The Journey Of Yuki.

ANNOUNCEMENT: "THE JOURNEY OF YUKI" CHAPTER IS NOW OFFICIALLY CLOSED.

2008-07-14T09:03:00.006+08:00

All the posts here will be maintained for future reference and reading.

Some will be reposted on Yuki's new blogsite (see link below).

Big thanks to all my friends and fans from all over the world.

For the fresh continuation of the journeys, please go to www.yukishock.blogspot.com .

Regards, Yuki Choe. : )

Announcement: I Guess The Love We Once Had Is Officially... DEAD.

2008-06-27T21:20:00.003+08:00

(self explanatory)

Tell me a story
Where we all change
And we'd live our lives together
And not enstranged

I didn't lose my mind
It was mine to give away
Couldn't stay to watch me cry
You didn't have the time
So I softly slip away...

No regrets
They don't work
No regrets now
They only hurt
Sing me a love song
Drop me a line
Suppose it's just a point of view
But they tell me I'm doing fine

I know from the outside
We looked good for each other
Felt things were going wrong when
You didn't like my mother

I don't want to hate
But that's all you've left me with
A bitter aftertaste
And a fantasy of how we all could live

No regrets
They don't work
No regrets now
They only hurt
(We've been told you stay up late)
I know they're still talking
(You're far too short to carry weight)
The demons in your head
(Return the videos they're late)
If I could just stop hating you
(Goodbye)
I'd feel sorry for us instead

Remember the photographs, insane
The ones where we all laugh, so lame
We were having the time of our lives
Well thank you it was a real blast

No regrets
They don't work
No regrets now
They only hurt
Write me a love song
Drop me a line
Suppose it's just a point of view
But they tell me I'm doing fine

Everything I wanted to be
Every time I walked away
Everytime you told me to leave
I just wanted to stay
Every time you looked at me
And everytime you smiled
I felt so vacant
You treat me like a child
I loved the way we used to laugh
I loved the way we used to smile
Often I sit down
And think of you for a while
Then it passes me by
And I think of someone else instead
I guess the love we once had is officially
Dead

Comforting Song For A Girl Who Lost Her Love Like Me.

2008-06-27T19:24:00.005+08:00

傷痕 (林憶蓮)
夜已深還有什麼人
讓你這樣醒著數傷痕
為何臨睡前會想要留一盞燈
你若不肯說我就不問

只是你現在不得不承認
愛情有時候是一種沉淪
讓人失望的雖然是戀情本身
但是不要只是因為你是女人

若愛得深會不能平衡
為情困磨折了靈魂
該愛就愛該恨的就恨
要為自己保留幾分

女人獨有的天真和溫柔的天分
要留給真愛你的人
不管未來多苦多難
有他陪你完成

雖然愛是種責任給要給得完整
有時愛美在無法永恆
愛有多銷魂就有多傷人
你若勇敢愛了就要勇敢分

夜已深還有什麼人
讓你這樣醒著數傷痕
為何臨睡前會想要留一盞燈
你若不肯說我就不問

Scars (Sandy Lam)
The night is deep already; who is it that has
Let you awake like this to count the scars?
Why do you want to leave a light on just before you go to sleep?
If you're not willing to say, then I won't ask

Only now, you have no choice but to admit
Love is sometimes a kind of degradation
Disappointing people, although that is love itself
But don't do that just because you are a woman!

If you love deeply, then it won't be able to balance
For the trouble of sentiment, you've harassed your soul
Love the ones you should love, hate the ones you should hate
You should leave some love for yourself

A woman's only innocence and talent of gentleness
Should be saved for the one who truly loves you
It doesn't matter how bitter or difficult the future is
You'll have him by your side the whole time

Although love is a kind of duty, in giving it, give it completely
Sometimes love's beauty has no way of lasting forever
Love can enrapture you just as much as it can hurt you
If you've bravely loved, then you should bravely leave

The night is deep already; who is it that has
Let you awake like this to count the scars?
Why do you want to leave a light on just before you go to sleep?
If you're not willing to say, then I won't ask

Shang Hen (Lin Yi Lian)
Ye yi shen Hai you she me ren
Rang ni zhe yang xing zhe shu shang hen
Wei he lin shui qian hui xiang yao liu yi zhan deng
Ni ruo bu ken shuo Wo jiu bu wen

Zhi shi ni xian zai bu de bu cheng ren
Ai qing you shi hou shi yi zhong chen lun
Rang ren shi wang de sui ran shi lian qing ben shen
Dan shi bu yao zhi shi yin wei ni shi nü ren

Ruo ai de shen hui bu neng ping heng
Wei qing kun Mo zhe le ling hun
Gai ai jiu ai Gai hen de jiu hen
Yao wei zi ji bao liu ji fen

Nü ren du you de tian zhen he wen rou de tian fen
Yao liu gei zhen ai ni de ren
Bu guan wei lai duo ku duo nan
You ta pei ni wan cheng

Sui ran ai shi zhong ze ren Gei yao gei de wan zheng
You shi ai Mei zai wu fa yong heng
Ai you duo xiao hun Jiu you duo shang ren
Ni ruo yong gan ai le Jiu yao yong gan fen

Ye yi shen Hai you she me ren
Rang ni zhe yang xing zhe shu shang hen
Wei he lin shui qian hui xiang yao liu yi zhan deng
Ni ruo bu ken shuo Wo jiu bu wen

Announcements: Death Of Yuki.

2008-06-25T15:19:00.010+08:00

I am in Thailand now, a few days shy of my SRS. This is my 100th post ironically. And this may be my last. My husband had sent an e-mail requesting my operation to be cancelled. I do not know how to feel now. Should I laugh? Should I cry? I really feel like jumping in front of my bus here and just end it at the worse. Or I may just work here as a cheap showgirl, or return back to Malaysia and cut my hair. In any other case, my life would never be the same again. Never ever.

I just say I hope he can spare me something for my lawyer fees but a simple solution like asking me to move to a cheaper area is beyond him. Instead he feels ending my life is the best one. I have my plans. I got a job waiting for me end of September. I have made arrangements to settle my financial crisis. But all these is to no avail. Now I have to go back and say I cannot work. I probably would lose my car and room. And worse, I had lost my husband at once. And I lost me.

I do not think I can bring myself to face me in the mirror anymore. So I bid all of you, farewell. To everyone, thank you for sharing my journey all alond. Take care LGBTs, wherever you are.

Update 26/6/08:

The verdict for the SRS is a postponement. As after the grace I extended to my husband is met with a heart of stone, so is our marriage. He has hurt me by throwing every excuse and reason to end our relationship. Baseless accusations of abuse, cheating, and innability to 'afford' me has placed our relationship on the grave. Even if he changes his mind today and I proceed with the SRS, I must admit that my heart is left with no more love to give him for hurting me this way.

All my plans to give my husband the ultimate bitch on Christmas eve period seems like a foolish girl's child's play now. Perhaps it is the immaturity of my imagination of wanting to fabricate such illusion that my husband would appreciate it. And with my SRS postponed, I must go back to the nightmare of starting back where I started before when I came out for good early 2006.

My fairy tale ending is gone. My prince charming will never rescue me and this transsexual female will never be secure and safe in female flesh. It is time to chart my own course of life.

I am also going to be selfish for once in my life, and dedicate a song for myself. Take care, Yuki.

It's The Lover (Not The Love) - Tiffany

He broke your heart and said goodbye
After promising forever
You wonder why you even tried
he was such a good pretender

The love you gave was all in vain
and nothing anyone can say
could ever make you love that way again

It's the lover not the love
who broke your heart last night
It's the lover not the dream
that didn't work out right

if you listen to your heart
ooh you'll know it's true
It's the lover not the love
who deserted you

Don't stop reaching for the stars
Let tomorrow live inside you
And just remember who you are
Keep the faith and love will find you

A heart in love can lose it's true

but don't give up in time to find
the one who's right will come to you

It's the lover not the love
who broke your heart last night
It's the lover not the dream
that didn't work out right

if you listen to your heart
ooh you'll know it's true
It's the lover not the love
who deserted you

It does no good to second guess
whether love is wrong or right
If it was really meant to be
he'd be with you tonight, tonight, oh yeah

It's the lover not the love
who broke your heart last night
It's the lover not the dream
that didn't work out right

if you listen to your heart
ooh you'll know it's true
It's the lover not the love
who deserted you

ooh

Breaking News: More Evidence On Biological Causes Of Homosexuality Found.

2008-06-18T16:41:00.006+08:00

As all the ex-gay ministries parade their scientifically discredited causation theories on homosexuality, more scientific evidence on the innateness of homosexuality have been discovered. So with more truth on homosexuality coming out, perhaps it is high time ex-gay ministries admit the obvious before more people realise about the ex-gay myth: It is all lies.

Source: NewScientist

Brain scans have provided the most compelling evidence yet that being gay or straight is a biologically fixed trait. (emphasis added)

The scans reveal that in gay people, key structures of the brain governing emotion, mood, anxiety and aggressiveness resemble those in straight people of the opposite sex.

The differences are likely to have been forged in the womb or in early infancy, says Ivanka Savic, who conducted the study at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden.

"This is the most robust measure so far of cerebral differences between homosexual and heterosexual subjects," she says.

Previous studies have also shown differences in brain architecture and activity between gay and straight people, but most relied on people's responses to sexuality driven cues that could have been learned, such as rating the attractiveness of male or female faces.

Brain symmetry
To get round this, Savic and her colleague, Per Lindström, chose to measure brain parameters likely to have been fixed at birth.

"That was the whole point of the study, to show parameters that differ, but which couldn't be altered by learning or cognitive processes," says Savic.

First they used MRI scans to find out the overall volume and shapes of brains in a group of 90 volunteers consisting of 25 heterosexuals and 20 homosexuals of each gender.

The results showed that straight men had asymmetric brains, with the right
hemisphere slightly larger – and the gay women also had this asymmetry. Gay men,
meanwhile, had symmetrical brains like those of straight women.

The team next used PET scans to measure blood flow to the amygdala, part of the brain that governs fear and aggression. The images revealed how the amygdala connected to other parts of the brain, giving clues to how this might influence behaviour.

Depression link
They found that the patterns of connectivity in gay men matched those of straight women, and vice versa (see image, above right). In straight women and gay men, the connections were mainly into regions of the brain that manifest fear as intense anxiety.

"The regions involved in phobia, anxiety and depression overlap with the pattern we see from the amygdala," says Savic.

This is significant, she says, and fits with data showing that women are three times as likely as men to suffer from mood disorders or depression. Gay men have higher rates of depression too, she says, but it's difficult to know whether this is down to biology, homophobia or simply feelings of being "different".

In straight men and lesbians, the amygdala fed its signals mainly into the sensorimotor cortex and the striatum, regions of the brain that trigger the "fight or flight" response. "It's a more action-related response than in women," says Savic.

'Striking differences'
"This study demonstrates that homosexuals of both sexes show strong cross-sex shifts in brain symmetry," says Qazi Rahman, a leading researcher on sexual orientation at Queen Mary college, University of London, UK.

"The connectivity differences reported in the amygdala are striking."

"Paradoxically, it's more informative to look at things that have no direct connection with sexual orientation, and that's where this study scores," says Simon LeVay, a prominent US author who in 1991 reported finding differences (pdf) in a part of the brain called the hypothalamus between straight and gay men.

But as Savic herself acknowledges, the study can't say whether the brain differences are inherited, or result from abnormally high or low exposure in the womb to sex hormones such as testosterone.

Journal reference: Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (DOI:
10.1073/pnas.0801566105)

Yuki's Thoughts:

I guess even when the dusk is settled, with more and more truths about homosexuality coming up, we would still hear more wacky ideas from ex-gays. But instead of simply admitting the ridiculous theories of distant fathers and overbearing mothers (and crossdressed by mother ala Edmund Smith); we would instead face up to more imposement of personal evaluation of values upon us, as stupid as their 'traditional values' sound. They would probably ask questions such as - can this be prevented during pregnancy? Ignorance AND Intolerance is bliss.

Yuki's Choice Reading:

Coverage and comments on this groundbreaking story also available on:

America's Box Turtle Bulletin and Asia's Fridae

Singapore Censors Healthy Same-Sex Depictions In Media.

2008-06-01T21:38:00.002+08:00

Singapore, known for its glamorous first world city lifestyle displays third world mentality in the guise of the Media Development Authority (MDA), the country's primary moral guardian over presentation of arts and media in the republic. Earlier this decade, depictions of LGBT as a natural progression of society were banned or censored by the MDA from any arts and media broadcast within its jurisdiction.

Taiwan's highest grossing movie of 2004 “Formula 17”, a gay themed romantic comedy was banned from Singapore screenings for its potrayal of a “homosexual utopia, where everyone, including passersby, is homosexual and no ills or problems are reflected”. This starts a sad premise where true positive lives of LGBTs in the world today are considered unfit to be discussed and should be removed from existence.

The mantra supposedly changed in 2006 when the MDA chose to relax on its censorship in order to market itself as a arts and media centre for the region. This move allows top LGBT movies being shown uncut such as "Brokeback Mountain" and "Transamerica" in 2006. As recent as last year however, the MDA decided to grow a branch a year back in time.

A two-week exhibition of 80 same-sex kissing photos was cancelled after the MDA rejected the license on the grounds of “promoting the homosexual lifestyle” late last year. Early this year, part of the Oscar award acceptance speech by director Cynthia Wade for her documentary "Freeheld" was censored on its repeated broadcast because of its mention of equal rights for same-sex attracted individuals. Then the high profile LGBT documentary “A Jihad For Love” was also banned from public viewing.

From strictness, MDA then shows its absurdity, when they recently fined StarHub Cable Vision $10,000 Singaporean dollars for airing a commercial presenting a new song by artiste Olivia Yan called “Silly Child” which depicts two lesbians innocently kissing. The statement by the MDA reads:

Quote:

The commercial which was to promote a song by the singer, 阎韦伶(Olivia), was aired on MTV Mandarin Channel on 26 and 28 November 2007. Within the commercial, romanticised scenes of two girls kissing were shown and it portrayed the relationship as acceptable. This is in breach of the TV advertising guidelines, which disallows advertisements that condone homosexuality.

MDA also consulted the Advisory Committee for Chinese Programmes and the Committee concurred that the commercial had promoted lesbianism as acceptable and romantic, especially when shown together with the lyrics featured.

In that same month, MDA fined MediaCorp TV Channel 5 $15,000 Singapore dollars for airing a home improvement show called "Find and Design" that featured a gay couple who wants to renovate their game room into a nursery for their baby. The MDA statement here reads:

Quote:

The programme "Find and Design" is a home and decor series and in the episode concerned, the host helps a gay couple to transform their game room into a new nursery for their adopted baby. The episode contained several scenes of the gay couple with their baby as well as the presenter's congratulations and acknowledgement of them as a family unit in a way which normalises their gay lifestyle and unconventional family setup. This is in breach of the Free-to-Air TV Programme Code which disallows programmes that promote, justify or glamourise gay lifestyles.

MDA also consulted the Programme Advisory Committee for English Programmes (PACE) and the Committee was also of the view that a gay relationship should not be presented as an acceptable family unit. As the programme was shown on a Sunday morning, PACE felt that this was inappropriate as such a timeslot was within family viewing hours.

This two cases shows a blatant lack of knowledge and understanding of the homosexual condition as a sexual orientation by a shallow media guardian. It is deeply regretful for the LGBT community in Singapore who is still trying to find an illusive dignified social position in the republic, to be swept under the carpet by governmental agencies such as the MDA. Media is supposed to represent truth, and recent events portray the MDA as unable to accept and realise the unsurmountable truth: that homosexuals are normal human beings and exist in equivalence to any heterosexual conditions.

The Singapore MDA sent a loud and clear message to the world; any representation of homosexuals as sensitive individuals capable of love or as a capable well-adjusted family unit is not to be tolerated. Ignorance to the existence of gays and lesbians as ordinary human beings is to be educated. And self-praising in the form of a rap video is the way to go while the artistry and talent of LGBT is to be shipped to Australia. Interesting step backward indeed, for an agency bent on proving their nation's worth as a international media hub.

The Musing.

2008-05-14T20:10:00.003+08:00

Recently I am struggling to maintain my blogs recently. There actually has been a lot of stuff to write about, but just could not find the time to write it as my commitments as writer to Ex-Gay Watch and getting myself in shape for my Sex-Reassignment Surgery. And hanging around in a cyber cafe is quite costly. Quashing some Malaysian Ex-Gay myths had been exceptionally easy especially when most of the views are too dogmatic and ridiculous to swallow by any mature thinking people. And being a lone interested writer in this issue also had its drawbacks, you get bored repeating yourself.

There is also the difficulty of interest. When the International Day Against Homophobia was announced, everywhere else in the world except Asia remembers the dead, respects the day, ponders over any chances of hate crime laws being created and passed, passionate about educating the general public about the ill-conceptions of society in regards to homosexuality and transgenderism and so forth. The PT Foundation is holding a fund-raising party this weekend for it.

Yes, PARTY. Everyone in Asia do not want to hear about the bullying, the murders, the dead. It is like the HIV/AIDS issue. The thinking here is, it is none of my business or it could never happen to me. No one here is fighting for any rights. In fact, as a single personal blog owner I was able to reach out to an audience Edmund Smith (RLM) and his sister would envy, and it is just because people are curious about me as a transsexual and interested with the scientific truths and facts I presented. Otherwise, most of this country, whether straight or gay, could not be bothered about us.

Whether on this side as a professional writer and TS advocate, or on that side an amateur unlicensed therapist and an aspiring singer; we both have an audience. And fortunately for me, my audience are intelligent enough to see through the lies and ultra-nonsensical musings of places like RLM to the point they tell me: WE KNOW! Anything new you want to share with us, like maybe Edmund is spotted cruising in a gay bar or something, then tell us! But alas, the international audience are still curious to know about the RLM's wacky world. As such, I no longer write about them in this blog.

From maintaining a blog to advocacy work to dispelling ex-gay myth, there is plenty to write about as all can see. But sometimes you just need the time. I am still having some ideas for the latest movie review on “Iron Man”, but unfortunately the movie is still on screen. As you all know from my last movie review, spoilers are really proudly on display! Then there is the edition of Yuki's Funnies. There is the Top 10 Ex-Gay Excuses On Why A Person Is Gay, which of course includes Melvin Wong's boy got sexually abused and Edmund Smith's boy got cross dressed by mother.

If only I have the time to write all these great stuff. But my SRS being just one month and a bit more away, I really do not know how. I am also struggling to finish my personal Thai lessons at home and I am not in a decent weight yet. Perhaps I should ask for some tips from my sister Grog from “The Cracked Crystal Ball II” who seems to be blogging everyday! And all her posts are so strong in content and opinions I really wonder how she did it. Another is Cracker Lilo from “Cracker Lilo's Front Porch”. She is so deep into words, and there is so much variety and content.

Perhaps the greatest one of them all I consider would be Peterson Toscano's blog “Peterson Toscano's A Musing". Please remember this fine handsome gentleman with the ability to make you laugh especially on your ex-gay struggles; travels a lot (sometimes overseas) for shows and interviews and seminars, and I believe his appointment calender is probably full. But he still finds the time to blog at least almost everyday. Unbelievable. And while I have to slowly maintain my English to respectable degree, Peterson seems to already have gift in writing as well as in speaking.

Oh, before I forget, do read his latest post “Diverse Approaches Reveal Complexity of Ex-Gay World”. It is one of my favourites, exploring just how big a fallacy ex-gay ministries are when you really take a closer look. And yes, I do still manage to find some time to read blogs. As well as you can see now I am squeezing some time to announce to you all that: Hey, I am still alive. God bless everyone. Anyway, I have to go for my dinner now. Got some things to do tomorrow morning, then in the evening I have a seminar to catch. Yep, busy lady I am. But of course, I will be back. : )

Dr. Andrea Macari On The Ex-Gay Myth.

2008-05-02T06:15:00.000+08:00

"Reparative pseudo-therapy (ex-gay ministries) is based on no science whatsoever", says Dr. Andrea Macari, a leading authorative source in psychology.

"It is essential that if you are gay, you go to a therapist who is trained in dealing with these types of issues, who has a clear understanding of where they stand when it comes to issues of sexual orientation. Otherwise you have the person's own stigma, own prejudices, coming in the way of your therapy and that is the last thing you want to do."

Question and Think next time you plan to bring someone (or someone asks you) to go to an ex-gay ministry or a reparative therapist.

Which is myth and which is truth? Just one example will do.

The American Academy of Pediatrics
The American Counseling Association
The American Psychiatric Association
The American Psychological Association
The National Association of School Psychologists
The National Association of Social Workers
and others:

"477,000 health and mental health professionals, have all taken the position that homosexuality is not a mental disorder, and thus there is no need for a “cure.” "

"the idea that homosexuality is a mental disorder, or that the emergence of same-gender sexual desires among some adolescents is in any way abnormal or mentally unhealthy, has no support among health and mental health professional organizations."

This is the current medical and scientific psychological opinion.

Ex-gay ministries would have you believe that this is created by a pro-gay "agenda". It is so easy to believe them if you share their dogmatic musings and shallow minds.

But think for a moment, would it be much easier for about 95% of the heterosexual population of the world to pressure these medical professionals to change the stance?

Even the 35% percent of the Christian population of the world could do that, right?

But no, there is no "agenda" that created such strong stance from these experts of their field; it is born of decades of pure peer reviewed research and studies. Even the 1,000 plus NARTH tried to change this last year by annoying the American Psychological Association (APA) but unfortunately they would not budge.

Because everyone now knows this is the TRUTH.

"As these statements make clear, health and mental health professional organizations do not support efforts to change young people’s sexual orientation through “reparative therapy” and have raised serious concerns about its potential to do harm."

Check out stories on Beyond Ex-Gay on those who have gone through ex-gay ministries and other reparative therapy methods and survived the experience. Some are even the former leaders of such ministries in the past, but had made public apologies since. Maybe it is time for the current leaders to admit their white lies.

The Growing.

2008-04-21T18:17:00.003+08:00

Roy Schneider had recently passed away. Back when I was just a kid I felt he was awesome. The way he battles the man-eating shark in “Jaws” / “Jaws 2” and the style when he pilots the legendary helicopter “Blue Thunder”. He was one of the few men I would love to be with when I grow up. Any girl would have the sense of security in his sensitive but strong demeanor. Any women would be proud to have this rogue, simple but intelligent reactions to circumstances as depicted in movies he was involved in. He is 75 years old this year. But the memories of his acting career lives on.

For the past few years, I had seen many people I admired all throughout the world pass away. Lydia Shum being one example, the Hong Kong actress whom I grew up with watching “It's A Mad, Mad World”. It gave me the stark realization that these figures died at an old age, all over 60. When I was watching “Blue Thunder”, Roy Schneider and Lydia Shum were only in their 50s and 40s respectively. It also made me realize how old I was then, I was barely 10. Here at the age of 32, I am coming to terms with my growing up and reaching the probable halfway mark of my life now.

When I was in my teens, Captain Steve Bruce, Mr. Reliable Denis Irwin, Bryan Robson, Andrei Kanchelskis, Brian McClair and Mark Hughes were my football idols in the super team line-up of Manchester United I supported then by the turn of the 90s. Those days they were like a set of much older brothers, hitting the ball all over the place between the old English Division One till the days of the inaugural English Premier League. I still remember how Sir Alex Ferguson nearly got sacked, how young he looked then, players he bought and players he sacked. Yes, he was young.

In the mid 90's when I reached my young adulthood, and grew up together with players my age, the five England lions; Nicky Butt, Gary and Phil Neville, David Beckham, Paul Scholes. And another a year older, Ryan Giggs. All under the tutorship of the big brother Eric Cantona. Those were an exciting period, reaching up to the peak of the Champions' League, English Premier League and FA Cup treble at 1999 before the turn of the century. I stress again, they were around my age. Those were the days of inspiration. Now all but Scholes of the England five lions remain in Manchester.

Ryan Giggs, the most decorated player in the history of the Premier League, is now toiling going to his mid thirties. And now, I am supporting kids. Yes, no kidding. From the days when Sir Alex Ferguson took over from Ron Atkinson starting 1986, I was supporting some men old enough to be my father, then grew up with those my age in the 90s. Now I am excited in the prospects of Luis Nani (22) and Ronaldo (23). If football (or soccer in the US) were to be my benchmark, then I have indeed grown 22 football years as a Manchester United supporter. And how time flies, mind you.

And suddenly it dawned to me how the years have gone by so fast. From a insecure female soul living in a boy shell, to a blossoming lady now married to a rugged but kind Australian. From sitting in an old Volkswagen beside my dad I am now driving a humble Proton Wira. From a virgin, I do not remember how many men or women I had been with. From writing for the old Malaysian post newspaper I am now writing on my own blogsite here and the international Ex-Gay Watch. From the ugly pimple faced boy who was branded gay, I am now recognized as an attractive lady.

I am no longer too shy to defend myself against verbal and physical attacks by people. I am not longer afraid of prejudice and discrimination by churches and society. I am no longer the person to be manipulated and shaped according to what people want me to be. And most importantly, in a couple of months time, I am no longer bearing the pain of having something that had caused so much suffering in my life prior to my 30s. In fact, I realized I only truly began to grow up only once I had known how to deal with Gender Identity Disorder. Result? I am a much happier person now.

Though I am sad the years gone by in which I could have done something to prevent being defined by how people viewed me, I am at least now back on the right track. It is better to wake up now then some transsexuals who are well into their 40s right? Though I am regretful to have the peak of my transition with SRS only in my 30s and not 20s, but I do know many are not as fortunate as me to be able to do it even now, and it is all thanks to my husband. I do not know what the future would bring on to me, but I have survived thus far. I guess I am ready for more of what life has to offer.

Yuki's Funnies: Chasers On Homosexual Therapy.

2008-04-19T03:12:00.008+08:00

A really funny look at what some ex-gay ministries and reparative therapists are attempting to have you believe in doing in order to change from gay to straight. Re-runs of Richard Cohen's bizzare and mindless methods are on display for the big test! No wonder NARTH threw him out.

The Changes.

2008-04-19T03:12:00.002+08:00

I had not written much lately, but yet I thank you all for still supporting my blog. Many were reading into my past articles. I guess I had really written a lot. But I am flattered that there are still some of you out there that cared about what was going on in my life. The response for my articles for Ex-Gay Watch from the Asian region is also encouraging. I apologize for not being able to share much for the past ten days; I am now in the midst of recovering from being used by a person who in the end never treated me as a sister, and reflecting on the soon upcoming changes in my life.

Losing my sister is probably one of the signs of changes in my life. Just barely two weeks ago, we were still joking around my ex-employer's office. We were still planning what to do with her wedding. One of our colleagues we were very close to was leaving, and at the last day of his work we all had a nice steamboat dinner together. I missed the second round of their party in a Karaoke centre, but being ill means I really wish I were to be home. Then barely few days later, she ran away and possibly will never come back into our lives. Suddenly, I no longer have a family here.

The knowledge that she cheated all of us was unbearable for the four of us; the fiancee, my ex-boss, our one good friend and me were unwilling victims to an illusion of an pitiful angel she created for us to see. Having loved her and cared for her unconditionally, it was disappointing for her to have used all of us. She is in the end selfish, and her decision will bear consequences for herself while we all get on with our lives. It would take some getting used to, suddenly not having someone I had treated with so much love and dignity, but I do know some friendships just do not last till old age.

I will be leaving Malaysia to Australia and stay there for an unknown period of time, perhaps years with my husband. I admitted to my husband that I found Australia unbearable because I missed Malaysia. Both have its good points and bad points, but the crux of the matter is that I am so used to the Malaysian environment. The roads, the shops, the shopping complexes and mostly the food. In my commitment to be with my husband, I am resigned to another different culture; one I hope I am able to adapt to. It would be so different, so quiet. But with a promise of a tolerant and nice society.

My husband has planned a move to Perth, and with it the weather should be more bearable than my days at Darwin. I am really seriously moving into an environment I know nothing about, especially barely knowing my husband. But seeing how well he treated me for the past months I am back in Malaysia seems to justify he is indeed trustworthy. And his strive to give me a better future makes me appreciate him even more. I do not know what would happen in the coming years of my life with him, but I do know very well whatever happens I am going to stick around as his best friend.

I am looking forward for my SRS. But of course, I do have thoughts on how I would feel after the surgery. Like a finger that is cancerous and needs to be cut off, my penis had been with me for 32 years. It needs to be off me, but no doubt I will miss it. I will miss my silly antics with it, including trying to remove it with my drawer back when I was a child. I will miss adjusting it so it seems inexistent every time I put on my clothes. In fact, I will miss the shame I had of having it. I was grossly insulted by it. I feel it was on my way of wearing a bikini set. I am going to miss killing it.

There is also a move on the way I live my life. I am now spending more time at home in my room. I have turned into a homegirl. I seldom go out to drink. Though the past week I drank a lot in depression because of my godsister's out-of-my-life experience, I do not enjoy alcoholic drinks like I used to. In fact, in the past month I mostly feel lazy to go out, and resigned myself on the comfort of a sofa and watching my favourite shows such as “House” and all the “Crime Scene Investigation” episodes from Las Vegas to Miami. I am becoming quite a couch potato these days.

I know the hurt of losing my sister will die off in time. I guess since there are going to be so many changes in my life soon in terms of body, country, culture, environment and lifestyle there is too many things on my mind right now. With it, a continuous learning process on how to be a better writer. I do wish to be a Yoga and Pilates specialist, and aspire to be a trainer one day. I really am in a fix on what the future brings soon for this stranger going to a strange land. But somehow I know I had gone through worse in my life. Things still should pick up in my life. After all, life is beautiful.

Who are we to judge Sufiah Yusuf?

2008-04-07T16:32:00.006+08:00

I have been following the story of Sufiah Yusuf (Shilpa Lee) with interest. At 13 she is a math genius and now as a young adult she is a full-time escort. What disgusts me is the reaction of the worldwide moral police consisting of bloggers, religious people and journalists having their own opinions on why she choose the life of an escort. It goes from “Blame the father” to “Pressure from young age” then “Divorce from her husband”. Reactions consists of “She needs to 'bertaubat' (repent)” to “sad state of mind” then “unlucky”, recently “look at the kind of money she is making!”

I find all these very silly indeed. I had a chat with my friend recently about her and we both agree, we should stop making assumptions and just listen to what she had to say. And she finally uttered this sentence, “By the time I was 15 I wanted to be in control of my life. I fought back”. This sentence seemed to be virtually ignored by every person reading her story. In fact, many quarters still wishes to define her for herself when she is already in control of her life. In fact, everyone is trying to act like they know her, still repeating the really annoying dogma of “Blame the father!”.

She was 15 when she decided to take control of her life. I wish I had the courage and determination to do so at that age. When I was her age, until a few years back I was still being controlled by people; parents, church members, friends, teachers and boyfriends/girlfriends. They imposed what they believed was for the good of me when it made me a severely confused girl who is trying to be a boy to please everyone. Whatever I do was taken under scrutiny. In the process, I lost the soul of what makes me, me. I became the parody of each and everyone's definition of the surname “Choe”.

If I had chose to stop listening too much to people at that age, and start to question and think for myself, I would have a hard a life as a transsexual female at a very young age. But at least I know I would be happy. But knowing that at 30 plus I am finally in control of my life makes me realise it is not too late. And of course, there are the usual ridiculous assumptions of what made me “become” this way; “Must be the mother”, “She had been sexually abused”, “The last girlfriend must have hurt this person so badly”, and a host of other fallacy of ambiguities. All post hoc, ergo propter hoc.

I took control of my life as Sufiah Yusuf did. I wish I had the maturity to do so at her age. But at least I am on my way. Sufiah Yusuf is now happy in her career and we all should just leave her alone. We talk so much about “blame the father”, but are we not doing the same things the father did? The father pressured her when she was too young to be a math prodigy, did we not say that? And look what we are doing now. We are pressuring her to “repent” and we made out her story like a personal disaster movie; but she already stated that she is happy her life had turned out this way.

And what is wrong with being a escort? The calls of “sin” again? Are we not sinful too? And I sincerely ask every women reading my humble blog here this question. Since most of us Malaysia women would also have our chance encounters with men until we slept with them for the night, which is better, to give men sex for free or to give men sex for money? This is a controversial subject, but just think. How many one night stands had some of us women had with just a “mamak” supper to show for. If we call her a “hooker” for earning her kind of money, what about us then?

Let us all just respect her for her decision. Who are we to judge her? Are we giving her money to use in United Kingdom? Are we feeding her or clothing her? For goodness sake, she is taking care of her own life. It is time we should leave her alone. We would bear consequences of our own fallen nature, and similarly would not like to be judged in the same manner. And she is smart enough to know she cannot be in this field of work forever. And we cannot live forever without taking care of ourselves too. It is insane trying to control or define Sufiah Yusuf when we do not even know her.

It is time for us to stop condemning or pitying or judging her. It is time for us to start listening to her, because she is happy in her life. We would be ultra shallow to resort to condescending remarks about her when we have our own problem and our lives to live. How would we feel if we were to be under the same scrutiny and being defined by everyone around us? We surely would not like that. To Sufiah Yusuf, I give you my sincere high 5 . You are a very brave young woman. Even though everyone thinks you are crazy, you are an inspiration to me. Take care, all the best for the future.

Selective wit and wisdom of Sufiah Yusuf (Shilpa Lee):

"People think escorting is sleazy and terrible but I don’t see it like that,”

"I hate this stereotype society has of escorts as being exploited. It is so far from the truth. My clients treat me like a princess. One guy took me shopping on Bond Street. He bought me a beautiful black Gucci dress for £300 (RM1,920) and then took me to Selfridges, where I could pick a handbag I liked.”

"As I grew older, I began to clash with my father. He was violent at times. He pushed me so far academically, I became more confident for any girl my age. I grew up too quickly.”

"Oxford was an amazing place but I was too young. By the time I was 15, I wanted to be in control of my life. I fought back,”

"I have never felt so confident about my body and I’ve had some of the best sex of my life”

Yuki's thoughts:

She Is Da Bomb! Kinda Inspire Me To Really Do Something About My Body. : )

What A Week It Had Been.

2008-03-25T11:38:00.002+08:00

It was such a surreal feeling when Luis Nani slotted in the third goal. Manchester United won 3-0 against Liverpool, and I am left feeling ecstatic. What could beat that? An unlikely ally for a day Chelsea winning 2-1 against Arsenal. That places my favourite football club for 22 years at 5 points ahead of Chelsea, with 7 games (equivalent to 21 points) to go. It means Sir Alex Ferguson, whom I followed since replacing Ron Atkinson in 1986, is inching closer to his 10th Premier League crown.

The night before, the staff of my home pub Dragon Zone (formerly known as Face 2) threw me a sort of surprise party. I drank myself to the ground that day, for it would probably be the last day I drink, a bit over 3 months to go for my Sex Reassignment Surgery. I may not even touch another single drink again after that, for I am just not a drinker and really bored of all the daze while drinking and the headaches the day after. The PR Ah Yen even bought me a CJ7 doll as a gift.

Thursday the 20th March, it was a joyous reunion with my sister LY. I call a lot of people my sister, but that is on a friendship basis, and some because it was a nick for transgenders. She was however, the only person whom I would treat as my real sister at the least in my life. She is the only one of few people I have left to call my family. Having not seen her for almost 3 years, she sure changed a lot. And I am sure I changed even more since the last time she saw me I was still a troubled boy!

When we hugged each other near the new wing second floor escalator at Sunway Pyramid, reality hit me. I really loved this woman. She was the first to 'notice' the girl me that was undefined. We had a nice lunch at the Marakesh in a Chinese Restaurant before we went shopping together. I am still shy to let her see me try on some clothes I planned to buy, but deep in my heart, I know I had always been her sister, and she accepted it. It was nice chit chat journey driving her home too.

Monday 17th was also extra special. I expected it, and it finally come. Responses to my article on Ex-Gay Watch. It was strangely special because it was comments from people from Real Love Ministry. I am of course curious at why Edmund Smith could not come out and be accountable to his ex-gay myth, and needed to rely on cronies to do his bidding. Oh well, that is what brainwashing and indoctrination does anyway, judging by their dogmatic overtures. It was fun debunking them.

Sunday the 16th was a true karaoke bash. 8 of my ex-colleagues attended it, and we had a heck of a time at Neway Galaxie. There were so many new songs we sang, so many moments to cherish. There were MTV Karaoke versions to the songs “Hips Don't Lie” and “Zombie” to my surprise. The sound system in the extra large room was superb too. Since I had not been to a Karaoke room environment for a long time, this was an exhilarating experience for me, especially the music.

Not only they spent me, but they gave me a gift I shall never forget. A new Manchester United jersey! I believe it is a Class B jersey since I saw that it is made in Thailand, but I loved it all the same. We had a swell time and when the night was almost over, the whole floor of the Karaoke room was wet (luckily the management did not hold us responsible). The event ended with my best friend drunk and we call it an early night. My night ended having supper with my good friend B.

This was the one week buildup to my birthday yesterday. There were a lot of wishes all over Facebook and Friendster, and from some parts of the world (If you are reading this, thanks for the Beatles birthday song Peterson, I mean it!). There were SMSes and calls. It was another wonderful day yesterday, especially reading news of Manchester United's triumph in the newspapers. I wrapped up my night by finishing another article for Ex-Gay Watch. Yep, on writing form indeed.

I would like to have this opportunity to thank all the people who had made my life so wonderful this past week. I know you do not wish I mention names, so I would of course keep the privacy thingy. Even though my husband cannot share it with me, this had really been one of the most beautiful weeks of my life leading up to my birthday. You will all be in my heart, my writings and my life. I will continue to hold on to these sweet memories as long as I live. I am forever your girl. Ditto.

Prayer Request For Edmund Smith and Real Love Ministry.

2008-03-18T19:09:00.004+08:00

In the aftermath of my second article for Ex-Gay Watch, I was alerted to this at Edmund's website.

"Please pray for Vivienne @ Yuki. He is a transgender (male wanting to be female). He is aggressively moving from one website to another (internationally) trying to ruin the name of Ps Edmund and Real Love Ministry. Pray for Jesus to touch him."

Gosh, I am so touched. Let us all pray for him, his wife and Real Love Ministry too!

Please pray for both Pastor Edmund Lawrence Smith and Pastor Amuamanda Smith (I respectfully call them their full names) to be able to learn to call me by my name Vivienne Yuki Choe instead of adding the annoying @.

Please pray for both of them to read more about Harry Benjamin Syndrome or Gender Identity Disorder, and also what is a transgender from authorative sources. That is why psychiatrists calls me girl, and do we really want to listen to personal dogma based on no facts?

Please pray for both of them concentrate on my writings for only three sites, “Ex-Gay Watch” in which I am now a writer, my personal blogsite “The Journey Of Yuki”, and the advocacy site “Reflections Asia”, and make them realise I had no time to write for other sites.

Please pray they stop being lazy to study on latest research on Homosexuality and Transgenders.

Please pray they read what I write before condemning me of spending too much on Real Love Ministry, as I have other articles they seem to not appreciate about other ex-gay ministries.

Please pray for Pastor Edmund's CDs to sell well because he may be only be parroting non-sense, but he did it to support his two kids.

Please pray for Our Saviour to touch them so that they can see they are actually not reading my other interesting articles which may benefit them for their ministry.

Please pray for both these pastors to start acting like pastors.

Please pray for Pastor Edmund's credibility, because after he lost it last year he is becoming desperate.

Please pray for Pastor Amuamanda to stop being a Christian extremist.

Please pray for their children because they are growing up being the children of an ex-gay man.

Please pray for both of them to stop calling me a he, because I am already more manly then Pastor Edmund (tounge-in-cheek!).

Please pray for both of them to be diligent in distributing factual information instead of parroting misrepresentation of homosexuals and transgenders.

Please pray for both of them for the discernment to separate what is transgender and what is transsexual.

Please pray for both of them to stop accusing me of ruining their name, when they already ruined their own names by perpetuating dogma instead of facts.

Please pray for them that they stop making fool of themselves then come blame it on 'pro-gays'.

Please pray that they begin to open their eyes and see that this is only the 8th post out of 90 about them in my site, and that I have a life, and that of all I write for the benefit LGTs.

Nong Tum.

2008-03-09T23:16:00.004+08:00

This post is dedicated to a fiery lady that needs no introduction, an ode to a transsexual female who leads by example to never let anyone intimidate her.

She is Parinya Kiatbusaba (or Parinya Charoenphol), better known to all of us as Nong Tum.

In one of her most notable fights >.

In her final fight. In the movie 'Beautiful Boxer', it is mentioned that it is after this fight in which she is starting to feel conflicted with her love for Muay Thai, her treatment by fight organizers as a circus show and her wanting to be her true girl self. It was then she withdrew from the sport under pressure from Muay Thai traditions of not allowing females to fight and complete her SRS.

The trailer for the movie "Beautiful Boxer". The movie won tons of allocades including Best Actor at the Thai Academy Awards for Asanee Suwan who played Nong Tum, and several other international awards such as:

- Torino International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival – Best Feature Film, winner (2004)

- Thailand National Film Association Awards – Best Actor Asanee Suwan, winner; Best Makeup Kraisorn Sampethchareon, winner (2004)

- San Sebastián International Film Festival – Sebastian Award, winner (2004)

- Milan International Lesbian and Gay Film Festival – Best Film, winner (2004)

- Outfest Achievement Award – Outstanding Emerging Talent, Ekachai Uekrongtham (2004)

- GLAAD Media Awards – Outstanding Film Limited Release, nominated (2006)

Nong Tum makes a special guest appearance in this movie as a beauty therapist, and Nong Tum's last opponent Kyoko Inoue plays herself, re-enecting the final fight in the movie.

Some photos of Nong Tum then and now here:

Yuki's Choice Reading:

Nong Tum On National Geographic.
Nong Tum's profile in Wikipedia.

Of Transsexuals, Transvestites and Transgenders.

2008-03-06T17:04:00.003+08:00

It was loathsome. Two transvestites humiliated themselves doing a ridiculous sexy dance in a show of feigned ‘feminity’ in order to get into the finals of the Miss Say Yes annual ‘pageant’. I am one of the contestants for this week’s heat at the request of my friend who was PR manager at the place. But the applauses were given more to the transvestite contestants for making a fool of themselves then the serious transsexual contenders.

I am very tempted to withdraw from this show of utter drag flamboyance, but for my friend’s plea. It is not that I am in any way intolerant of transvestites (cross dressers, drags alike) but I am starting to feel the serious implications of lumping both transsexuals and transvestites, two totally different sets of people into one label we call transgenders; especially in a society that already finds it hard to differentiate between the two subsets.

I recently chatted online with Marti of Transadvocate.com; and I told her that I completely support total separation between transsexuals and transvestites, but I also shared to her that as not one transvestite can judge transsexuals like me for wanting the surgery, we transsexuals cannot judge transvestites for wanting to cross-dress as women even thought they identity as men. A pot and a kettle still belong in the kitchen I told her.

Getting a layman to understand the differences is already difficult. Then, battle lines were drawn for the past few months within the transsexual groups, when transsexuals who do not wish to associate with then term transgender starts to condemn those transsexuals who are comfortable with the term. They are called Women Born Transsexuals (WBT). Confused? I too when they went on to attack transsexuals who chose not to go for SRS.

Now I believe everyone has the right for self-determination and interpreting the Harry Benjamin Syndrome and Standards Of Care. But to use it in order to justify bigotry against transsexual sisters by calling them men in women dresses is also uncalled for. A transsexual is a transsexual is a transsexual. A lot of transsexuals cannot undergo SRS because of religion. If they do so they would be flogged, jailed or even killed in prison.

So how do we define “men in dresses”? I apologize, but let me tell you something. I am not a transvestite, I know I am a girl born with an abnormal mutation, but I have friends who are transvestites. They will willingly admit to everyone they are men and just like to cross-dress. Just like a lot of my tomboy friends would tell you they are still comfortable females. I am a pre-op transsexual, and that certainly does not make me a transvestite.

In any case, it would not even matter soon because I am going for SRS in June, so not one WBT would have anything on me because I would had, in their terms, being ‘born’ a transsexual. Which for me is still not accurate. I am born an incomplete girl. But going to be a lady. So there needs to be clarity here. A transsexual may not have an operation but could still remain a transsexual. Like a man that lost his dick in an accident is still a man.

In the end, WBT and transsexual should be separated from what is transvestite. Actually I find both transsexual groups do fit into the transgender category, but not transvestites. Why Virginia Prince invented the word ‘transgender’ to mix transsexuals and transvestites together is beyond me; transvestites have more to do with transfer of clothes rather than transfer of gender. A social construct should never be used to represent human beings.

Yuki's Thoughts: Yes, I will withdraw from the competition for the sake of my WBT and TS sisters.

Proof Of Fat.

2008-03-04T19:04:00.002+08:00

I was tired, but nevertheless excited to hang out at this new place my pal Jenny recommended me at TTDI. As I got into her friend’s car, she remarked, ‘We are going to a club, so do you wish to put on something better for it? You look like an auntie’. So I returned to my humble room and tried on some dresses I had not wore in a year. After selecting the most comfortable one, I sat on my bed in attempt to apply some eye shadow.

Popped! Two of the buttons of my favourite sexy semi bare back dress decided to shoot themselves off. As I cursed myself at the prospect of having to fix the minor damages, another matter came into my mind. I am really fat now! As I scoured across the room for more options in nightwear I realise the choices I had was few and far between. I wore another favourite sexy one piece; it was then I noticed bulges that were inexistent before.

The sightings of a fat Yuki have been aplenty these days. Many of my friends had commented about the fat allocation around my belly. So much so embarrassingly I had to wear a strap around my stomach sometimes. When the side of my foldable bed gave way one day I was shattered. I am having liver problems, so I do not wish to starve myself. But I am desperate to get back the 60kg frame I had before. 80kg Yuki just would not do.

I am lucky to get married to a husband that does not care if I am fat. And friends did tell me I do not need to lose weight since I am already attached for better or for worse. But I felt not striving to look good after getting married is a lame excuse. So many older married women I had met still maintain a great body even way past their 50s. So I really do not see the reason why I should not attempt to achieve it, especially with my age now.

My legs too have problems supporting my body’s weight. A walk around One Utama shopping center proved to be a hurting experience on my thighs and feet. One of my friends Pei had the same problem, she became an ally in reminding me the importance of losing my excess baggage or I would have to spend cash weekly for foot reflexology. It was a stark realization that my jogging plans rests heavily on a strong, fit pair of legs.

Exercise itself was a tormenting experience. I strutted around just four rounds around the park and ended up with tired and sore legs for four days in which I walked like a zombie. The fat just would not go away. The bulge wishes to make my stomach its home. I am increasingly frustrated with the knowledge that at my 30 plus age my metabolism is slowing down. My quest to get rid of the unwanted pounds looks increasingly impossible.

I am now tempted to go vegetarian. Since diet pills do not help and even make matters worse, I am resigned to taking extra virgin olive oil with bread for meals as my husband recommended. And in my attempt to quit smoking, I do know that statistically I am going to gain at least a few kg once cigarettes no longer control of my life. But at least drinking only two times a week helps. But my mind still ponders on how to get that slim body.

Yes, I do admit my obsession to lose weight is due my ego and my insane addiction to self-image. I had lost the opportunity to own a killer female body back in my younger days when I was tied down to being a boy. I already have a female looking face, but it is rough all over with pimple scars. My body, with its hidden feminine shape and silky smooth skin is all I have. But I hope to achieve the nice body along with my health intact.

Yuki's Funnies: Calpernia Addams Presents "Bad Questions".

2008-03-02T18:57:00.016+08:00

I would have no time for you if you have the urge to ask me anything in regards to transsexuals... so I would leave it to a prominent dear advocate from the US....

"Bad Questions - Questions Never To Ask A Transsexual Person" by Calpernia Addams.

Yuki's Choice Reading:

For more on Calpernia Addams:

Her Life.
Her Profile.
Her New Reality Show.

Yes, it is a her you dumb (beep)!

Where Is The Love? It Is Found In Love Itself.

2008-03-02T18:57:00.006+08:00

A friend from the Credo group recently alerted me of this article, which cleary and instinctively explains the situation between LGTs and Christianity with the conflicts within. This is an excellent commentary worth sharing for all to peruse:
From PopMatters:

Queer, Isn't It?: Jesus Loves Me, This I Know by Michael Abernethy.

"Imagine you are in a park with your young son or daughter. It’s a nice day and you’re enjoying your time with your child, when you notice a man in the park. One of the other parents tells you that the man is a homosexual. How would you feel? You would worry about the safety of your child. You should leave the park as fast as possible, and you probably wouldn’t go back to that park again.”

This frightening scenario was the introduction to a presentation one of my college students made; the proposed topic of his speech was why homosexuals shouldn’t be allowed to marry. It’s not a position I support, but I encourage my students to be honest in their speeches, so long as they can provide a rational foundation for their positions. However, this particular young man chose not to argue in his speech that marriage was intended for one man and one woman, but instead proposed that all homosexuals should be rounded up and forced to live together on an island. His rationale for this proposition: the Bible.

Needless to say, I was disappointed by his speech. Assuming his idea was feasible and the horrible homosexual sinners could so easily be isolated, why stop there? How about the Isle of Lost Adulterers? The Strait of Whores? Pedophile Peninsula? And why stop with the sexually-based sins? Why not have the County of Persons who Fail to Honor Mom and Dad, False Witness Valley, and Coveter’s Cove? But then you start to run into problems with logistics. Where, for example, would you put the person who bore false witness against his or her parents?

Certainly, each individual is entitled to his or her beliefs. My student has every right to support a homophobic, antiquated idea of morality. Likewise, each individual is free to define sin however he or she chooses. I’m sure more than a few religious types would be disturbed by my notion of who is rotting in the inner circle of Hell, so I won’t presume to tell them whom they have to believe is there. Nonetheless, no one concept of sin or religion should be considered a mandate for a philosophy of government.

In the United States, of course, that mandate usually stems from calls for legislation based on a conservative Christian ideology. The implications of governance based on conservative Christian beliefs are far-reaching for the GLBT community. A Marriage Amendment defining marriage as a union between a man and woman is a certainty, civil unions will be banned, and protections against hate crimes and discrimination on the job and in housing would be erased. Quite possibly, a return to imprisonment or death for GLBT persons could occur.

Those who think a return to the days of killing homosexuals is far-fetch need only read Leviticus 20:13-14, which calls for exactly that (but only male homosexuals—lesbians get a pass on being put to death at least, but they too, will be persecuted). Thus, the rhetoric of the upcoming election rightly has gay and lesbian activists worried as to how far some candidates would go.

Take the words of presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, who announced while campaigning that Ameicans should amend the US Constitution to match “God’s standards”, not change God’s standards to match the Constitution. Or how about John McCain, who told Beliefnet.com that the Constitution founded a Christian nation (although not really, as the Constitution contains no reference of God whatsoever). While McCain has retracted his statement, there’s still the Republican Platform of Texas, which flat-out declares that the United States is a Christian nation.

But whose Christianity? There are 67 million Catholics, 16 million Southern Baptists, and six million Mormons in the United States. All three of these branches of Christianity have vastly different interpretations of the Bible, and their readings differ from those of the Methodists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Lutherans, Greek Orthodox, and others. If we go with the majority, clearly then America is a Catholic nation, but try selling that idea to Texas Republicans.

Then there are the fringe Christians, such as the members of Westboro Church, better known as Fred Phelps’ church. According to Phelps, Heath Ledger will burn in Hell for playing a gay man, along with former NFL star Patrick Tillman, who died defending a country that harbors gays. In Phelps’ worldview, God may be displeased but can accept the 17,000 yearly murders, 92,000 annual rapes, and 234,000 convicted pedophiles in Phelps’ country; however, homosexuality has angered God to the point that He is willing to allow innocent people to die in war, natural disasters, and terrorist acts just to make a point. Where does this interpretation of Christianity fit in a Christian nation?

Therefore, the first challenge of this Christian nation would be to set a standard of what "Christianity” means. Its second challenge is to have a major overhaul of both its government and its economy. Currently, only two acts listed in the Ten Commandments are illegal. Constitution amendments need to be passed immediately to insure that Americans aren’t taking the Lord’s name in vain and that the next time a President gets a blowjob outside of wedlock, there will be no doubt about his fate.

Also, those Constitutional amendments outlawing slavery will have to be revoked, although the new slavery will be economically-based and not racially. The Bible is very explicit about who can and should be a slave—for instance, any one who is a daughter, i.e., all women, are game.

Of course, the greatest economic impact will be the closing of, well, everything on Sunday. No cops or prison guards working, hospital employees will get the day off, no store clerks or restaurant workers can work—which means that all stores and restaurants will be closed. No football or other sports, no newspaper, no TV broadcasts, no Sunday matinee at the movies, no zoos or museums available on this day. Americans must not ask those people employed at such places to risk their eternal souls by working on Sunday. The resulting loss of revenue to those industries is incalculable, not to mention the loss of human life when paramedics, fire personnel, and doctors fail to answer emergency calls.

The fashion industry will be hit particularly hard, as the mixing of fabrics is banned, which I find problematic as I got this really cool sweater for Christmas I’ll have to burn. The farming industry will also be hit hard, since it’s forbidden to mix seeds within a field. No more growing corn in the same field as lettuce. Both the food industry and football are in for a shake-up, as touching the carcass of a pig is prohibited. On the up side, sheep farmers will see a boom, since people will be able to offer up ewes as offerings for their sins. Likewise, the poor will prosper in this Christian nation, as the Bible commands all to be “open-handed” with them.

There are literally thousands of changes that will have to be made for Americans to truly form a Christian nation, from stoning women who don’t cover their heads in church to exempting newlywed men from military or civic duty. But suppose Americans unite under another religion, say, Islam, Hinduism, or Scientology? No matter what the religion, big changes will have to be made.

To some, what I am suggesting may seem ludicrous. No civilized Western country would engage in such practices as the ones listed here. Yet, Jesus tells us it’s an all or nothing proposition:

I tell you this: so long as heaven and earth endure, not a letter, not a stroke, will
disappear from the Law until all that must happen has happened. If any man therefore sets aside even the least of the Law’s demands, and teaches other to do the same, he will have the lowest place in the kingdom of Heaven… (Matthew 5:18 - 19)

Thus, it’s clear that one doesn’t get to pick and choose which parts of the Bible will be obeyed, but realistically, that’s what happens every day. In America, mandates within the Law of the Bible that are no longer culturally acceptable, such as slavery or public stoning, are ignored, while others become political talking points.

All of this Biblical talk matters for one simple reason: many use the Bible as justification for discriminatory practices. We can’t allow gays and lesbians to wed because it isn’t sanctioned in the Bible. We can’t allow gays and lesbians to raise children because the Bible rebukes them. We can’t allow gays and lesbians to live because it makes God mad.

Yet, we allow these same “special rights” to other” sinners”. If you want to deny me my rights because I’m a sinner, work just as hard to deny the rights of every other sinner in this country. Otherwise, shut up.

Perhaps if Americans want to incorporate religion into their governing process, they should invoke the ethic of reciprocity, the one idea that is consistent across every major religion of the world. In Christianity, it’s known as the Golden Rule. The Buddhists say “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful”, while the Islamic faith states “None of you believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” Native American religion tells us "What we do to everything, we do to ourselves. All is really One”. Wicca preaches that in all things, practitioners should do no harm. In other words, if you don’t want your right to marry to be based on whether people accept whom you have fallen in love with, don’t impose that standard on others.

When you remove the religious position from the equation, there is no argument as to why gays and lesbians shouldn’t marry. Nothing in the US Constitution forbids it, and the structure of that governing document for the Country encourages equity. Sure, lots of people will posit arguments based on biased and disreputable “research” (gays are all pedophiles, lesbians can’t sustain relationships), but the truth boils down to this: there is no justifiable reason to deny GLBT persons equality under the law. It’s not about your right to believe in religion; it’s about your right to impose those beliefs on all of us.

Yuki's Thoughts: LGTs have a long way to go in gaining recognition and presence in Christianity. But the prayer remains for a better tomorrow in peace and love.

Transgenders/Transsexuals And Malaysia (We Love Our Country, But Our Country Do Not Love Us).

2008-03-02T18:57:00.002+08:00

The elections in Malaysia are coming again, and once again there is not even one politician willing to take on the lesbian, gay and transgender issues in Malaysia. Over at the United States, the proponents of the issues is headed by Democrat Senator Barrack Obama, followed by Senator Hilary Clinton and surprisingly Republican John McCain. Both Sen. Obama and Sen. Clinton had voiced disgust over the senseless murder of 15-year old transgender Lawrence King in California.

In the States, and across the world, the adaptation of the new look on homosexuality and transgenderism has hit a high. When the APA removed homosexuality from the DSM-IV in 1973, a stance supported by other major medical and mental health institutions (something the Christian fundamentalists view as caused by pressure of gay groups), more and more people are realising it is absurd to state that 477,000 medical and mental health professionals bowed down to any pressures.

Instead it is a reassurance that decades of studies had proven that homosexuality is just as normal a condition as heterosexuality. On Gender Identity Disorder or GID (know to be equated at some quarters as Harry Benjamin Syndrome (HBS)), the general public is beginning to realise that this medical condition exists, and goes to challenge the very fabric of sexuality perpetuated by religious groups and the conservative public. Sadly, these information is filtered out in my country, Malaysia.

In Malaysia, transgenders/transsexuals are considered a culture and often rejected by society as freakish outkasts. Most are considered to be creatures having declined social morals. And because the people in this box called Malaysia refuse to think out of the box, most transgenders are always stuck in their closets, fearing disrimination and rejection. Transsexuals got it worse, because they can never be in closets, making them an obvious target of not only ridicule, but also violence.

Three years ago, a transsexual named Mumtaz in Ipoh was arrested, stripped and humiliated by Malaysian Police personnel for waiting for her husband in a hotel room. Last year, a transsexual named Ayu was arrested for just chatting with a friend at a bus stop, then was seriously beaten by religious authorities. This year, another named Freda was found murdered. The media disrespectfully portrayed her as a 'he' wearing red long-sleeved T-shirt, black bra and black pants.

Along the lines, the media never cease to broadcast 'bad news' about transgenders at every opportunity. And authorities continue to be brutal towards transgenders. Across the years, many transgenders/transsexuals are being penalized (some are non-muslims), abused, raped, cheated and even murdered. Some managed to get some headlines thanks to affiliates and groups such as PT Foundation. Most sadly ended up John Doe's, even though medical sciences calls them Jane's.

Transgenders/transsexuals are people. Some of us are registered voters like me. Democracy is a government of the people, by the people and for the people. So why is the government treating transgenders/transsexuals with such disdain is beyond me. GID/ HBS are valid medical conditions requiring treatment of aligning the body to its correct sexual identity. We need protection. Alas, in Kuala Terengganu, they attempt rehabs to get MF transgenders/transsexuals out of feminine 'habits'.

The absurd, foolish and ludacrious treatment handed out by Malaysian authorities upon transgender/transsexuals have not even raised one eyebrow hair in the government of Malaysia. Malaysia claims glory and coming of age in sending a space flight attendant (oops, sorry, erm' astronaught) to space. Malaysia heralded development of infrastructure like the Petronas Twin Towers. However for transgenders/transsexuals, Malaysia chose to be ignorant and preducicial.

Such is a country labelled around the world as a laughing stock. “First class facilities, third class mentality” they called Malaysia. Seriously for a country that gives its Muslim women the right to decide whether to have their hair covered, Malaysia still chooses to be stubborn in regards to it's own people who are transgenders/transsexuals. With more GID/HBS medical approach and legal protection applied by the world today (even Iranians are on it); what becomes of my country now?

Yuki's Funnies: The Gay Agenda... Everybody has one... Get yours today.... ! (2)

2008-02-27T20:32:00.003+08:00

Darn it! I do not know who actually owns this relic copy of the “Gay Agenda”! It is either Steph Mineart or Jim Haungs! Eitherways, Yuki thanks them so very much for letting her have this latest dangerous show of homosexual propaganda! All you heterosexuals, beware! Hahaha...ZZZZZZZ....

I know that many of you have heard Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell and others speak of the "Homosexual Agenda," but no one has ever seen a copy of it. Well, I have finally obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual. It follows below:

6:00 am Gym

8:00 am Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)

9:00 am Hair appointment

10:00 am Shopping

12:00 PM Brunch

2:00 PM
1) Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State and Local Governments as well as all other national governments,
2) Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle,
3) Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages,
4) Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels,
5) Establish planetary chain of homo breeding gulags where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership,
6) bulldoze all houses of worship, and
7) Secure total control of the INTERNET and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers.

2:30 PM Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest

4:00 PM Cocktails

6:00 PM Light Dinner (soup, salad, with Chardonnay)

8:00 PM Theater

11:00 PM Bed (du jour)"

Waiting For That Day.

2008-02-27T20:32:00.000+08:00

It is now the 27th of February. In exactly four months time, aided and supported by an ever loving husband, and with tons of friends cheering me on; I shall embark on a journey that some have taken triumphantly, but many did not reach this destination. Some cited religion, others the fear of pain, but a good many gave the reason of the worry of being stuck in limbo identity wise as a consequence to it. But I without any hesitation, fear, and with lots of prayer, will be on my way.

The Sex Reassignment Surgery brings with it a new life. For me it is something spiritual, it is like coming home. Or as my friend joked of that Britney song in relations to me, 'I am not a girl, not yet a woman'; but all Yuki needs is not time, but getting the mutated growth out of her. Yes, my satisfaction would be all complete. I would have no shame in going to female spas, and I shall walk proudly out on the streets with hot pants and the T-back underneath it. My joy will be complete.

And with it a husband to share it with. I am removing a biological chastity belt and will be having a sex life with someone that had shown tremendous love, affection and sacrifice for me. I will be able to swim in a bikini or swimsuit without anymore shame. In some Asian countries like Thailand, having that 'thing' taken off is the symbol of coming of age into womanhood. I am finally alive.

Perhaps many do not understand why a person like me wishes to go for it. My Credo brother actually questioned me of my self acceptance. He said if I really accepted myself, I do not need to remove it. But I threw back the answer, something I was incapable of doing two years ago. I told him, that as I can never understand homosexuals 100% how matter I research because of the lack of real time life on it, he can never understand a transsexual. We just had to do what is right and just.

He reminded me again that I can never be a real girl. I beg to differ. With everything from my heart and mind motivations to God, to my psychological and human spirit, I had always been a girl. In fact I never even come close to being half of a boy, instead I had always been closer to who I am. As all the memories of people, from churches to friends trying to define a manhood into me subside, along with the decades of hurt; I am finally happy in my shell heading towards the future.

All the fixations of sex organs as a gender marker can be thrown away now as I am no longer confused. A man with two dicks do not turn him into a superman. A man losing a dick to cancer do not make him less of a man. A woman having being born without the ability to have a child do not make her a man. A woman having small breasts do not make her less than a woman. Likewise, the sexual organ I am getting is just an identification imprint below. I understand now that I am female.

With this huge physiological change coming in a few months time, I did a lot of reflections into my past life, the struggles of trying to be what people want me to be, letting people define who I am, even now at the midst of the comfort I have being myself these days. But I realised I am a much stronger person now and I do not need to seek people's attention and approval anymore. I do not need to live by anyone's standards. I will never let myself be intimidated by transphobics anymore.

Perhaps it is fitting that I finally got to watch 'Beautiful Boxer' on Astro Kirana. It is really an amazing story based on true events of Nong Tum. Although my life would never be so spectacular like hers, and I could not even jog for more than 5 rounds around the park (let alone deliver knock out Muay Thai punches like her); everyone of us transsexuals would have our own stories to tell, lives to live, stuffs to face. All of us are going through dangers in our lives but we must hang on.

I am looking forward so much to the 'cutting' point of my transition. By the long winded tone of this post you should know I am thrilled to bits. Of course I could never imagine the impact of waking up realising the abnormal growth is gone, or even the pain that might ensue. I am hoping to get internet access at the hospital and hotel so that I could have a daily updates of what is happening an keep my writing up to date. In the meantime; my heartful thanks for those who had accepted the lady I am.

The Turnaround Of The Season.

2008-02-22T01:46:00.001+08:00

Three weeks passed by so quickly on this Chinese New Year 2008 season, and visions of all past Chinese New Years haunted me this year. Those were happier times then; my friends were around, there are 'red packets' to get, we went gambling together house to house, we went to pubs. But after coming out as who I am, though there were happy times throughout the festivities, this is one season I rather forget, especially when it is worse than last year's heartbreaking mediocre affair.

My diet plan went bust after I dragged myself to the outpatient clinic at Kelana Jaya Medical Centre for liver inflammation and gastric. Thanks to that, my weight is not going to go down anytime soon now. With great dismay I had gained another kilo, and stuck with a sick liver that will take at least another three weeks to heal. With my birthday coming up in a month's time, this means of course I would probably still have this almost 80kg plus frame going into the 32nd year of my lifetime.

My parents are still not accepting of me. Not that I am bothered, but in the end in our lifetime we would only have one set of parents. I love them, even though they feel shame that their 'son' had become their daughter. They are afraid that their neighbours would find out and start gossiping. My friend told me in an Asian culture, a boy that 'wishes' to be a girl is a shame to the family. But I really wonder when is it a shame to just be yourself. Guess ignorance still breeds intolerance.

I am missing my husband in Australia. He had given me so much, a life for that matter, in such a short period in time. He is validating day by day my choice to marry him. Today, he even sms-ed me and told me how he wished I was by his side. In the turmoil of living in a society that just do not wish to understand transsexuals, I know I must go back to him soon. And I know he will be waiting in these few months for me to be by his side again. Our temporary separation had been hard on us.

I spend this season worrying about my car. It is a liability, but being an emotional creature that I am I chose to painstakingly protect it at all costs for its sentimental value. With my car, I had gone through so many adventures. I spent a good time between festivities trying to settle my summons and insurance, which took weeks, in order to get my road tax done. It was only finalized yesterday. Now I still have to wait for my friend the road tax to me, so there is more waiting to be done.

And all of the spending; giving 'red packets' for the season, rescuing a friend, summons with insurance and road tax for my car, my first HRT in months and others had burnt a big bad hole in my pocket. Not that I am concerned, because I still have my two meals a day and the occasional drink; but I really want to save money for any rainy days that may come. I had learned from past experiences of being totally flat broke, so being back to that situation is a real no no for me, ever!

Surely things would turn around, I told myself. Every since I started writing professional articles for Ex-Gay Watch, I find it difficult to maintain both my personal blogsite and Reflections Asia. Then, as fate would allow it, one of my lesbian friends dropped in to the Reflections site and now I may have finally found a writing partner. And I finally had the time to get this post done today. And today, the last day of the Chinese New year season, things just suddenly got better and better.

I hung out with Eddy, a good friend of mine who had been one of the core support for me. He had virtually seen me grow from the troubled young confused 30 something year old and blossom into the person that is called Vivienne now. He had commented this evening that I had come a long way, no longer being insecure and troubled in my own self anxieties and the hurt of having people define who I am. And the invitation to dine accompanied by his boyfriend, brings out a gigantic surprise.

His boyfriend knows someone that I had known for half of my life, amounting to 16 years. Holding back the tears, trying to be cool as I spoke to her after a three year separation, I am finally reunited to the first person I ever called my sister. She is the only friend I had in those year back in high school when I was still struggling with myself. It really feels ultra good to hear her voice on the line again. And I finally get to face her as who I am. It is like my entire nervous system had been healed.

Gosh, how things can change within one day. Life is really ironic sometimes. My Chinese New year season ended on a high note after all. Hope that you all had a beautiful Chap Goh Meh too. Ditto.

Yuki's Funnies: The Gay Agenda... Everybody has one... Get yours today.... ! (1)

2008-02-01T20:06:00.000+08:00

Yes... the Gays are out to destroy civilization! Each and every gay has an agenda against the hetero civilization... It cannot be stopped. Har Har Har.... (Cough cough. Gosh, my gay agenda of the day in this sauna is getting steaming humid).

It is true! The Gay Agenda is ever so close to its formation and execution, even at Singapore!

Pleinelune, off Sayoni Speaks:

I’m going to let you guys in on a secret: all the rumours about the Gay Agenda are absolutely true. Every last word. In my hands I have the Masterplan of the Gay Community, otherwise known as Gaytopia 2050, hardcopy edition. I’ve obtained these plans from the headquarters of Homopolis, located somewhere in between the end of the rainbow and the pot of gold. It wasn’t easy sneaking it out, as I had to get past a couple of flamboyant queens who insisted on giving me makeup tips, and a whole army of dancing gay men who wouldn’t let me pass until I Flaunted it. And then there was the perilous trip across the oily and slippery room of diesel dykes, and the final barrier: walking through the Hall of Decadence.

Before the queens in high heels descend on me with their featherboas, I am going to give you all a sneakpeak in to the Masterplan, planned to the second, till 2050.

Top Ten Goals to be achieved by 2050

Outlaw straight sex - heterosexuality is an affront to our morals and repugnant to a small minority of society who insists on stripping other people of their rights in order to feel good about themselves, even though their rights are not affected.

Outlaw straight marriage - straight people will destroy the institution of marriage with their rising divorce rates, partner abuse, adultery, exploitation of children, sexual violence against women and children [what if fathers rape their daughters?!]. It is not safe for our children to grow up in a stable two-parent household, even though they are loving and caring, because it is inherently bad for them to have parents of different sexes. There are no studies to prove this, but it is true because we say so!

Anyone who admits he or she is straight will be discharged from the army, and made ineligible to donate blood. Even though, really, orientation has nothing do with either of these things, but who cares?

Encourage a culture of intolerance, where parents disown straight children if they ever come out to you. It is always shameful when your child grows up to be a healthy productive individual in society but isn’t fucking whom you want him to fuck. If technology is advanced enough, find the straight gene and abort straight foetuses before birth. Better yet, manipulate their genes in-utero.

Make it compulsory to dismiss straight individuals in high-ranking positions in the government and MNCs, because apparently the thought of them fucking someone of the opposite sex is too much to bear for the people who interact with them or work under them.

Dismiss straight teachers - they might prey on the children!

Make life hell for straight activists. Monitor their activities, and ban their events, especially if they involve picnics, a run, or an exhibition.

Slap R21 ratings on movies which dare to suggest that straight people are happy and normal too. Or ban them completely. Tell the media they are not supposed to print or show anything which “celebrates” heterosexuality.

Send straight people into rehabilitation camps, where they will learn to renounce their abnormal heterosexual tendencies and learn to love people of the same sex, the way they were always intended to. Who cares if this damages them for life? The important thing is that we dictate whom people are allowed to love.

Allow straight people to live in peace provided that they do nothing to reclaim the rights they are entitled to, so that we can get their money.

Top Five Ways to Impose our “Culture” on everyone else

Outlaw croc shoes - no one should be wearing that horrible excuse for footwear, which look more like pieces of Hannibal’s mask cut and dyed.

Make gym membership compulsory for all men upon reaching the age of 18. National Service just doesn’t cut it, in keeping our men fit! Plus there is no danger of mosquito bites in a gym.

Make it compulsory for all kids to learn Madonna songs by heart from primary 3 onwards.

Force employers to give emergency paid leave based on “my-girlfriend’s-ex-threw-a-drink-in-her-face-at-a-bar-its-all-lesbian-drama-gotta-go”.

Make U-hauls compulsory - no couples shall date for more than 3 days before getting into a relationship and moving in.

Oh no the queens are knocking on the door… I have to run!

Yuki's Movie Review: Cloverfield.

2008-01-29T17:20:00.000+08:00

Warning: Spoilers Proudly On Display.

Cloverfield was probably one of the movies I had earmarked to watch this year. I saw the awesome shocking trailer online, and at the time it was a mysterious film, with no title given out for the movie. The only hint we had was that it was a JJ Abrams produced movie, but the sight of a giant gust of fire and the sudden decapitated head of the Statue Of Liberty landing awkwardly on the streets of New York is enough to get any movie observer curious about what the movie is all about.

One thing I do not understand is why it had to be New York. This is, like, the second movie setting New York as the city for annihilation (I am sure Will Smith's “I Am Legend”'s vampire/zombie ravaged New York still comes to mind) this year. New York... but as a city for disaster strikes? Yikes... is everyone still having a hangover of 9/11? I sure miss the romance and splendour of that city, with its melancholic mood all around. Where are all the movies like “You've Got Mail”?

Anyway, back to the movie. Cloverfield (untitled at the time) was the presumed to be a movie about a gigantic robot, with everyone thinking it was Voltron. Then when producer JJ Abrams hinted at it being an American monster, it then had everyone guessing again at what kind of monster it could be. Before the name Cloverfield, the movie was supposed to be named “Slusho”, but the curiousity once the movie name came out made Cloverfield the permanent name, but still plays into the hype.

Cloverfield is about the journey of five people Rob, his brother Jason with his girlfriend Lily, Rob's best friend Hud and the girl he admires Marlena; on the rescue of apple of Rob's affection, Beth (Actually, that is what the synopsis said but technically, it is four because Jason died before the rescue mission begins). I have mixed emotions of the choice of little known actors for this movie. One thing, it makes it so easy to kill off all the characters. But the lesson of friendship is there.

But at what price? In the name of friendship, in order to rescue Beth, all of them except Lily died. Yes, all of them except one. It serves as such an easy backdrop for the monster (I suspect the original title “Slusho” actually refers to the name of the creature). They actually contributed to the body count. In the end, is it all worth it? No, because if it takes the risk of losing four lives to rescue one, it is a show of pure stupidity. Yes, because that is how we could get to see the monster in full.

And what slimy, disgusting piece of meat the monster is. I always believe monsters are not supposed to be cute. The American production Godzilla strikes me as too cute. The destruction of the city in Godzilla was cute. The way some of them 'died' in Godzilla, or nearly got squashed, was cute. In fact, even Godzilla's babies in the end of the movie is cute. The song 'Heroes' sung by The Wallflowers must be the cutest songs ever produced. And boy, yes, Matthew Broderick is cute too!

But there is nothing cute about this monster. This creature kills, to the extent one of the soldiers exclaimed, “Whatever it is, it is winning”. Amazingly awesome killing instincts, capable of releasing dozens and dozens of baby monsters capable of taking out even soldiers with guns. This monster is so haunting some of you may have nightmares about it. And because the movie is shot entirely on a video camera's angle it makes the movie so real, except for those with motion sickness.

But the definite star of the movie must be it. The 'Video Camera'! It lasts so long to tell the tale. I counted probably more than 15 hours of battery, and tape. And you know what, the 'Video Camera' is so robust; it is flung here and there, got hit several times, smashed to the ground, dragged all over the place, got into a pile of rocks after a bomb blast, and it is still functioning properly! Surely, we must know the brand this 'Video Camera' is. It must be one of the most incredible ones in the world!

Overall, I find 'Cloverfield', positively one of the more entertaining movies of this year. The camera angle conveys a sense of realism to the whole movie. And you can literally grow with the characters of this movie (to the point they died of course). But you do feel for the friends. But I do think they could have done more for the ending. The identity of the monster, and the fate of the monster or the city, is not revealed in the end, leaving audiences feeling unfulfilled. I give it a rating 3.5 out of 5.

Yuki's Choice Reading: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloverfield

My Mission To Quit Smoking And Lose Weight (The Beginning).

2008-01-26T18:25:00.000+08:00

Quitting is still, in English terms, a present continuous tense (correct me if I am wrong). Yesterday, on the 25th of January 2008 at 9am, yours truly smoked her last cigarette (serious!), so this is a quit. Yep, I abused this body for a solid 7 years and more with a stick made out of paper and tobacco that burns and produces nicotine with tar, sucking it in by 20, sometimes 40 sticks a day; that my lungs sometimes refuse to absorb oxygen in. I have been preparing for this moment since the new year.

I am also trying to lose weight. I now stand at 175 cm tall, but according to my home scale, I am overweight. I am currently 78kg. I remembered a few months ago when I did my medical checkup I was more lighter then. But coming back from Australia to Malaysia, my mouth went berserk, dining on all the food that have been deprived from me. Yes, I miss Malaysian food. I miss all the Bah Kut Teh, the steaming Sweet & Sour Rice, the incomparable Chee Cheong Fun and Chow Kuey Teow.

I am now on a 6 week mission that should end on the 7th of March 2008, two weeks and two days shy of my 32nd birthday eve. In these six weeks, I would be attempting to reduce my weight to under 59kg, and not take a single cigarette until the withdrawal symptoms had passed and I do not need to smoke anymore. I will going on a protein and exercise mode to burn calories and clear out my lungs from nicotine faster. There would also be few days of starvation diet (not advisable to follow me).

I will be recording my progress here on my site. I should be doing the starvation diet intensely on Monday till Friday next week. In these five days I would not take anything but water. If I do feel very hungry I would just take drinks like Tomato juices or Milo to fill up my energy levels. Also, I would be taking only minimal food throughout the six weeks, concentrating on foods with less calories but lots of protein like tunas, eggs and chicken. I will also be taking in lots of vegetables.

There would be a chance of a small collapse in terms of the smoking, but I must stop totally exactly four weeks before 6th March 2008, in which four weeks is the period required for a person to be rid of nicotine from the body, one of the things that creates the 'urge' to smoke. I have not been drinking much, except for red wines in cafes, therefore the places that I have the habit of smoking is avoided; my strong habits to smoke in pubs should be controlled down to a more comfortable level.

Reporting how I feel right now, I am tired and facing withdrawal symptoms, I am more easily irritated then before. I feel tremendously week and sleepy. But I noticed my face looks more fresh then yesterday. I have only eaten a plate of raw sushi with just two rolls of rice and some healthy salads, with chicken rice yesterday. Today I have eaten only a plate of mee with three raw boiled eggs and this afternoon a very small portion of rice with some vegetables, beans and a fish ball.

Weight today: 77.9 kg

Body fat percentage: 35.7%

Body hydration percentage: 46.4%

Cigarettes smoked this week: unknown.

Exercises done this week: none.

I will be making presentations of progress on my mission every weekend. With SRS coming in June, it is really time to quit smoking. And for the first time in my lady self, I really am dying to get the beautiful body that I have never got before. I have been spoiled by the habits of smoking and my love for food. It is time to be healthy. As the old saying goes, you are what you eat. And I do not want to wait until it is too late for me to quit smoking. Hope I could get some progress running.

Real Love Ministry responds to truth in extreme manner.

2008-01-13T23:33:00.000+08:00

I have been waiting for this, but never in such fashion... Comments in bold....

"http://rlm.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2008/01/dont_trust_this.html

Dont trust this transgender!

Attention
Churchin
Malaysia…

There is an individual by the name of Vivian @ Yuki @ Anonymous @ etc who is going international via internet to destroy the name and ministry Ps Edmund & RLM (www.r-l-m.com).

I have never use annonymous. I am proud to be out and I am known as Vivian Yuki Choe. I have nothing to hide, but as they showed here they have a lack of sense to discuss anything, then hide into their own dungeon of personal dogma.

This individual is a transgender (a male who believes that he is meant to be a female) who was once helped by Ps Edmund but became vicious because Ps Edmund refused to condone to his pro-gay and pro-transgender believes.

A transgender encompasses crossdressers and transvestites. A transsexual is a person chromosomnally, biologically, hormonally and psychologically defined in total opposite of the birth sexual organ in representation of the society's views on sex. Again, they refuse to do any research on the true definitions of the LGT scope, and instead prefer to invent their own definitions that are totally incorrect. I can announce that I have been diagnosed with 'Harry Benjamin Syndrom' with Gender Identity Disorder' by three medical professionals, as I explained in my previous post. But unfortunately, science of mental health and medical professionals are non existent in them as we can see here.

And the reason on Reflections Ministry opposing RLM as the opposite polar on LGT issues is already released in statement on this site. But as they show here, they have problems with reading information from sources other than from the creation from their untrained minds. They call what they do not read as crap.

http://yuki-thejourney.blogspot.com/2007/08/announcements-1.html

The creation of Reflections Ministry was only for the purpose of gay, lesbian and transgender affirmation for christians and non-christians alike. The ex-gay articles wing were not to be inclusive of Real Love Ministry, because I still consider Edmund Smith a friend in Christ's love, and in giving face to his older brother. But after he unleashed an anti-transgender rhetoric article as mentioned in the link, I feel Reflections need to protect herself from such attacks coming from a man who professes love for the LGT community, but had shown otherwise.

Vivian stalks the internet to see where Ps Edmund / RLM are mentioned. And like below – he will condemned Ps Edmund / RLM. Below is just one of the hundreds of schemes of Vivian. He is dangerous & definitely an instrument of the devil. What can you do?

We realise here now what goes on in the mind of the heads of Real Love Ministry. Unable to discuss intelligently what had been tabled to them, they resort to this uncharacteristic attack on me, calling all the true facts and sciences I presented from here as 'schemes'. I am proud to be called 'dangerous', I should be in the face of such tirades, but to be accused of 'definitely an instrument of the devil'? Wow.

1. Pray for him

Thank you. I am sure Our Saviour would know what to do.

2. Do not entertain him (many Christians are interacting with him – online)

I believe after reading such incredible act of non commonsensial response, the online community would know who to entertain.

3. Pass this email to everyone you know.

Thank you, please do so.

Real Love brings Real Life,

Very true indeed. And REAL LOVE Ministry should be taken into scrutiny.

Ps Amanda Smith (wife of Ps Edmund Smith)"

This shows exactly that Real Love Ministry has reduced themselves into a cult, even without any assistance from me. I have stated facts, after facts, again facts, and instead of intellectually discussing the information I presented from valid and authorative sources, however they still resort to this totally unchristianlike manner. And with such lack of security and 'real love'.

With this being the 6th or 7th post on Real Love Ministry out of the 77 posts here, everyone can see I have a life other than talking about them. I only respond when there are more marginalization, misinformation and misrepresentation in regards to the LGT community. As such, perhaps now the lesbian, gay, and transgender community would know now why I no longer regard Real Love Ministry as an option in regards to Christian help for homosexuality. Rather, this show of force would help the community to finally realise what RLM is all about.

Yuki's thoughts:
If I am ever killed by someone who believes I am an instrument of the devil and thinks they are doing it 'for God', because they preached enough intolerace as they showed here; I am happy to return to He who takes this burden from me. However, not my will, but His be done. And I pray God washes their hands clean from their tresspassing and slaughter of the hearts of me and LGT community.

The Call.

2008-01-10T02:16:00.000+08:00

Today the 9th January 2008, at 4.34pm on Wednesday afternoon, I received my first hate call. The person on the other line was a good friend from our Karaoke days, and unfortunately a worker for the Real Love Ministry. The first words uttered from her was... “This is J*****. Can you stop talking about Real Love Ministry?” These words of anger was followed by distinctive repetitions of 'Something is wrong with your brain. You should go seek mental help' and 'You are talking crap'.

She is a young twenty something girl who had been involved in the Real Love Ministry for years. I consider her intelligent, but nevertheless naive enough to be brainwashed to the extent of denying facts as presented. I asked her whether she read my blog, she said she did not need too. And weird enough, even though she did not read my blog, she went on to repeatedly said what I posted was crap. This is the real sign of repulsive behaviour to facts, and the bliss of ignorance to what is true.

There is of course the mix emotions coming from this call. One, was of course the fact that I consider this young girl a friend. Secondly, her refusal to listen was appalling. The reality that she is willing to devote her sane mind to the what she thinks are the infallible words of a man who professes to be ex-gay but is probably a confused heterosexual, her choice in listening to the distorted sciences by him, and her willingness to submit to the misinformation objectives of RLM.

I cited on both my blogs research on transsexuals since the 1930s. And how true is the words she said, there IS something wrong with my brain. I am diagnosed by two Malaysian doctors and a renowned psychiatrist in Australia as a classic case of transsexualism. Known as Harry Benjamin Syndrome. In fact new research even points out to chromosomnal, hormonal and biological causes. My cure unfortunatlely (pity to her assertion that I needed to be placed in a mental institute), is this:

http://www.harrybenjaminsyndrome-info.org/definition.html

IN ORDER TO PROPERLY REASSIGN THE PERSON’S BODY TO ITS PROPER SEX THE TREATMENT WILL INCLUDE HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY (HRT) AND SEX REASSIGNMENT SURGERY (SRS) OR AS WE WOULD PREFER IT TO BE ADDRESSED AS, SEX AFFIRMATION SURGERY (SAS).
I also recited research on homosexuality since the 1950s. In fact, one startling fact I often stated:

http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbc/publications/justthefacts.html

The American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Counseling Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the National Association of School Psychologists, and the National Association of Social Workers, together representing more than 477,000 health and mental health professionals, have all taken the position that homosexuality is not a mental disorder and thus there is no need for a “cure.”

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, published by the American Psychiatric Association and defining the standard of the field, does not include homosexuality as a mental disorder. All other major health professional organizations have supported the American Psychiatric Association in its declassification of homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973.

THUS, THE IDEA THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS A MENTAL DISORDER OR THAT THE EMERGENCE OF SAME-GENDER SEXUAL DESIRES AMONG SOME ADOLESCENTS IS IN ANY WAY ABNORMAL OR MENTALLY UNHEALTHY HAS NO SUPPORT AMONG HEALTH AND MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATIONS.

So she calls all these crap? 477,000 medical professionals, teachers, cousellors, doctors and psychiatrists from many distinguished organizations tells her the absolute truth about the current medical opinion and she calls it crap? And reading the Harry Benjamin website, one would discover that all the definitions their 'ministry' put on is totally illogical and incorrect medical definitions. If she call all these crap, just think how much rubbish had been implanted into RLM disciples' minds.

This RLM officer readily digests rubbish, and I fear she is going to live with it for the rest of her life. I have nothing against her, I am only against her beloved organizations' parroting misrepresented information about homosexuality and transsexuals. Two separate sexual components, but yet unintelligently lumped together by Edmund Smith of the Real Love Ministry. But she is adamant to end our friendship. I pray someday she grows up to learn from experience.

I shudder to think what becomes the rest of Edmund Smith's disciples. Only a tearful prayer can be done at this time to save these straight souls who had been controlled into thinking we are just a bunch of 'gender confused' individuals (another favourite line used by their unlearnt leader). She is a friend, but I am writing for my brothers and sisters. If she is really a friend she would listen. I guess prejudice has a way of breaking friendships. Especially caused by the false concepts of RLM.

Yuki's Choice Reading:

http://yuki-thejourney.blogspot.com/2007/08/announcements-1.html

http://yuki-thejourney.blogspot.com/2007/08/when-real-love-ministry-is-confused.html

http://yuki-thejourney.blogspot.com/2007/08/musings-about-j-michael-bailey-and.html

http://yuki-thejourney.blogspot.com/2007/10/real-rude-awakening-edmund-smiths.html

Colour Blind.

2008-01-03T17:00:00.000+08:00

One of the first clubs I went, to coming back to Malaysia was Rainforest, located just in front of Sunway Pyramid in Petaling Jaya. There was a bunch of African blacks there dancing away, as my friends and me sat with some other chinese customers, as distant from them as possible. As security goes, we try not to even look at them, and prefer to watch the Manchester United vs Birmingham match which was shown on the screen. They are foreigners, but this is also how we treat our blacks.

My experience with the Indians in Malaysia is riddled with mixed emotions. My best friend's boyfriend is an Indian, and I recall all the problems she has with him. Indians are probably the worst possible offenders in treatment of transsexuals in Malaysia, ranging from producing derogatory remarks to violence. I had also been at the end of such acts, having my car scribbled with graffiti to being molested. At the same time however, some of my good friends are Indians.

The crime rates in Malaysia is also pointing a lot of African blacks being involved, and even Malaysian Indians are not spared. Whenever there is a robbery or murder, the suspect is often pointed to our dark coloured fellow human beings. As my former employer and good friend always say which I agree, a lot of Indians are drunkards, and wife abusers. One of my ex workmates I overheard have bruises all over and lost a few teeth due to the endless beatings from her boyfriend.

There is something about blacks that somehow compound our deepest fears. When the AIDS epidemic surfaced back in the early 1980's, way before the religious right blamed homosexuals for it by calling it gay cancer, it was a well known fact that the HIV was carried across the seas by either Haitians or African blacks. Yes, it is the blacks again. But I wonder is it our own prejudice that caused our own discrimination. Or are they really that dangerous part of human civilization.

The recent worry of the government is the big amount of naïve Malaysian women cheated into becoming drug mules. Many of those arrested recalls their stories of how they were lured into friendships with African men who ask them to carry things across the Pacific to friends, or offered them jobs to travel overseas under a lucrative package, without knowing what was packed inside the luggages. Middle Eastern men was implicated but the volume seems louder towards African blacks.

Back home, both Malaysian Indians are African blacks are usually involved actively in gangsterism. Pimps from the African black community are also rampant, especially around the Bangsar area, ready to offer money and drinks to unsuspecting girls who are eventually lured into the sex trade by them. And when there are fights at any pubs, it is usually Indians who are involved. In fact, in every pub or club I went to, the most unruly people who disrupt all the fun are always Malaysian Indians.

I do not wish to say more, but the statistics and the reality are really not good towards people who are blacks. While we idolize the black Americans in the US, with the sounds of Timberland one of my favourite pieces of musical masterpieces to listen to and Denzel Washington one of the actors I like to watch, the sad fact is when you are staying in the United States, many of the crimes committed there are also by blacks, and many forgot American blacks are from African heritage.

My good friend who is a Malaysian Indian and owns a curry house told me that Indians are ruining their own reputations because they have no choice. A huge lot of them are living below the poverty line, which is why they choose to live a rouge life. I cited Tamil movies with all its violence as a bad influence, but he reminded me that there are also a fair share of gun slinging and fighting in Chinese movies as well which is true. So what does it all come down to then? The colour black.

As the recent demonstration in Malaysia points out to us, blacks are a deeply marginalized community, not only in Malaysia, but everywhere. Yes, they may have a police record larger than the yellow pages, but have we ever thought what have we done to push most of them to live in such deplorable standards? Are we the ones who placed them into boxes until they had to use means up to violence to shred the box to pieces? Could society be better if we learnt to be colour blind?

One the parallel lines, I see very clear similarities between transsexuals and Indians. Most transsexuals have no choice but to resort to prostitution; and in the same breath, Indians have no choice but to live off crime. Some transsexuals are lucky enough to be given stereotype jobs such as salons, as with Indians driving lorries and carrying goods. Those who are fortunate transsexuals and Indians, the ones who are blessed with education, we run away from this country for better pastures.

Both communities are insecure people. Both often turn to drugs and alcohol to relieve the pains. Both groups are a community often not given opportunities like medical health care, better living conditions, and proper jobs because of we are minorities. Sometimes I do think, what can we do to contribute to the world to make a better place. One of that, is love. But sadly, the world is now materialistic and realistic enough not to believe in love anymore. I personally hope it is not too late.

I spent some time with my best friend's boyfriend the other day, and I find him to be a nice boy. Children like him, and except for the occasional temper he could be a nice gentlemen. He is responsible at work, driving miles and miles on the lorry for his boss. He is also a fine pool player. He is a good person. If we had give him, Indians, or blacks around the world, more opportunities, just ponder their potential contribution to society. What goes around, would always come around.

Yuki's Funnies: It's All Because...The Gays Are Getting Married....?

2007-12-26T13:52:00.000+08:00

I believe this music video is a satirical look at the reality of how gays and lesbians are blamed for everything that happens in the world. We already had gays and lesbians blamed for Hurricane Katrina and The World Trade Center attack, this video even adds a few other things to blame gays and lesbians on... meteors attacking Earth too....! : ) This is interesting. Hope you all like it.

A Truth Worth Sharing This Christmas.

2007-12-25T21:54:00.000+08:00

Discovered at Pam's House Blend.

From Faith In America.

A truth worth sharing this Christmas

The harm experienced by two Florida and South Carolina families this
Christmas because of religion-based bigotry against gay and lesbian
individuals is very real.

Many evangelical Christians this year may have to admit to their
children that they’ve been perpetrating an “untruth.” Perhaps they
are made just a smidgen more uncomfortable by the fact that they
believe truth was embodied in Christ - who according to their
religious teachings was a person born different than any other human
being.

So at a time when many Christians are cautioned not to forget the
“reason behind the season,” they are confronted with the fact that
they must close the door on a part of their son’s or daughter’s
childhood by telling them that certain stories about the partially eaten
cookies, the hand-scrawled note left behind and the soot smeared on
the floor were really not true.

But the young lives of a future generation will go on albeit perhaps
a bit more cynical and somewhat dejected from discovering such a truth.

For the families of Pat and Lynn Mulder of Auburndale, Fla., and Elke
Kennedy and Jim Parker of Greenville, S.C., the lives of their two
children will not be going on. The day-to-day gifts of joy they gave
their parents, siblings and friends ended with their deaths - and no
amount of perception will make their future lives and their gifts to
those around them a reality.

Pat and Lynn’s son Ryan Skipper, who was killed in April 2007, and Elke and
Jim’s son Sean Kennedy, who was killed in May 2007, will not be with their
families next week to celebrate the season - and there is an underlying
reason which we as Americans must confront honestly and truthfully.

Both young men died after attacks that have been reported as acts of
violence against them because they were born different. The
difference was that they enjoyed dating, being around, spending time
with, and bonding emotionally with men instead of women. That
difference, according to certain religious and religious/political
factions in America, condemns them as sinners, unclean, undeserving
of the same rights that other Americans enjoy and unworthy of God’s
love.

Gays and lesbian individuals are not the only Americans who have been
delegated as second-class citizens at the hand of misguided religious
teaching. African-Americans were once labeled as a cursed lot. And
with the “Adam first, Eve second” thinking, women also have been
denied equality in this country as many people believed they stood
more in favor with their God by standing opposed to full equality for
women.

The majority of religious-minded people look back on those periods in
history and realize that religious teachings were misused and
misconstrued to deny African-Americans and women full equality.

Yet many Americans today fail to see the history of religion-based
bigotry against gay and lesbian citizens and the harm that it causes
to millions of wonderful people simply because they are different.

The families of Ryan Skipper and Sean Kennedy this Christmas are
experiencing the harm that comes when a social climate of
rejection and condemnation is allowed to flourish because a society
accepts bigotry against gay and lesbians as religious truth.
While those families experienced the physical violence that is
promoted by such a climate of rejection and condemnation, millions of
of other gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans and their
family and friends experience this violence and in other forms as
well - emotional, psychological and spiritual violence.

In South Carolina, where Sean Kennedy parents will spend Christmas,
the state in 2006 voted to ban gay marriage and the opposition from
Christian churches in that state was instrumental in writing such
discrimination into South Carolina’s constitution - which
coincidentally still banned interracial marriages until just a few
years ago.

Next year in Florida, where Ryan Skipper’s parents reside, a ban on
gay marriage is being proposed for that state’s constitution and no
doubt religious and religious/political groups will lead that effort.

While denying gay and lesbian citizens the right to marry is but one
of the many rights they as American citizens are not allowed to
enjoy, it is an issue that clearly defines how a majority religious
belief is used to justify legal discrimination against a minority.

Let’s hope that people across this nation will pause for a moment to
recognize that misusing religious teachings to justify discrimination
against gay and lesbian citizens must be recognized just as wrong
today as it has been in the past.

Great social injustices of the past have fallen faint when America’s heart and
soul bestows its most wondrous gift – equality.

Sharing that truth will most assuredly enrich the lives of future generations.

Brent Childers
Executive Director
Faith In America

Yuki's thoughts: For me, it is not only a truth worth sharing this Christmans, it is also a truth worth sharing for the rest of our lives.

May the Christian conservatives, religious right and ex-gay ministries one day have the wisdom to see the light.

And these groups forgiven for their organized intolerance campaigns against gays, lesbians and transgenders worldwide.

Hope someday tomorrow all gays, lesbians and transgenders, shall be reconciled to society and Our Saviour on earth.

And be kept in security, equality, grace and affirmation, in accordance to the two greatest commandments of Christ Jesus.

This is my Christmans prayer,

And may the New Year usher in a new age of compassion, understanding and truth about people like us.

We all are God's children.

Street Fighter: Legend Of Chun Li... When will they do a Morrigan Aensland movie next?....

2007-12-22T17:42:00.000+08:00

When I was a teenager and struggling to fit in, one of the stuff I picked up to be one of the ‘boys’ was video arcade games. I played a lot of these arcade games because in a small town like Ipoh, there were not many entertaining things to do to get around. I played many, but two games which I eventually mastered, was Vampire Hunter and Street Fighter (Street Fighter II: The World Warrior, Street Fighter II: The New Challengers).

I was so good at it I gave the boys a torrid time. I practically was a master in the use of Vampire Hunter’s Morrigan Aensland, knowing how to execute all of her special powers, and also a fan of this character being close to the woman I hope to be one day, in my fantasies of course. But Street Fighter was also an appeal to me because of its storyline with cool graphics, and I managed to specialize in characters like Ken, Ryu and Blanka.

I watched three movies that spurned out of it; one was the totally comedic Hong Kong movie Future Cops, and the Jean-Claude Van Damme vehicle Street Fighter. I was totally disappointment with both, as I feel it does not do justice to the legend Street Fighter is and what it stands for in the heart of the arcade generation. The best representation of the arcade game was in the end Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie, which was awesome.

So when I heard some news today, I felt mixed emotions within me. I went, what the…!!!

Street Fighter: Legend Of Chun-Li!

Who is going to play Chun Li? It was supposedly Jessica Alba / Keira Knightley, but both turned down the ‘golden’ chance. It looks like Clark Kent’s love interest in ‘Smallville’ is the girl!

‘Street Fighter’ Has It’s Chun Li

Kristin Kreuk is Chun-Li in Street Fighter!

Street Fighter's Chun-Li Is Smallville star Kristin Kreuk

What have they done now! Kristin Kreuk as Chun Li? If she goes against Morrigan Aensland, I will give my cash that Morrigan would win without lifting a skirt, or a sweat.

Video: Are You A Boy Or A Girl?

2007-12-17T21:01:00.000+08:00

Many thanks to Marti Abernathey for the discovery of this video.

This surely is one of the most touching videos I watched thus far this year. Hope you feel it too.

Real Love Ministry's Edmund Smith brainwashing teenage girls at Christian camp.

2007-12-17T16:40:00.000+08:00

I found a peculiar blog, its title curiously close to mine, and in it is a post about a teenage girl who attended Girls Christian Camp 2007. Below is her post in regards to a session under Real Love Ministry's Edmund Smith. Claptrap at it's best.

http://jojo789.blogspot.com/2007/12/continuation-of-girls-camp-2007.html

"Sunday, 16 December 2007

Continuation of girls camp 2007 --- Homosexuality and the Ex-gay Lifetstyle

I wanted to separate the posts because I think my previous post is too long. So anyway...

I also joined the workshop “The Heart of Worship” by Pastor Ng Wah Lok and “What do you do when no one is watching” by Pastor Edmund Smith. The heart of worship workshop was really interesting. Pastor Ng Wah Lok taught about how to plan songs for worship. Pastor Edmund Smith’s topic was a little bit shocking at 1st. It was Homosexuality and the Ex-Gay Lifestyle. I really didn’t expect it. And actually I didn’t choose it. I chose The heart of worship. But Pastor Ng can only come on the 1st day, and Pastor Edmund can only come on the 2nd and 3rd day, so both workshops were joined. And I’ve learnt a lot from Pastor Edmund Smith about gays and he has really changed my perspective of gays.

If you've read my post entitled "What would YOU do?", I had this thinking that gays are born like that. I had this perspective that gays cannot be changed. But through the workshop, I've learnt that there are people who were gay and now they're not. For example, Pastor Edmund Smith himself was gay. He had 3 elder brothers. So when his mother was pregnant with him, his parents expected him to be a girl. But when he was born a boy, his parents rejected him, especially his father. He told us that his mother rejected him at 1st but then later accepted him. But for the 1st 5 years of his life, his mother treated him like a girl and later treated him like a boy. So he was very confused about his gender. He told us he hated being a guy. He wanted so badly to be a girl. And he lead a gay lifestyle for almost 11 years. He later stopped being gay because he said he suffered and was depressed during the 11 years he was leading the gay lifestyle. But of course he said it was not easy to change from being gay to straight. But he said soon after he left the gay lifestyle, he found Jesus. And his life changed from there. And oh yea, he's married by the way. Blessed with 2 kids. =)

He taught us a lot of terms and also shared with us the issues that could lead to a person being gay. First he taught us about 2 stances : the pro-gay and ex-gay stance.

Ex-gay stance = promotes ex-gay lifestyle and discourages gay lifestyle
Pro-gay stance = promotes and encourages gay lifestyle
Then he taught us some terms :

gay = (for male and female) others drawn to a person of the same sex in a way of romance and sex

lesbian = specifically for female homosexuals

Gay friendly = to be friendly to gays, but hold the ex-gay stance. Aka do not hurt or reject gays, but be friendly to them and at the same time do not encourage their gay lifestyle/do not encourage them being gay.

anti gay/homophobic = afraid of gays/hate gays. opposite of gay friendly

hermaphrodite = one who is born with both genitals.(not necessarily gay)(due to genetics)

Transgender= transfer of gender. one who has a Gender Identity Disorder. a female who wants to be a male and vice versa.

Transsexual = transgender who go for sex change operation

Transvestite = transfer of vest (clothes). a male who dresses like a female (or vice versa) mostly for fun/ performance.

Androgynous = one who appears in the middle. Eg, a person looks a little like a man but at a certain angle looks like a woman.(not due to genetics)

homophyllic = one who loves others of the same sex but has nothing to do with sex or romance.

Deep Platonic Relationship = relationship whereby a person loves another of the same sex deeply without involving sex or romance.

pedophile = adult who is drawn to children in a way of sex/romance.

metro sexual = a man who is in touch with his feminine side.(eg man who cook, do facial, do sewing, cry, etc) it is usually a term for men and it is perfectly normal.

fetrosexual = same as metro sexual but this term is used for girls (eg, girls who are strong, who love to play football/rugby etc etc

butch = a girl who wants to be a guy. they will bind their breasts, cut their hair short, act like a guy etc

The issues that could most probably lead to homosexuality :

SELF ISSUE

This issue is the rejection in the area of gender or appearance. Eg, a person who hates his/her own gender. In the area of appearance means that a person who hates the way he/she looks like. Eg, a person who feels that he/she is ugly or fat etc. Pastor Edmund was saying that don't ever hate yourself. Thank God for making you a girl/guy. Never say that you wish were the opposite gender. It really woke me up because there were times where I hated being a girl (it was not serious/severe). But yea, his words made me thank God everyday that I am a girl. I am who He made me to be.

And also Pastor Edmund said, don't complain you're ugly, but rather remember that you are beautiful in God's eyes, and that's all that matters. God made all of us beautiful, so don't ever say or complain that you're ugly. He also said don't complain about being fat. But instead, exercise, eat well and rest well. (A big bang to my head for that. LOL)

VACUUM ISSUE

This issue is basically about the absence of love of a parent/relative of the same gender. For example, Pastor Edmund did not have love from his father. His father was there physically but he didn't love Pastor Edmund. So Pastor Edmund was looking and wanting love from a person of the same gender.

Pastor Edmund said that many people always look for Mr/ Miss Right. And he was stressing that there is no such thing as Mr/ Miss Right, because no one is perfect. And he also said that no one completes us. He said for example, his wife does not complete him, but compliments him.

During one of the night sessions (not connected to this workshop), Pastor Eric Lau came to speak and he quote a saying from Pascal : "In the hearts of every men and women there is a God shaped vacuum that can only be filled by God the creator through Jesus Christ". This is so true.

BARRIER ISSUE

This issue is where a person is unable to be romantically involved with another of the opposite sex because the person has been abused verbally or sexually. For example, a girl may have been molested or raped. She will look at men as monsters and she won't be comfortable being romantically involved with a man. If this issue is not resolved (through counselling), she will stick to girls and this can lead to lesbianism.

*phew* So yea, he was telling us that gays are not born. God doesn't make gays. A person becomes gay mostly because he/she has not resolve either one, two, or all of these 3 issues. A person can also become gay because of influence from the world. He also taught about Deep Platonic Relationship. It is normal and possible, to love a person of the same sex deeply without involving romance/sexuality. So yea, don't get confused between admiration/ deep platonic relationship and love for the same sex in terms of romance.

He also taught us to be gay friendly but to stay strong to the ex-gay stance. We can be friendly to gays but it doesn't mean that we encourage that person being a gay/ leading a gay lifestyle. He also taught us not to reject gays or to mock gays.

Anyway, to learn more about Pastor Edmund's work (it's called the Real Love Ministry) , check out his website www.r-l-m.com
You can also check out this website www.exodus.to

I really found this workshop and the things Pastor Edmund taught very useful. I think now that gays and their lifestyle are beginning to be such a norm, these notes are very useful as awareness to the public. And also hope that a gay can be changed. Though it is not easy and it also depends on whether that person is willing or not. But yea, it is an interesting topic, and an important one too.

Hope you'll find this post useful. Do comment and give your opinions."

Yuki's thoughts: I usually would comment on these kind of posts, but in my heart, it just goes, why bother. I am concerned though in the things Edmund Smith do in so called 'love' here like:
- Brainwashing of young teenagers about lesbians, gays and transsexuals.
- Imposing his own personal life upon people as if everyone is like him.
- Wrong terminologies again, I wonder why Edmund is so stubborn in still presenting transsexuals as people who had their sex change? And transgenders are transsexuals?
- Insisting gays can change, even though it has already been proven otherwise.
- Did not mention anything about APA's position about homosexuality.
- Still presenting 'pro-gays' as influencers of a perpetuated 'gay lifestyle'.
- Self made junk science of 'causes' of homosexuality.
The list is endless.

People should start to question the authority of Edmund Smith, who definitely is miles away from even the will of God with his near demonic lies, from preaching about a topic that he himself knows nothing about or even understand in himself.

It annoys me that Edmund is still deriving terms that are not of science or medical field, but created from his 'experience' (which he thinks gives him the right to change scientific terminologies.). Luckily though, with his recycled 'truths', he is getting staley stagnant. He can never say he is not anti-gay anymore.

Pursuing Liberty Under Christ – Where change is possible. Is it?

2007-12-17T13:57:00.000+08:00

I had recently noticed the more than normal sightings of ex-gay ministries in Malaysia, notably the upgrade of Pursuing Liberty Under Christ (PLUC). Say, hold on, another one? There are actually a few running in Malaysia, and ex-gay ministries are now attacking the South East Asian market in a big way. And again, unwarranted misinformation with the usual claims of ‘change’ that goes without any evidence.

I recently posted an article on Reflectionsasia in regards to their imagination of the homosexual state. As you surf their website, you would find the usual dogmas of the ‘struggling’ homosexual that seems to have no life and no hope perpetuated, that is further amplified with statements of homosexuals having peers who confuse them with comforting ‘gay theology’ or influences into ‘accepting a sinful lifestyle’.

There is always twist of the cause = effect theory with them. For example, I am a transsexual. Being born different than my common self caused me to be distanced from my parents. But however you knock their stubborn heads, they would still insist on twisting this one fact into my parents distance themselves from me; that is why I became different from my common self. Confused yet? That is how ex-gay ministry works.

PLUC repeats the tiring musings of RLM, stating sexual brokenness by parental rejection as a ‘cause’ of homosexuality. Broken masculinity becomes the cause of men into being in love with the same sex. It is so easy to be led astray to their type of shallow thinking, especially when they claim to have God on their side. But how many same sex couples ended up hurt and dehumanized by them? And how many would waste their years in it?

As for ‘change’, sources I got inside RLM had reported that there had been only very few success stories inside, and most of the gays and lesbians brought in swiftly left the group within a few meetings. But newcomers brought in, maintains the group to around 100 people. So they go around in circles with the same courses that runs a few months that are recycled every year. While science is advancing, understanding homosexuals better.

PLUC says ‘many’ have changed. Sure? Give us the identities of the changed ‘many’. Let the public eye or the gay and lesbian community interview these many ‘changed’ homosexuals so we may know it really ‘works’. What are the estimates? Where are the reports that have people from Universiti Malaya or Pantai Medical Centre looking over it, to confirm such event? Of course, excuses will push down results to only a few changes.

Exactly the same results Exodus International are having now. Few changes out of thousands of gays and lesbians walk through their doors. Changes that mean bisexuals that are sticking to the side that is being straight. Changes that mean confused heterosexuals who gone experimenting and realize homosexuality is not them. Or remorsefully, changes that mean homosexuals that choose celibacy. That is all to it.

With more and more former leaders of these ministries coming out to apologize for their organized bigotry motions and misinformation campaigns overseas, it is perhaps only a matter of time that Malaysian versions of these ministries start to confess the grave sins of further marginalizing an already misunderstood community that needs to be reconciled to The Lord, instead of having them defined by the standards ex-gays desire in them.

Yuki's Funnies: Jeff Dunham with Achmed The Dead Terrorist.

2007-12-11T20:48:00.000+08:00

One of the funniest videos I have seen for a long time. It is so funny, many had sent it to me. So probably some of you had watched it. But in case you missed it, here is your chance to redeem yourself. I present to you, with Jeff Dunham, Achmed The Dead Terrorist. Enjoy and take care.

Journey To Thailand (Conclusion: The Journey Home).

2007-12-11T16:45:00.000+08:00

I woke up to the reality that it was the day to get home. I took a short bath and went downstairs for my breakfast. Looking at the menu, it was an easy selection. Go for the Thai meal, it could be years before I may enjoy this again. It was an enjoyable meal, while watching the ‘US Democratic Debate’ on CNN in the hotel lounge. I rushed back to my room, packed up my stuff and checked out of the Wall Street Inn. Prayerfully, I am on my way.

I left an IM message for my boyfriend for help, and with some of the money I had left on me I bought an IDD card. That was it, it was my last chance. I called back frantically to the Maybank centre in Kuala Lumpur, asking them for ways to activate my ATM card. No wonder it was useless here in Thailand. I did not activate the option for overseas withdrawals. I quickly gave my details, and within 40 minutes, my card was active again.

It is now almost noon, and now I got to rush back to the airport. I cannot miss the next flight back to Malaysia. Withdrawing the cash I needed, I jumped into a taxi with yet another non-English speaking driver. Drats! Really. Does anyone speak English around here? I had to do self made sign languages depicting an airplane and use the word Suvarnabhumi to get the driver to understand me, and luckily he goes ‘Oh ya ya!’ ‘A-pot!’. Gosh!

A short trip later, I alighted the taxi and my heart goes, yes! I am back at the Suvarnabhumi Airport! The next step of course is to get a ticket. So which flight shall I take? The logical choice would be the earliest flight, and that was under the Malaysian Airline System. But I am tempted to try Thai Airways. But that would be too late for me, and I just cannot wait to go back. So gleefully, I bought the earliest ticket and checked in for my flight home.

Sitting within the gateway for my flight, I still am at awe of what I had encountered in Thailand. Most of the public toilets, even ones in restaurants, have just bowls without flush tanks. But the washrooms there are so clean, even with the trouble of people flushing it manually. The town of Chonburi and Bangkok city are incredibly clean with hardly a single rubbish to be seen. Even the food tastes healthy. How I wish my own country was like that.

Ok I admit. On the plane, after saying goodbye to Thailand, I am actually starting to miss it. The friendliness, the culture, the nightlife, I am even inspired to learn the Thai language. Thailand is really nothing like Malaysia. Of course all countries would have their pros and cons in living, but I do know I am truly leaving a mystical Asian land, and that someday I am going to return there. But till then; Malaysia, I am coming back.

From a beautiful place to another beautiful land, as the plane lands at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport, there is a surreal feeling that surrounds me. Firstly would be the thought, am I really home after the fright of the night before? Another, the sudden English and Malay conversations people were having. Then of course, I just came back from another country, it really feels like a fantasy, even though it happened just last night.

I withdrawn some money my boy eventually sent me, and I went to the Satellite A duty free shops and bought two cartons of Virginia Slims Lights as the fat lady sings. Then, the trip home on yet another tonto taxi. Great reminder of my adventures. Later that night, I reminiscence my little journey to big Thailand and discuss it with my friends near my apartment. There is no place like home. But for what it is worth, it had been a fabulous journey.

Australia's first openly lesbian minister... and she is from Malaysia....

2007-12-09T00:13:00.000+08:00

From The Star newspaper, Malaysia:

Malaysian-born Penny now Aussie minister

By MUGUNTAN VANAR

KOTA KINABALU: The father of Malaysian-born Penny Wong Ying Yen who has been appointed as a Cabinet minister in Australia is thrilled with his daughter’s political success.

“I am very happy. I hope her appointment will be a blessing for Australia,” said Francis Wong Yit Shing, 66, an architect here.

The 39-year-old Penny, who was born in Sabah but grew up in Australia from the age of eight with her mother, was yesterday named Climate Change and Water Minister by Prime Minister Kevin Rudd whose Labor party won the recent elections.

Penny Wong Yin Yeng
Francis, who described his daughter as a go-getter, said that the portfolio given to his daughter was very “current and important” not only for Australians but for everyone concerned about global warming and climate change.

“I know she is a very responsible person and she will work hard to achieve her objectives,” said Francis, who keeps in touch with his daughter through SMS.

He said he never expected her to become a politician.

“I wanted her to be a doctor and she enrolled for it. A year later she switched to law after going on a student exchange programme to Brazil where she saw the need to help people,” said Francis.

Proud as punch: Francis and Penny keep in touch via SMS and mostly talk about family matters.
On completing her studies, she became involved in unions and industrial court cases in Australia.

Penny became the first Asian-born woman Senator when she won a seat in South Australia in 2002.

Last week’s Australian elections saw her winning a second term with her party toppling John Howard’s government.

Asked if he had ever given his daughter any political advice, Francis said the politics that he knew about was only that of South-East Asia.

“We mostly talk family matters.”

Francis said Penny and her mother left Sabah for Australia in 1977 for Penny’s education while he remained in the state.

Over time, he and his wife separated and Penny took up Australian citizenship.

(Of course, Malaysia being Malaysia, they would definitely delete primary and important facts from their media reporting. But the rest of the world knows, and the LGT community is proud to herald the first openly lesbian minister in Australia. And in Australia under Kevin Rudd, we are happy to announce it:)

Ladies Lead PM Rudd's Top Team

"Ms Wong a South Australian senator, will be Australia's first openly lesbian minister."

More links on Penny Wong below. If Malaysia is not fully proud of you, we are!

Fridae

Sydney Morning Herald

PinkNews

Yuki thoughts: I just find it amazing, my home country can be so prideful about having an ex Malaysian making it so big outside the country, but did not question why this rising star of world politics is not plying her trade here and conveniently help closet her true sexual orientation from fellow Malaysians. What the... (sigh)

(This story is so interesting, in addition relates to my position as a Malaysian in Australia; so I posted it in both here and 'reflectionsasia'. Feel free to comment.)

Journey To Thailand (Part Two: Into The Night).

2007-12-03T17:37:00.000+08:00

This trip to Thailand need not be a nightmare. I checked in at the hotel reservation centre for a room in Bangkok. Okay, I am already stuck here, so while waiting for my boyfriend to rescue me, I might as well go down to the city centre and make the best of a day plan gone awry into a short one night holiday. After booking my stay in a Wall Street Inn off Silom Road, off I went to Bangkok on another taxi with a driver that knows no English.

It was when I reached the city centre that I realized how big Bangkok was. Huge! It was at the least 3 to 4 times bigger than Kuala Lumpur. Even after reaching the city, it took a long while to reach the hotel. Silom road is one place I had wanted to go for sometime, because I heard most of my transsexual sisters are there. I am curious to find out their living conditions in comparison to the sisters in Malaysia. Has it changed or improved?

I arrived at the hotel and after checking into my room, I found that my room was really small and comes without a bathtub. In my frustration I still try to cheer myself up. Thailand programmes were incomprehensive because there are no English subtitles. There are also hardly any channels to watch. I took a short bath and calculated the money I have. After everything is set, here I go into the most happening street in Bangkok.

With ATM card not working here in Bangkok and barely enough to go back to the airport in the morning, it became a very budgeted walk. I have barely 1000 thai baht in my budget this night, because I needed to reserve some 500 thai baht for any emergency. I asked around the crowd where I can meet my transsexual sisters, and it was then I was led to a night market just around the corner with tons and tons of pubs and clubs around.

I went inside one called ‘Super Pussy’. It sounds daring enough, but got a shock of my life when I am surrounded by at least two handfuls of nude girls, all expecting tips. The drinks were ridiculously priced at RM 300 bahts for a small glass of coke! And I have to give extra charges for just watching the nude show. So I quickly dashed out, not before I realized a naked girl on stage was opening a beer bottle with her pussy! Ouch!

I dashed to another place called ‘Pink Panther’. It is probably the more boring of the pubs I visited that night, but the drinks were quite cheap for a pub, at only 110 baht for a bottle of Heineken. There were three girls dancing on the pole, dressed sexy but still considered fully clothed. This would be a nice place to drink if the songs they played were better. Gosh, really missed the song Shiny Disco Ball. Is there someplace good to go to?

Well, it is within much deeper into the market place called ‘Tiger’. It is a mixed of biological girls and transsexual girls, lots of them, dancing in supremely skimpy bikinis to the point they were almost naked. Beer was incredibly cheap at only 100 baht. It also appeared to me a system there where the girls were numbered. Once a customer chooses the number, a customer would give a tip for the girls company, or bring them home.

I spoke to one of the transsexual sisters there, and from it I gathered that in order to live better, there is not much choice but sex work, especially when opportunities were few and far between. But she does harbour hopes one day she can have a better life. I decided to walk back to my hotel as it was getting late and I need to prepare to get home a day after. I breathed a silent prayer for my sisters in Thailand, and for a better tomorrow for all.

Journey To Thailand (Part One: The Big Rush).

2007-12-01T19:46:00.000+08:00

In the middle of this month, I took a trip up north to Thailand, on a mission to see Dr Suporn Watanyusakul, a famed Sex Reassignment Surgeon in Chonburi. Chonburi is a cute little town around 50 kilometers from Bangkok. I did not pack up anything and just carried my handbag with my important documents as I was planning to come back in the evening. So I boarded an early afternoon flight on check in at 1.30pm on Air Asia.

When I arrived at the LCC Terminal near KLIA, my knees went into constant shiver as I realize the prospect of getting into my first flight for ages. I have a fear of being on an air plane, and am unsure of what started this phobia of being subjected to the risk of a plane crashing into furious flames or the window of the and sucking me out to a fall of 30 over thousand feet into my certain death. Worse come to worse, at least I will be dead fast.

Nevertheless, I decided to sum up all the courage I had to get on the plane and claim all the convulsions in my stomach as the plane takes off. I tried to relax my mind thinking of that old song ‘One Night In Bangkok’, and appease myself with the meal I bought on the air plane. Air Asia is not as cheap as I thought, after adding the airport tax and everything it comes out to a near RM 900 bill, so I might as well enjoy my flight as much as I can.

I reached the Suvarnabhumi Airport around 3.30pm Bangkok time. With my legs still in jello style and my heart still pumping over the horrendous experience, I managed to get out to the immigration and arrival hall with no problems. I caught a taxi which ended up being an illegal tonto taxi, so as I am running short of time, I decided to take it anyway even though they charged me an awesome and ridiculous 2000 baht for it.

The travel was alarming. All the signboards have tiny little English words in comparison to the large Thai words. I do not even know whether I am going the right way, especially when the taxi driver, a nice lady anyway, does not utter any English and only a weeny bit of Mandarin. But the lady understood where is Chonburi, and as the clinic was located right in the main road of the town we managed to find it. And a classy clinic it is indeed.

The nice lady taxi driver offered to wait around for me, so I decided to stick to this driver and head through the clinic doors. There I was greeted by the usual calls of ‘Sawadeeka’ and was brought to the doctor’s clinic. I have to speak very slowly to get him and his wife (presumably) to understand what I wanted and needed. But I was pleased when he told me I have enough tissues to create the best results possible for my upcoming SRS.

I saw the samples and it was amazing. I got all the information I need and bade farewell to the Dr Suporn and his staff. After a quick dinner, I quickly attempted to rush back to the airport with the help of the nice lady, who eventually charged me only 1500 baht for the way back. Unfortunately, we run into some road works that caused an incredible jam on the Bangkok Chonburi highway. I ran into the risk of missing my flight.

I reached the airport but it was too late. The Air Asia counter refused to check me in even though I arrived five minutes before the check in closes, claiming their gate is too far and would close before me getting there. I burst into tears and anger as I am looking at the notice board and discovered my flight was still on check in and then boarding. That was it. I am never taking an Air Asia flight again. In gloom, I look at the prospects I have, as I am stranded in Bangkok.

Announcement: Yuki's discovery.

2007-11-30T16:55:00.000+08:00

No, I have not disappeared from the sight of cyberspace. Neither have I given up on my mission to counter voice the torrid misinformation and miseducation of ex-gay ministries. And I still have a lifetime to share about the ridiculous circumstances I go through in my life and the variety of environments I am going to find myself in.

I just had been real busy with my affairs in regards to my impending move, going to and fro the immigration departments to rush in my documents, bidding farewell to as much friends as possible, settling everything I can, and preparing myself for the next stage of my journey.

In fact, I am done, and I am now typing from my fiance's labtop some thousands of miles away from my home country. Yes, I am now in the absolute humid town of Darwin, at the North Territory in Australia. I am still alive. Also, I thank a number of readers that had been checking up on me. Reflections Asia and The Journey Of Yuki is still very much at your reading pleasure.

It is confirmed. Being homosexual is worse than being black or women (according to the Anglican Church).

2007-11-05T14:34:00.000+08:00

This is one of the most jurassic, outdated and mindless set of statements I had ever read in any news in regards to sexual orientation.

http://www.dailyexpress.com.my/news.cfm?NewsID=53640

Bishops in the Anglican Church are strongly against the ordination of homosexuals in the Anglican Communion across the world, said Jill Southern, 65, from the Ellel Ministries in the United Kingdom.

Gee, I wonder why.

She said the scenario of gay pastors in same sex marriage is unusual and has caused a lot of problems.

Problems borne of self creation caused by ignorance and bigotry? So just who's problem is it? The homosexuals... or this prejudicial lady?....

"It is God's view that homosexuals should not be ordained as priests or pastors in any country because their sin separates them from God. "

I hereby challenge this old woman to state out the verse that says "homosexuals should not be ordained as priests or pastors in any country" or in any similar meaning. If she succeeds, I shall pretend to be a boy for the rest of my life. If she fails, she is to shut the fukk up because God clearly stated in the Bible (1 Timothy 2: 11 - 14).

However, the Church does not really know quite how to handle the situation.

Of course! Only churches are dumb enough to send homosexuals to ex-gay ministries!

"It is a big, hot potato in the Anglican Church. Bishops in Africa, for example, are strongly against the ordination of homosexuals," she told Daily Express. Southern said homosexuality is contrary to God's order and a sexual sin because it is rebellion against God and brings guilt and shame.

Contrary to God's order? Can you please send all the people born deformed, disabled or born without some organs to be condemned then, because all of them are surely not God's order too. The guilt and shame do not come from God my darling Jill. It comes from being imposed by ugly women like you who do not even follow God's commandment for you to shut up.

"God makes males and females, not homosexuals. Homosexuality is one form of ungodly sex like lesbianism. When we engage in ungodly sex, we are enjoining our spirit to the demonic spirit behind it, and this destroys our lives.

You cannot differentiate gender identity with sexual orientation. But you even went on to separate homosexuality and lesbianism? Gosh, from which college this lady came from, I darn am not going to recommend it! Homosexual sex as demonic? As demonic as the statements you are presenting now Missy Jill?

"Ungodly sex allows our spirit to be penetrated by the demonic power behind the ungodly act. In fact, homosexuality is self-destructive behaviour."

Actually I had not seen homosexuals self destruct. The conquer and destroy button still very much in the possession of jurassic mental disorder patients like you.

Other forms of ungodly sex are premarital sex, incest, adultery, oral sex, sodomy, masturbation, bestiality (sex with animals), trans-sexuality, masochistic and sadistic sex, bondage sex, cyber sex, voyeurism and paedophilia.

It is so easy to lump the innocents together with the defiled in your convenient thinking, right? It is also supremely shallow, especially when each of it represents different things. Gosh, I can just lump this Anglican with Mormons and call it a cult.

She was one of three key speakers from the UK and Australia to disseminate information at the two-day Seminar on Godly Sex & Sexuality.

God Bless The Attendees.

It was organised by All Saints' Cathedral in association with Ellel Ministries International (In East Asia) at the cathedral.

God Bless The Attendees From Malaysia.

Southern, who is Director of a Bible Training School run by Ellel Ministries in Pierrepont near London, however, said we can empathise with homosexuals but we are not here to judge them.

Yes. You are not judging homosexuals. You are just throwing stones and hide your hands, saying, I did not do it.

"While we don't condemn homosexuals in the eyes of God, we should also not ordain them either. We are here to say that homosexual activity is wrong and the gateway to healing for the homosexual is repentance.

Healing? I think you and your cohorts needs some serious healing not only of unsound minds and judgemental hearts, but also from heterosexual supremacist practises and behaviours.

"And if they don't recognise it as sin, they are not going to repent it."

Because it is not a sin. Do you study? Have you ever talked to homosexuals? Or you are contented on taking information from ministry by a confused hetero like RLM? Then you can have me give you tips about how to be a boy. I should know! I am an ex-boy!

According to her, there are many ex-gays today and one such is David Kyle Foster, a former homosexual prostitute in America who had over a thousand sexual "men" relationships.

Yeah. But you also forgot to mention a lot of ex-gays ended up getting married back to their partners by their core orientation. Also how a lot of ex-gays still secretly look for boys, like Ted Haggard. Or are you afraid to mention also on how many ex-gays eventually became ex-ex-gays (www.beyondexgay.com). They find healing from leaving such organized discrimination and control freaks like you.

"And God partly saved him. He repented and came for salvation. We believe God forgave him. He stopped the activity completely. He now tours the country talking to homosexuals and telling them about how they can be freed from this ungodly sex."

How to be freed? Or how to condemn themselves to surpress who they are? This man had better not be another confused hetero, or he also is going to get a mouthful from me for his misrepresentation. Anyhow, both of you. Give us equality, then mind your own business and leave us alone.

Southern, who has also authored books on Godly Sex, stressed that the "enemy" has deceived homosexuals into thinking that their activity is a sexual orientation, adding that a person's sexuality is determined by the genitalia, not his or her orientation.

The 'homosexualily do not exist' crap again? Yikes! Just how narrow minded is that! Sexuality determined by genitalia? Crikey! I got a friend who lost both his testicles and penis due to cancer recently... so he is female now and cannot get married to girls?! How OH-full....

"They are deceived and think God allows gay sex and gay marriages. A homosexual tends to believe that he is born a homosexual. I don't believe that is true. It's a lie to say you are born homosexual. It is usually a result of homosexual abuse in very early childhood when they were wrongly touched but there are other possible causes such as gender confusion and rejection by a peer group as a 'weakling'."

The 'homosexuals becoming homosexuals ' crap? So does that mean those heterosexual childred who are sexually abused in childhood are 100% bound to be homosexuals? Can you please prove that? Gender confusion? My gay friends refuse to sleep with me because I am wearing a skirt. Just how 'gender confused' are they, lady? They are deceived? Excuse me, but since you are now straight, what right have you to assume?!

It was also possible that the ungodly soul-tie with the person who wrongly touched them has become a spirit of homosexuality which now occupies them (homosexuals), she added.

Demon possession? Surely I would like the homosexual spirit, because of the Christian homosexuals I know, they show all the fruits of the spirit. But I only see people like you bearing bad fruits from your tree, darling. And I am sure, non of it is from God.

"So this spirit of homosexuality has an appetite for homosexual acts, and is using your body for its own appetite. When a homosexual person confesses and repents the sin, we can tell the spirit to leave and the homosexual desire will also go," said Southern, who has ministered into the lives of homosexuals in her country, many of whom have turned over a new leaf.

Yes, and perhaps if you repent from such judgemental heart and mindless thoughts, the spirit of heterosexuality will flee from you too.

Earlier, in her presentation, she said godly sex is sex within a covenant marriage with God's blessing and God teaches us to say "No" to ungodly sex and worldly passions.

So are you asking everyone to be celibate now?

"God created us as sexual creatures being male and female, and wants. Sex was originally God's idea. We consummate a biblical marriage. In God's perfect plan for Mankind, sex is spiritual and sex is worship of God. But sex without a marriage covenant is a curse.

That is why homosexuals want to settle down with their partners in marriage. Duh. And the male n female talk again? I pity those who are born intersexed, those females without ovaries and males who lost their testicles then. They lost God's image. So sad. That is what you are implying, is it lady?

"During sexual intercourse, two people become one as God intended. There is an intermingling of spirit, soul and body in the sexual act. Sex is therefore spiritual.

I could not agree with you more. It can be spiritual when you stop condemning consensual sexual relationships between two sane adult men.

Likewise, sex in marriage is worship where the spirit is nurtured, strengthened and built up in mutual comfort, intimacy, love and encouragement," she added.

Goodness! So you are encouraging spouse rape and non-consensual sex in marriage? How low is that? I wonder how would those couples by planned marriages feel about it.

Yuki's thoughts: Yuki has too may thoughts about this Jill Southern's pure bigoted thoughts that she is having a thoughts overload.

The Sisters.

2007-11-03T17:32:00.001+08:00

We are doing ourselves no favours. Yes, I may always give my heartfelt love to those of us who struggle in our daily lives, to those of us who have commited suicide because of the rejection we all face daily. But I cannot help to think what if, just what if we had actually aggravated our own situations with our own doings. In our lives contantly living under the norm prejudices, have we ever thought that maybe it is we ourselves contributing to the lost of respect for our sisters?

A lot of my friends are so surprised with me when they started to know me as a transsexual female. They even told me how they cannot stand the others, and were surprised that I was not one of 'them'. I ask them for their thoughts, and I got really a heavy mouthful of condemnations. It seems that the rest of them trans sisters of mine do not behave in any likeness of a female, let alone a good human being or a sane creature. In fact, I share some of their feelings.

Seriously, I had come out of the closet again, and lived as who I am for the past two years. But I barely seen any real transsexuals. There may be some, but it seems that I am surrounded by mostly transvestites who consider themselves transsexuals just because they dared to operate and grow breasts, and some crossdressers who wants to pass as women to the extent of surgery. In fact, I identified most transsexuals actually exist overseas than here in Malaysia.

All of these transvestites in transsexuals clothing almost have the same habits. They want to become beautiful women. They are desperate to pass as as a girl. If they are really transsexuals, they would have no needs whatsoever to do so. Because they already know they are women as I know. In fact, I have a lot of my 'sisters' encouraging me to wear make up as to look like a girl more. See, that is the problem. I do not find the need to wear make up as to 'pass as a girl'.

I also do not see the whacky idea of smuggling tons of estrogen pills from Thailand and overdosing yourself with it to hell as necessary. On a contrary, it is dangerous. I do not see any trans sisters I know doing so except here in Malaysia. Here the culture for the sisters is to be the best, to be famous, to be the most prettiest as possible. But to do so with the extremes like hormones overloads? Botox and Collegen injections every month? Goodness, is being even more beautiful than normal girls the only objective in life for transsexual females, and in the event, even sacrificing health and long term grace of growth?

With the constant overfixation to appear as a wannabe beautiful girl, this is where the problems occur that scar our own faces from getting our due understanding and empathy from the society. A society that is already having problems separating the good girls and the bad girls, the transvestites and the transsexuals. Yet these 'sisters' crave for all the wrong things. This also causes the crave for money. It makes the world go round and it is needed for all the surgeries, operations and treatments needed for a transsexual. That is the birth of materialism in their hearts. Some to the extent of cheating tons of cash from friends.

Besides the obvious money cheating, and some who have the totally unnecessary need for prostitution, trying to seduce men is top of the list. It annoys not only my friends who are straight, but also me when I see transsexual wannabe transvestites or true sisters behaving like they are princess high and mighty, trying to pick up men. They think they are so darn attractive, behaving as if they are even better than girls. They think all men would be wooed by them, which is foolish considering most of these men would puke at their slimy attitude.

These 'sisters' try to walk as if they are afraid of breaking their heels, and avoid their hands doing even slightly tougher things to not risk breaking a fingernail. Even some who are working in pubs and shopping complexes, overdress in comparison to their female counterparts. They are more concerned with looking super good and to get a man good looking enough to display their ego-inflation than just being a normal living girl. In the end, their actions and lives are plastic, and dishonesty replaces the honour of just being a female.

I am sorry, but I do not wish to wear this rubbish. Society already confused transsexuals with transvestites. When some of these transsexuals and transvestites are hormone fukked in their brains by self overdosage into a constant craving for sex and beauty, their lifestyle would have the society equating these 'sisters' to me. And I, and many others am supposedly on a mission of education. They are destroying themselves and the very hands who are advocating for them. Yes, the society discriminates and most religious hypocrates are bigots. But are we must think, are some of us under the transgender umbrella adding the world's insecurities and sensitivities?

The woman's rights are not won by drugs. They are won by woman who worked twice as hard as men. Blacks got that rights by showing they are just as capable as their white counterparts in any fields. Transsexual rights would never be won by the constant potrayals by our transvestite counterparts as men pretending to be women, and the image of transsexuals as women with lose morals. Some lifestyles we live would only contribute to stubborn stereotypes most people have on us. Some of what we do as a minority, would affect others in the community.

To those who have choices, please live on the good options. Our fate may just swing to our favour, but it is in your hands. Remember that our futures rely on what choices we make. The better choices we make today, the better our tomorrows may be. Let us prove ourselves worthy of equality and respect. Earn friends on the right manner. And show to society we are not the freaks they think we are, but beautiful part of a diversed creation of God. It is time to grow up.

Real Rude Awakening: Edmund Smith's Definitions.

2007-10-23T23:47:00.000+08:00

Before I start, I would like to point out two things that is mentioned in part of the mission statement from Real Love Ministry.

http://www.r-l-m.com/About%20Us1.htm

RLM is a non-profit, voluntary and charitable organization that works closely with the marginalized community, such as the illiterate, the mentally challenged, the deaf, people with AIDS (PwA) and the homosexual community.

The ultimate goal of RLM is to bring ‘real love’ or unconditional love into the lives of others. Love is real IF love is the element that motivates an individual into doing something good for someone else. In other words … it is always about WHY we do it - more than WHAT we do.

I am tired and happy. I just had a nice chat with my boy, and going to go back and sleep. Then, as a stroke of luck, I run into this in the Real Love Ministry website (http://www.r-l-m.com/definitions%20of%20words.htm). I know they are not going to change their unresearched misinformation campaign, but just in case they come to their senses and attempt eliminate the evidence of their uneducated presentation, I copied and pasted the page below:

I would not dwell too much on what he defines on gays, but I am sure they would highly disagree with some of the pure stereotypical picture painting like this:

"Pro-gay:
Believes in the rights of living a homosexual lifestyle."

It is amazing how things like 'people wanting to end job discrimination based on sexual orientation' is not mentioned, and instead he paints the picture that these are just a bunch of people fighting to condone a 'lifestyle'. I am also certain the word 'lifestyle' is an insult by itself.

Edmund eats. They eat. Edmund sings. They sing. Heck, I am going to say this straight on the face. Edmund is married. They cannot. They want to have the opportunity to do so. That makes them pro-gay. And to Edmund, being gay is nothing but a life of lust, hence the use of the word lifestyle, which I really sincerely doubt.

In fact, with such depiction of reflection of sexual lust into his own gayness, it really starts to confirm the fact that the man was never gay, and really just a confused heterosexual who went into anal sex for 14 years of his life. I have seen gay men who do not like sex. So where is the 'lifestyle' is he talking about?

And surely, I would concentrate on more of his utter confused position in relations to me and my sisters:

"Transgender:
One whose psychological gender is opposite to his/her biological gender"

"Transsexual:
A person who have had a sex change"

"Transvestite:
A person who dresses us as the opposite gender as a lifestyle"

Is something wrong with him? Is it his English? Or his simple mind creating another set of stereotypical definitions? I shudder to think this moment; a person calls me a transvestite, I ask him who says so, and he would utter, Edmund Smith!

The correct definitions are these:

Transgender (TG):
A term used to include transsexuals, transgenderists and transvestites/ Crossdressers.

Transsexual (TS):
A person who feels a consistent and overwhelming desire to transition and fulfill their lives as members of the opposite gender. These individuals have usually been diagnosed as such, by a psychologist or psychiatrist as having GID. Most transsexuals actively desire and complete Sexual-Reassignment Surgery. Transsexuals live or are in the process of living full time as the opposite gender, whether non, pre or post-op.

Transvestite (TV):
The Latin and clinical name for "Crossdresser". A person who dresses in the clothing of the opposite sex for fetishistic reasons and has no desire to transition.

Can we see the obvious differences?

I am a pre-op transsexual female, but to Edmund's logic, he is calling me, and millions of us worldwide, the word used to represent a group of men who have no desire to correct our physical gender with our internal gender, and just cross dress as a fetish lifestyle. He might as well directly insult all of us by calling us men!

He goes on to even contradict himself by his definition the umbrella terms transgender, that includes all of us that live within or without our gender roles, as if all transgenders are born transsexuals!

It also shows Edmund is a very lazy boy. All he could do was just google the words 'transgender definitions', and all the listings, even from Wikipedia, would give the accurate definitions to be presented in proper. But no! He had to cock up all these things out from his limited knowledge.

And in doing so, he that claims to help the 'marginalized' community would not be helping the most marginalized community in Malaysia, we the transsexuals; and there is no real unconditional love from him that is enough for him to just do a simple research that takes barely 15 minutes. It is just 3 words for goodness sake! Yet such glaring mistakes in meanings!

Let us read now the mission statements from them again:

RLM is a non-profit, voluntary and charitable organization that works closely with the marginalized community, such as the illiterate, the mentally challenged, the deaf, people with AIDS (PwA) and the homosexual community.

The ultimate goal of RLM is to bring ‘real love’ or unconditional love into the lives of others. Love is real IF love is the element that motivates an individual into doing something good for someone else. In other words … it is always about WHY we do it - more than WHAT we do.

So WHY are they (Edmund) doing this total garbage story telling? God knows and He will judge.

Unhealthy Heterosexual Lifestyle: Pastor Ho Yeow Sun Makes Asian Sexy Good In The US.

2007-10-10T03:09:00.000+08:00

Ah yes! The super sexy heterosexual lifestyle is so good and ever ready to be flaunted, even by a former pastor who is now a 37-year old hip swinging sensation!

This self proclaimed 'geisha' was a former pastor of City Harvest Church, Singapore (which she later vehemently denied, even though most Singaporeans seemed to have warmed up to her as a the 'singing pastor'. Yes dears, being heterosexual and flaunting it with your butt gives you a license to lie).

She and her husband, Reverend Dr Kong Hee, built an empire of a church:
http://www.mingalaronline.net/story/south_east_asia_intelectuals/kong_kee.htm

Still, she is a hot heterosexual Christian cookie as she hollered out with a Asian Beyonce twist on da floor. And she even wants to get more sexier!

Better yet... City Harvest Church is promoting her name and albums!....
http://fat4.xblogger.net/index.php/2006/12/21/church-going-door-to-door-to-solicit-donations/
http://www.religionnewsblog.com/2017/i-have-done-nothing-wrong

This is the video link. Gosh! I am speechless! I wish I could pull off those moves!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twxf2LraoEE&mode=related&search=

Here are some biography listings about her:
http://www.123exp-biographies.com/t/0003996323/

An interview with her with more of her pics is available at the next link. With these kinds of responses from her here, it is really difficult to believe she was once a shepard of a flock of tenths of thousands of members!
http://www.pr.com/article/1053

You see, heterosexuals are the superior sexual orientation (as proclaimed by Christians), so when nice homosexuals hold hands, it is a no no. But when you are a Christian and trained in a Bible college, you can revel in your hetero-SEXUALITY! It is a passport to sexiness freedom!

Yuki's choice reading:

These are the selection of reactions about Pastor Sun Ho @ Pastor Ho Yeow Sun from several blogsites in Singapore. We all can agree one thing. She is a bad example to young Christians, a hell of a worldly Christian and a shame to Christianity the religion.

But who cares, when you are living a heterosexual lifestyle!

http://kababoom.blogspot.com/2003/10/bought-new-paper-todayas-i-always.html
http://kababoom.blogspot.com/2003/10/bought-new-paper-todayas-i-always.html

http://deathisthyname.blogspot.com/2007/09/china-wine-sun-ho-of-city-harvest.html
http://christofyew.blogspot.com/2007/09/sun-ho-hypocrite.html

Yuki's Funnies: The Ex-Gay Reparative Therapy.

2007-10-10T00:58:00.000+08:00

Do you know what the ex-gay lifestyle is like? Parroting comedy is one of them. Here is one fine example. This is real, and really funny! Courtesy of http://panasonicyouth.buzznet.com. (http://panasonicyouth.buzznet.com/user/video/play/189010/)

Starring- Richard Cohen (from NARTH and PFOX)

From The Daily Show:

I wonder, is this what paranoid parents are subjecting their children to? Please!

Yuki's thoughts: With all the talk about what causes homosexuals, I wonder what causes ex-gays.

I believe it is:

The self issue- No self acceptance or letting external sources define one's self.
The vacuum issue- Society's discrimination, hatred, intolerace, prejudice and stigma.
The barrier issue - Confused heterosexuals or bisexuals who do not know who they are.

The Journey.

2007-10-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

Many who have followed my blog here would realise I have not been posting as regularly as I did previously. That is because, incredible and surprising developments had surfaced into my life, and with it; faith, hope and love. The kind that we always read about in 1 Corinthians 13. I believe I have found my life partner, a person to be with, to love and to be loved, that I had been seeking for so long.

It came at a time I had been tired of relationships, one by one it seems to crumble before me. And not men one can win my heart. Not one that would make me a better girl, all of them only left me with more bruises, pains and scars in my heart and my mind, so deep than anyone can possibly imagine. But that is in the past. Now, at every dawn I wake up too, somewhere out there, my true love is waiting. My true reflection. My refining fire and soothing ice to my aching heart and tormented soul.

I may have finally found someone to share my life with. Not that I would stop what I am doing though, but I am quite tied up with some silent goodbyes, returning people's loans, settling with banks and service providers, planning for medical check-up, going back to my hometown Ipoh, then to Thailand, then to Singapore etc etc... phew. A lot of stuff to plan and execute for the next one and a half months. And all provided for me by a sensitive, charming man. Yes, the Lord had provided me with a man.

I would probably be back to the average one post every two days which is my commitment here in this blogsite by December, a time I would be in a new place for two months with him, seeking to know more about this man, confirming my weary soul, washing away my deepest fears. And in Reflections Asia, I am waiting for one or two more authors for the site to get it alive and kicking. And he would be my partner and I am his, in combining our worlds together, advocating on behalf of our LGT brothers and sisters.

I am still trying to finish part two of 'When The Real Love Ministry Is Confused', and part three of 'The Bible Says So', for both blog sites. By the hits I have been getting for both topics, I believe everyone all around the world are ready for more. And where am I going? I do not wish to be secretive about it, but everytime I set my hopes it always seems to fall. So this time, I am keeping a silent hope. At every juncture, I will unveal something here. If everything goes well, there would be surprises for everyone, my parents, my TS sisters, my friends... and even Edmund Smith!

Nope. There had been a misunderstanding there, I had never been Edmund Smith's adversary, even though people commended me being one. I still owe a lot to him for further convicting and affirming me by his anti-transgender musings. In his negatives, I have found my positives. I wonder if he realise the impact he made in my life, so much so that I became an advocate for the LGT community.

In other words, if I had not met Edmund Smith, I would not have known about the dark world of the ex-gays and the musings of ex-gay ministries that is discriminative and prejudicial against transsexuals like me, the mind manipulation on churches by these biased ministries to incite hate and intolerance against homosexuals, and the use of political means by these groups to surpress the LGTs, even in Malaysia and Singapore. If I had not met him, there would not be a Yuki who would eventually be a counter voice. And stronger and stronger a counter voice I am becoming. So I am really grateful and thankful for him.

I will always be around here. Unless something drastic happens to me of course. But god willing, this blog will be the channel in which I will share my life in the coming years. But with all the mostly moody and sad posts, it is my hope that in the future, I can post positive and delightful happenings in my life, and also of the community around me. As I partake in these small and meaningful steps, and steps that may eventually lead me finally to a true direction in my life, someone awaits for me. And something tells me, this time, it is for real. YukiChoe, now has a boyfriend. She now belongs to someone. Let us see where Yuki lands on and ends up next.

Girls Like Us, Remembering Gwen Amber Rose Araujo.

2007-10-04T14:29:00.000+08:00

We both like Gwen Stefani. We both like to party and have a love for the nightlife. We both have a zeal to live. We both are transsexual females. The difference? I am in my 30s and still surviving. Gwen Amber Rose Araujo, at the tender age of 17 was brutally murdered by four men who discovered she was a transsexual. If she was living today, she would be 22 and probably would have undergone her SRS. She was attractive and full of a youthful outlook in life. Yesterday marks the 5th year of her passing.

She does not deserve to die. I could be killed and tossed somewhere in the intolerant and narrow minded city of Kuala Lumpur, which revels in jurassic mentality, and no one would care, not even my parents. It would be common. But she hails from a tolerant culture full of diversity of San Fransisco Bay Area's friendly neighbourhood, where everyone cares for one another and she has strong emotional support from her family and some friends, in a country known for a strong democracy, giving that wee bit of breathing space for girls like us. It seems like a nightmare. It just cannot happen but it did. If there is one transsexual female that could have made it in life it is her. No, she does not deserve what happened to her.

That very night five years ago, was a girl. She was ready to rock the town. Eager to party. As any young girl would. We see the girl in Gwen, on fire and living with passion. She was never a boy. A car with a group of men stopped by and ask her if she wants a ride. She says she wants to party. It was a girl responding to a bunch of creeps wanting to take advantage. She already is in a some sexual relationship with some of them. They were all friends.

It takes one jealous girl to vent her frustrations of being less pretty than Gwen. The girl was believed to have forcefully checked on Gwen's genitals. The girl opened her big mouth in front of the four men about Gwen, and then it began; the horrific death sentence executed by these four men. For a good five hour plus, in a supreme moronic merciless act, Gwen Araujo was kicked, punched, hit by hard objects (frying pans, barbells, cans), beaten, knocked, kneed to the wall, strangled and stoned. She was literally tortured in those 5 hours. She died. After that, her body was tied up and was disrespectfully buried. It was then discovered a few weeks later.

The four dirty scumbags was then arrested. Everyone was in the state of shock. They just could not believe this kind of thing can happen in their neighbourhood. Interesting events then followed. The four men argued that Gwen deceived them, and their lawyer cited gay panic in defense. The ridiculous Reverend Fred Phelps led a group of 'Christians' to Gwen Araujo's family's house, mocking her and her family, claiming Gwen is going to hell and blaspheming all around Bay Area, annoying San Fransisco onlookers. Gwen's mother Sylvia Guerrero, had become an transgender activist, in order to make sure what happened to her dearest rose, never happens again. And Gwen was finally able to change her name from the male sounding Eddie, to the sweet Gwen.

What happened 5 years ago, brought up the good and bad in people. The sight of Sylvia Guerrero expressing her love for her daughter. The group Christians led by Fred Phelps claiming 'God's hatred is good.'. But at the most, transsexuals were affected. It was a wake up call to everyone, even to parents; such thing could happen to their own children. It is not funny anymore. No one would know what is in the minds of the four who killed her. But the common logic sense prevails, she does not deserve even the torture, let alone death. Nobody sane would wish this to happen.

There are also lessons for me to learn too. That no one knows what is going to happen tomorrow. However, we can be prepared for it. But we must be prepared to ensure that such intolerance be smoothen by correct information and education. The narrower the mind, the bigger the fear. People always are afraid of things they do not understand, and ignorance becomes the stance in them. Perhaps if people would just open up their eyes and see girls like us as who we are, then we would probably be given the room to contribute to life. In the end, we are girls. And Gwen will be Gwen.

Yuki's choice reading:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gwen_Araujo
http://www.ncavp.org/media/MediaReleaseDetail.aspx?p=1005&d=1037
http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1543952
http://www.transgenderlawcenter.org/gwen/index.html
http://www.techsoup.org/learningcenter/internet/page5076.cfm

Adhominems.

2007-09-30T17:30:00.000+08:00

"This is an extremely primitive and paranoid culture." (James T. Kirk on 20th century America, Star Trek IV)

Those who follow my journeys would have read the amazing clash of heterosexuality vs homosexuality on Christianity with Scott Thong.

I have also been having some conversations with the people at the Agora, especially on this old topic.

http://theagora.blogspot.com/2006/10/so-whats-wrong-with-homosexuality_31.html

There are another three posts I commented on their blogs posted on 17th and 18th of August 2007 regards to homosexuality.

After several months of trying to get the brothers and sisters on both sides with me to a neutral ground, it seems the group from the side of pro-straight lifestyle (I never like labels, but I decided to use them anyway as they seem to find pleasure in still stubbornly calling us pro-gay lifestyles) in Malaysia would never want to come to that stage.

I have been accused of ad hominem attacks again, even though I have substantiated what I commented with cold hard and NEUTRAL facts, while they still continuously take sources that are from reparative therapy centres / transformational ministries and Christian sources, which is obviously already biased towards anti-homosexuality. Furthermore, as most who researched on ex-gay ministries and NARTH already know, their 'researches' are never peer reviewed.

Ad hominem - dKosopedia
In practical terms, an ad hominem means to reply to an argument by attacking the arguer's personality or credibility without citing facts.

To defend their pro-straight lifestyles they cited these:
About NARTH:
http://www.narth.com/

"In 1999, the Medical Institute of Sexual Health reported that, "Homosexual men are at significantly increased risk of HIV/AIDS, hepatitis, anal cancer, gonorrhea and gastrointestinal infections as a result of their sexual practices."
http://www.narth.com/docs/dean.html

One Christian blogger:
http://thebookofshadow.blogspot.com/2006/02/blood-caf-and-whether-homosexuality-is.html
http://thebookofshadow.blogspot.com/2006/02/beyond-proof-texts-sex-gods-sex-manual.html
http://thebookofshadow.blogspot.com/2006/02/turquoise-room-mardi-gras-shrove.html
http://thebookofshadow.blogspot.com/2006/02/homosexuality-repentance-change-and.html

About homosexuality bringing the end of evolution:
http://scottthong.wordpress.com/2007/08/20/heredity-chart-evolutionary-dead-end-of-pure-homosexual-preference/

About disease claims,
www.medinstitute.org/ *(this organization is an affiliation of Narth)

To their credit, these sites are only biased by interpretation, but it is sad that they interpret here the cause of STI's to homosexuality, instead of risky sexual behaviour (no condom use, promiscuous sex life that also applies to heterosexuals).
http://www.ajtmh.org/cgi/content/abstract/33/4/737-a
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/msm/resources/factsheets/msm.htm

I substantiated my counter voice with this:

About NARTH:
http://www.publiceye.org/equality/x-gay/X-Gay-04.html.
http://www.usareligiousnews.com/newsArticle.php?ID=1202
http://www.counterbias.com/478.html

About homosexuality bringing the end of evolution:
http://www.overpopulation.org/

About disease claims:
*A look down this site here would confirm www.medinstitute.org/ is still under the Christian umbrealla wing. Look at 'Homosexuality' and 'Sexuality'.
http://www.afajournal.org/2006/june/0606web.html

http://www.epigee.org/guide/stds.html.
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/women/resources/factsheets/wsw.htm

While all of my sources are glaringly and mostly NEUTRAL throughout all, they have failed to supply more sources that are NOT of NARTH and NOT of Christian background.

I argued the credibility of NARTH with UNDENIABLE neutral facts but they keep pouring in information from NARTH.

I argued that STIs DO NOT come from homosexuality, but they INSIST that homosexuals are at a higher risk group for STIs.

And this is what they think of me:
(yuki has only been content with adhominems against one organisation, without dealing substantially with their findings, nor interacting with others who also have similar findings)

Another blogger would also probably felt what I felt when you read these comments regarding what me and the Agora was discussing.

"jemufo said...
like Yuki pointed out, hetero sex exposes people to the same STDs that gay sex does. in any case, the argument that homosexuality is wrong because it has these consequences, is a silly one. by your logic, lesbian sex is the way to go, because lesbian sex puts people at least risk of STDs. hetero sex is more risky than sex between two women.(not that I have any problems with lesbian sex. :p)

1:51 AM
Dave Chang said...
Jemufo, I believe u have missed the point here. The silly argument was actually advanced by PRO-gay lifestyle folks that since it hurts nobody, then it's morally acceptable. But, from both NARTH and *Non-Narth* research, they do have medical consequences. (yuki has only been content with adhominems against one organisation, without dealing substantially with their findings, nor interacting with others who also have similar findings)Even you wud admit that lesbian sex has risk of STDs (albeit less risk)... so by the *criteria* of progay folks, this behavior should be morally objectionable :)"

Their blatant arrogant ignorance on this is moronic, as they still turn a deaf year to what I or even Jemufo is saying. So I shall comment this, and see if they wish to respond in this space:

Jemufo, I believe u have missed the point here. The silly argument was actually advanced by PRO-gay lifestyle folks that since it hurts nobody, then it's morally acceptable.

So you are arguing from a 'moral' standpoint, but still none can answer me 'what the (beep) is so immoral about homosexuality? God says so again?

But, from both NARTH and *Non-Narth* research, they do have medical consequences. (yuki has only been content with adhominems against one organisation, without dealing substantially with their findings, nor interacting with others who also have similar findings)

:) It would be so easy to just quote www.exgaywatch.com, the most neutral of 'pro' sources even medically, but unfortunately for you, almost ALL my resources are neutral and never 'progay'. And unfortunately, this discussion itself is already evidence of ignorance and turning a deaf ear on facts by the Agora, and other 'Christians'.

Even you wud admit that lesbian sex has risk of STDs (albeit less risk)... so by the *criteria* of progay folks, this behavior should be morally objectionable :)

So then would you also admit that since lesbians have less risk then heterosexual men, and I did also pointed out in the Centre Of Disease Control site ironically, quoting them... THAT SOME WOMEN WHO IDENTIFY THEMSELVES AS WSW OR LESBIAN MAY BE AT RISK FOR HIV INFECTION THROUGH UNPROTECTED SEX WITH MEN. Should heterosexuality be more morally objectionable than lesbianity then? So who the heck is the official ad hominem producer?

Jemufo also provided this:
http://www.kirklandproductions.com/ARTISTS/Dr_John_Corvino-video.html

This is a simple but entertaining debunk of the general homosexual myths of our generation.

I would not hide my disappointment with the Agora. They tried so hard to sound intelligent and logical, but unfortunately the foot continues to stick back into their mouths. I really thought the Agora is finally willing to listen. I guess I am wrong. But what do you expect from college students who have barely set foot out to see the world, and only listens to other anti-gays?

My final response to them says all of how I feel:

Dave, I have urged you again and again not to use the inexistent word 'pro-gay'. I repeat again, asking homosexuals to be treated as equal human beings is not being 'pro-gay'.

If you 'love' homosexuals, would you assert your heterosexual superiority as having the opportunities like marriage and employment, and deny homosexuals the same benefits? Are you not even MORE pro-straight? Who holds the major bias then?

And I also asked you again not to use the word 'lifestyle', but I guess your mind is already controlled by the doctrines of the church that call homosexuals inexistent, that it is just wounded heterosexuality. And no one is going to change your mind, And you would still talk to your church members, straight friends and 'ex-gays' about homosexuals to be further 'edified' by the information they give you.

If you want to know a girl, you go and talk to a girl. If you are questioning about girls, you do not go to your football team members, guy pals and 'ex-girls'. If you do so, you will never know what a girl is. And as it is obvious here, you will never know a true homosexual. And still would choose to continuously talk about them, without them.

And about NARTH, look, if you are so confident with their junk science and anti-gay 'love' so be it. If you wish to cite their twisted as 'true sciences' it is your problem if you associate yourself with them.

Heck, so many members of NARTH already left because they wish to disassociate themselves, they would sure need new supporters like you. Go ahead, be my guest. I am sure you would not regret parroting their rubbish for the sake of defending the 'oh homosexuals is ya know, so darn immoral' argument; because that is the ONLY so-called medical body with only 1,000 members in the US to cite anti-gay rethorics, the rest of the current major medical consensus held by 477,000 members from several major medical and health professional bodies in the US are already rejected by you. Go ahead and support the narrow, since it makes you happy.

Guess I am already numb to shallow people that is not looking beyond their 180 degree eyesight. By the way, FYI no heterosexual gene was ever concretely discovered too. Can I argue your existence and why heterosexuals always divorce at a rate twice the amount of homosexuals then? Or should you deserve employment? Or worse, since there is no scientific basis for heterosexuality, should you 'change' then? There is always 'hope' for heterosexuals ya know, if you are STRAIGHT BUT NOT HAPPY?

Yuki's thoughts: I am transsexual and happy, but still hear Christian telling me that I am 'struggling' and 'confused'. Fine.

My struggles are because of these 'Christians' judging the surface of issues like me and homosexuals, talking like they know how we feel without filling in our shoes, and thinking they know more about homosexuality than homosexuals themselves.

I am a very confused and puzzled person as to why these 'Christians' are so naive.

The Bible Says So: Part Two (The Earth, The Sun).

2007-09-28T00:42:00.000+08:00

Eartharoundsunophobia period: before the 17th Century:

One of the greatest astronomers of the world, Galileo Galilee was jailed by religious authorities, and because of his assertion that the Earth goes around the sun and not otherwise.

The statement released by the Christian fundamentalist group, who was conducting ‘research’ at that time called the Qualifiers, declared the infamous statement about the idea that the Sun is stationary: ‘Foolish and absurd in philosophy, and formally heretical since it explicitly contradicts many places the sense of Holy Scripture.’ God knows what would have happened if we had more of these ministries parroting more rubbish then.

“Joshua 10: 13
So the sun stood still, and the moon stopped, till the nation avenged itself on its enemies, As it is written in the Book of Jashar.
The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down for a full day.”

It is obvious here in this verse that the sun was a movable object that suddenly stopped in the middle of the earth’s sky. As we know now, even if the sun DID steadies itself in the middle of sky, it would have been the earth that could have stopped, not the sun. This was the Word Of God and cannot be disputed back before the 16th century. But are we ready now to stake claim that science is wrong, all the media is just painting an illusion of the Milky Way galaxy, and the Sun really goes around the Earth?

“1 Chronicles 16:30
Tremble before him, all the earth The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.”

“Psalm 93:1
The Lord reigns, he is robed in majesty;
The Lord is robed in majesty and is armed with strength, The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.”

“Psalm 96.10
Say among the nations, “The Lord reigns.” The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved; he will judge the people with equity.”

“Psalm 104:5
He set the earth on its foundations; it can never be moved.”

Four verses stated very clearly that the earth is firmly established in its foundations and cannot be moved!

The world, a gigantic spherical rock, is moving in two ways, all the time. It rotates on its axis based on the north pole and the south pole, and it goes around the orbit around the sun. The Bible cannot be wrong, therefore should we fear the kinds of science textbooks they are bringing home? Or are we willing to admit now that seriously some parts of the Bible is just not applicable in today’s time because it is only the inspired Word Of God?

“Ecclesiastes 1:5
The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises.”

Here the sun is described like a terrier, hurrying up into the sky, then hurrying down, then hurrying up again. This is the obscenely coherent Word Of God. So are we going to start a ministry to teach about this now, and say that those who disagree with this fact are pro-science or ex-Christian, that are not telling the truth?

Or to put it Edmund Smith (Real Love Ministry) style:
Fact: The Earth is rotating and at the same time traveling around the Sun.
Truth: The Earth has foundations and is immovable, while the Sun travels around it.

Or how about another way of Christian conservatives talk; when we landed on the moon and saw that the earth was spherical and moving, it is an illusion created by Satan. We are blinded from the truth and the earth is actually still flat, grounded and not moving.

Well, it is the truth, as The Bible Says So!

The Bible Says So: Part One (Introduction).

2007-09-28T00:08:00.000+08:00

The Holy Trinity consists of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. But for some sects of Christianity, it had become the Holy Five-O with additions of The Religion, The Bible. The last of the five are for the Bible worshippers. These are people who believe that The Bible is The Word Of God itself. It is the far cry from the truth of the Bible as the inspired Word Of God.

For example, when Paul (formerly known as Saul), writes to his son Timothy, he is writing a letter to another fellow human being. Paul was inspired by his own personal convictions in God in what he wrote, similarly to what he wrote to the Romans and the Corinthians. Paul is not God.

But those who worship the Bible, confuses Paul’s words as God’s words. To this end, cherry picking Bible verses to be used to condemn situations they find intolerable happens. The same way it is used to condemn homosexuals. The amazing thing is the amount of words off the Bible that seemed to be virtually ignored for convenience’s sake, some that even God himself demanded a death sentence.

This is a presentation of a list of verses, sentences and passages in the Bible concerning most of the things that are taken lightly in today’s culture in the name of comfort. And some because of change of times. There is no denying that these are the very words from the Bible, therefore there could never be an excuse for it. Which is why it is believed the Biblical intolerance towards homosexuals would one day come to past.

There are also those attempts to go further as to justify some why verses from the Bible that are in non-effect today. Some of the excuses given are:

- Some parts of the Bible cannot be applied today because of different culture and times.
- Some parts of the Bible are only applicable to certain groups like the Jews.

Funny thing is there are still no justifications from anyone on why the Bible is pro-slavery. But most Christians claim the Bible is the inerrant, infallible Word Of God.

It is very interesting however, to note that homosexuals are not given the same justifications. The general rule applies here now. If some parts the Bible is not relevant for today, why not all of it? Why pick on homosexuals? If some laws or verses only apply for different groups of people so to speak, that would mean all of the sentences from the Bible that is used to condemn homosexuals, are actually invalid!

The Bible is supposed to be the ultimate guide in knowing God is our own personal journey; it is therefore disappointing that it is being used as a weapon of oppression. To many, Christ represents hope for mankind in times of turmoil; unfortunately, there exists religion worshippers bent on taking away hope from a specific community, just because of differences in people, from blacks and now sexuality. It has happened before, as we will examine Bible in this article’s next part.

Singapore PM: gay sex laws retained because ''that's the way many singaporeans feel''.

2007-09-27T00:41:00.000+08:00

The Singaporean message to the world in bold, commentary in brackets:

Source: http://www.fridae.com/newsfeatures/article.php?articleid=2042&viewarticle=1

PM Lee Hsien Loong reiterates that although "gayness is mostly something in-born” and "a personal matter," Section 377A will be retained because “that's the way many Singaporeans feel" it should be so.

A law undergraduate queried Singapore Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, who was speaking to university students at a Ministerial Forum on Friday night, about the government’s decision to retain current laws that criminalise “gross indecency” between men despite its promise to not use it against consenting adults.

PM Lee explained that the government had to recognise that many people in Singapore were strongly against the decriminalisation of Section 377A which provides for a jail sentence for up to two years should a man is found to have committed "an act of gross indecency" with another man, either in public or private.

"If everybody felt like you in Singapore...we could change 377(A), and we would decriminalise gay sex.

(The results of a poll in 2000 on gay law issues in Singapore shows that almost everybody agreed they should decriminalize it: http://www.sodomylaws.org/world/singapore/sinews001.htm

Finally, the survey asked about the current "crimes against nature" law, which most other former British colonies have long since repealed but which in Singapore prescribes punishments as harsh as life imprisonment. Recently a heterosexual male was convicted of sodomy against his former girlfriend, but acts between two women have never been prosecuted. Specifically, respondents were asked if they believed that oral sex between homosexual adults in private should be restricted. Restrictions were opposed by 39% of those interviewed on the street and supported by 29%. Among Internet respondents, fully 78% opposed restrictions and only 16% supported them.)

(So where is the 'majority'?).

"It's a very divisive issue, our view or my view is that gayness is mostly something in-born; some people are like that and some people are not. How they live their own lives is really for them to decide, it's a personal matter.

"But the tone of the society, the public, and society as a whole, should be really set by the heterosexuals and that's the way many Singaporeans feel.

(So it means heterosexuals in Singapore is now publically given a superior status in society of Singapore to tone the society, the public and society? Heterosexuals are now the sexual orientation police in Singapore. Asexuals beware.)

"Gay people exist. We respect them, and they have a place in our society. But (for) Section 377A, to change that, will be a very divisive argument. We will not reach consensus however much we discuss it.

(Just how divisive is it? Well, they just do not wish to divide the church and the state, especially when the fundies make noise about their bigotry. Therefore it is better to have Christianity as the superior religion than Buddhists in Singapore, even thought there are around 3 Buddhist for every one Christian: http://www.k12academics.com/singapore_demographics.htm

Singapore is also a multi-religious country, due mainly to its location on one of the world's major transportation routes. More than 40% of Singaporeans profess adherence to Buddhism. The large percentage may be due to a lack of distinction between Taoism and Buddhism; Taoism, Confucianism, Buddhism, and ancestral worship are merged into one religion by most of the Chinese population. Most Muslims are Malay.

Christianity in Singapore consists of Roman Catholicism and various Protestant denominations, and comprises approximately 14% of the population. Other religions include Sikhism, Hinduism and the Baha'i Faith followed mainly by those of Indian descent.

The demographics may be a bit old but still strong: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_in_Singapore

The influence of the Christian religion on political issues is really immense: http://www.straitstimes.com/ST+Forum/Online+Story/STIStory_160086.html)

"The views are passionately held on both sides. The more you discuss it, the angrier they become. The subject will not go away.

"Our view, as a government is, we will go with society. We will not push forward as society's views shift. We just follow along. As of today, my judgement is: the society is comfortable with our position. Leave the clause (alone). What people do in private is their own business; in public, certain norms apply."

(The only people that would be angry our Christians churches. And looking at the other heterosexual law that had been ammended to allow sodomy among heterosexuals: http://www.out.co.nz/pages/outnews2.asp?ref=5702 . Where are your voices, oh mighty Singapore Christian Church? Do you Christian heterosexual men and women of "God" kept quiet because you wish to engage in anal sex and oral sex, and are joyous that your Christian homosexual brethren are unable to do so?

In a report last week, Member of Parliament Sin Boon Ann, supported the retention of the laws when asked to comment about a survey conducted by Singapore's Nanyang Technological University. The survey, which was done in January 2005, found that seven in 10 people held negative attitudes about gay men and lesbians.

(Of course: http://mrwangsaysso.blogspot.com/2007/09/why-homosexuality-should-be.html

Anyway, the study is here: http://www.ntu.edu.sg/corpcomms2/news/ST_070920_H10_7%20in%2010%20frown%20on%20homosexuality.pdf

This seems rather strange, and already highly suspectful, considering Singapore's position as a liberal nation fearful enough to cause an ex-gay in Singapore (now in Malaysia) to ask his parroting little chickens not to go to Singapore.

And where exactly are the test subjects from? There should be questions on this study because of all their efforts on asking the 1,000 persons for their opinion, while also getting their religions status, the percentage from the thousand of those from religions like Christianity is not revealed. Can someone fill us in on this, or it is supposed to remain shrouded in doubt.)

The findings showed that 68.6 per cent of the respondents 'generally held negative attitudes,' 22.9 per cent had positive attitudes and 8.5 per cent were neutral.

(But at least in the link above, they admitted this: On average, Christians and Muslims were seen to hold 'significantly more negative attitudes' than Buddhists or freethinkers.)

Sin, who is head of the Government Parliamentary Committee for Community Development, Youth and Sports said: "We are a conservative society and will not be trailblazers in this regard."

He added that the decision to keep the laws was a "statement of values" rather than a "statement of rights and obligations."

(The statement of values should consider on a broader thought about homosexuality. Since it is announced vividly in Singapore that homosexuals exist, why put the foot in the mouth by obviously saying 'Homosexuals are not allowed to have sex, even anal and oral. Heterosexuals can have any sex they want'. Is such blatant discrimination, and imposing a superiority over a minority, a value?)

This is despite the fact that Singapore is the only developed country to have laws criminalising sexual activity between men. Like Singapore, Malaysia and India inherited similar laws from its British colonial past while former colony Hong Kong had scrapped its laws criminalising gay sex in 1991.

---------------------

(There were two strong worded letters sents to the press in separate times: The anti-gay letter by Yvonne Lee was apparently rebutted by her boss and vice dean Victor Ramraj of the same university they belong to.

http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Southeast_Asia/IE17Ae01.html

Her letter, and presumably another rebuttal by a Mr. Ravi, here:

http://www.singaporedemocrat.org/Vantage_MRavi.html)

Yuki's Funnies: The History of Michael Jackson's face.

2007-09-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

Check out this amazing photographic history of Michael Jackson's face.

Source: http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Jackson.html

Michael Jackson's Nose was voted as NUMERO UNO on E!'s 101: Most Starlicious Makeovers... ahead of himself at No 2....

http://www.tv.com/e!s-101/most-starlicious-makeovers-20---1/episode/318451/summary.html

Yuki's choice reading:
http://www.snopes.com/photos/people/jackson.asp
http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/jackson2.asp

The Direction.

2007-09-24T18:45:00.000+08:00

I felt I have lost a bit of direction after going through the past half year. And I am also going through a period of depression. I have seen off worse circumstances in my life but the stigma, discrimination and prejudice is really getting to me. Thus far, the only thing that is running positively is my activism, education and information work in regards to LGT issues. I lost Ch'ng, Malaysia, because of his commitments; but to my surprise got Kennikoh and Ratwoodies, from Australia, in return. Even on that, there seems to be a conflict in me, because many of my friends across the United States would wish the T would be separated from the LG in what I am doing.

As for jobs, I have gone through the worse spell in my life. Five jobs have come to passed since I regretfully left the only job I feel at home and at peace with at a frame shop / gallery at Sunway / Kota Kemuning, Selangor, Malaysia. I have never changed jobs so often before, but one way or the other, I am not secure in them. Even the community work I am doing now, bears a lot of discomfort for me, even though my MTF sisters are around. On most of the five jobs I have been pushed away by ignorance, some of the bosses may like me but the workers do not. Sometimes, the bosses are the problem themselves, at first they really tried to accept me; but in the end, their bigotry got in their way. It seems I am an easy meat to be sliced off, because it is always the transsexual's fault.

The problem with my case would be my inability to work in certain jobs. I have done two bar jobs of the five I mentioned, but realised I am no longer a person interested in drinking myself drunk every night for the sake of entertaining customers. Somehow or rather, be it my moral self or the hormonal therapy I am going through, I really need to get myself fit again. On the other three, which are full time jobs, I faced tremendous pressure from my bosses and some of my colleagues, it seems there is one rule for me and another rule for the rest of the organization.

I am no longer the person I was because of my abysmal situations, from strong I became weak. My drive for perfection is gone and seemed to be buried beneath the years of turmoil. My parents in Ipoh, already are unable to accept the daughter of a son they conceived. My finances are still at a fix. I know I need to get out of Malaysia or I may die here. And I know too I need to be more passable and prettier in order to survive. But to do so, I need money. So where am I going to get it?

I guess most of my depressed state comes from the fact I feel like I am now, a nobody. I used to be someone when I transitioned in my earlier days, even though all that is thanks to my ex-boyfriend who gave me that position. I used to enjoy a nice warm bed in a big room with clean sheets and cool scent. I used to revel in socializing among higher circles of people. I had almost 50 pairs of comfortable shoes to wear and tons of dresses. I lost all that, after I left this abusive boyfriend of mine. My mind ponders, should I have stayed with him? Maybe through all the physical and emotional torture I have to go through, at least I would not be suffering as I am now. I loved the champagne life, but had it ruined me? A fate for the future be shaped based on past experiences?

Now in my continued and on turbo mode of transition, I am facing a life alone. No one to give me the security, finances and comfort. No one to support me. I am learning to be independent in the worse possible manner at the worse possible time. But I badly need one opportunity, just one, to make the world around me a better place. It is a shame, but I will be taking a huge risk soon. But I owe it to myself to take care of me, so even though it will place me in a more compromising position I must do it. I hope I survive every each obstacle a stronger person. What I want for the time being is simple, to make tomorrow better than today. Perhaps that, would give me some peace.

What should I do next, perhaps if I should stop asking that question I could move forward. I need to cease the day, and do all I can to live. Even if it means I go full time on escort duty. Positive thinking? Okay, I will get out of this hole. I will take care of me. And I will continue to come of age. I need to get back to where I belong. Desire, Discipline and Determination, the 3D's I always failed to practise. Perhaps it is time to discover slowly, the adventures unfolding before me.

Transgender People Face Violence, Obstacles.

2007-09-24T13:18:00.000+08:00

Transgender People Face Violence, Obstacles
by Megan Tady

Cast to the margins of society, gender-nonconformists have always lived under the threat of harassment and brutality, but a new report and vigilant voices of resistance aim to expose and challenge prevailing social stigmas.

Jan. 15 – From an early age, Margaux Ayn Schaffer – who was born male – identified as a girl. And from an early age, she was threatened for not conforming to her socially assigned gender.

Schaffer recalls that in the eighth grade, she was beaten up by her peers at school, and that once, later in life, a group chased her from a train station.

"When I went to the security, they just said, ‘You should learn how to fight,’ and they were laughing at me," Schaffer said. Now 48, Schaffer is a male-to-female transsexual.

Living the way that makes Schaffer most comfortable, however, draws a stiff penalty from society. "There are harsh social sanctions for not following the gender lines," she said.

From schoolyard bullying to street harassment to brutal murders, violence is often a part of the transgender experience. The term transgender refers to anyone who transgresses traditional gender boundaries and includes cross-dressers and transsexuals.

"Most folks who... have a gender presentation that is somewhat non-conforming or different from the gender they were assigned at birth have had some experience with isolation, discrimination and violence," said Avy Skolnik, a coordinator with the New York City Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project, who is transgender himself.

According to a 2005 report by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, which analyzed incidents targeting lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people (LGBT) in fifteen US cities and regions, 213 transgender people suffered anti-transgender offenses in 2004. The incidents included assaults, harassment and vandalism.

“Most folks who… have a gender presentation that is somewhat non-conforming or different from the gender they were assigned at birth have had some experience with isolation, discrimination and violence.”In another report released last month, the Gender Public Advocacy Coalition (GPAC) detailed the deaths of 51 people under the age of 30 who may have been murdered because of their gender non-conformity.

The Coalition drew on hate crimes reports, newspaper accounts, websites and online databases to complete the report, which covers a decade. The group characterized the 51 murders as "definitely or probably" motivated by gender nonconformity, but warned that, "unless an assailant made a direct public statement – during the assault in front of surviving witnesses, in confiding to a friend, or at a trial afterwards – it was often impossible to determine with complete confidence whether gender was a factor in the crime."

The GPAC report included descriptions of each of the victims’ deaths. For instance, in 2002, Alejandro Lucero, a 25-year-old Hopi transgender woman, was strangled and beaten to death in Phoenix, Arizona. Sakia Gunn, a 15-year-old black lesbian whose mother described her as "dress[ing] like a boy," was stabbed to death while waiting at a bus top in New Jersey in 2003. In 2005, Delilah Corrales, a 23-year-old transgender Latina woman, was stabbed, beaten and drowned in the Colorado River.

“Trans people generally don’t get stabbed once; they get stabbed 20 times, shot, burned and thrown into a dumpster.” The website "Remembering our Dead" memorializes over 300 transgender people who have been murdered in the US and abroad over the last several decades.

A community on the margins

When a transgender person is murdered, the entire transgender community feels targeted, said Mara Keisling, who is transgender and the director of the DC-based National Center for Transgender Equality.

"Even though it appears that there’s not someone out there saying, ‘Let’s kill all the trans people,’ it does feel that way," Keisling told The NewStandard. In the past decade, seven transgender people under the age of 30 have been killed in Washington, DC, according to the GPAC report.

"Besides the fact that so many people lost someone they loved, it takes an emotional toll when you live in a place where you know you could get killed. Those are all horrible things to have to live with," she said.

It is not just through violence that the transgender community can feel targeted.

Often, just carrying a government-issued ID may expose a transgender person to an uncomfortable, humiliating or potentially threatening situation, if it displays a former name or gender presentation. But Skolnik said obtaining documentation that properly reflects a transgender person’s chosen identity and gender is costly and time-consuming, and often a class-based option.

Keisling said anti-transgender violence is part of a cycle of institutional barriers and economic disparities. She said that because of discrimination, many transgender people have fragile employment and housing situations, which in turn can leave transgender people more vulnerable to violence.

Schaffer said something as simple as not having a car can leave a transgender person vulnerable "if they’re having to use public transportation, or if they’re walking along the road."

“When your whole worldview is a dichotomy between white-black, bad-good, straight-gay, and suddenly you see there’s a whole continuum between them and everyone can move around -- well this is terrifying to most people.” Patterns of age, race, class and original sex in anti-transgender violence weave intersections between marginalized groups in society.

According to the Gender Public Advocacy Campaign’s (GPAC) report detailing the murders of young people who transgressed gender boundaries, a majority of the victims – 91 percent of those for whom race was known – were young people of color.

Additionally, the report discovered that 92 percent of the victims were biologically male but presented varying degrees of femininity.

Taneika Taylor, director of communications for GPAC and co-author of the report, said young people and youth of color are particularly vulnerable to violence because they lack "sufficient financial and social capital to ensure their own safety."

Extreme violence
Beyond demographics, murders with suspected gender-based motivations typically share another characteristic: brutality.

"Trans people generally don’t get stabbed once; they get stabbed 20 times, shot, burned and thrown into a dumpster," Keisling said. For example, in 2002, seventeen-year-old Gwen Araujo, a Latina transgender teen, was beaten with a skillet and strangled to death while she was at a party with her peers, according to the GPAC report.

GPAC found that a majority of the victims were killed with violence "beyond that necessary to terminate life." In some cases, assailants continued to bludgeon, stab or shoot the victims even after death.

Michael Kimmel, a sociologist and author of books about men and masculinity, said gender-based violence can sometimes be sexualized.

"It’s because it’s about a kind of rejection of that sexuality," Kimmel told TNS. "It’s kind of like purging – not just by murdering something – but by annihilating it; by making it as if it never existed."

Strict gender lines

The rage against gender nonconformists, advocates say, is rooted in how people see and enforce gender roles.

Kimmel said transgender people disrupt a prevailing social concept that everyone can be classified in distinct categories, such as male and female, or gay and straight. Transgender identity, he said, "shows us something that we absolutely, desperately do not want to see: that [gender is] artificial."

"When your whole worldview is a dichotomy between white-black, bad-good, straight-gay," Kimmel argued, "and suddenly you see there’s a whole continuum between them and everyone can move around – well, this is terrifying to most people."

A society’s response to a transgender person, he said, is confusion and anger: "Are you a boy or are you a girl? What are you? You cannot occupy this space. You must choose. You must be one or the other."

But while some people may struggle to understand a transgender identity, Kimmel said it is usually only men who respond to it with violence. Of the 22 murders in the GPAC report with known assailants, all were committed by males.

"We have a very inflexible idea of what masculinity is," Kimmel said. "The violence is an effort to assert that masculinity."

Reporting anti-transgender violence

Advocates for transgender people say strict gender lines are reinforced by the media when reporting on gender-based violence – when the crimes are reported at all. According to GPAC, the murders of about one in four victims in its report received no media attention.

Keisling said it's difficult not only when the mainstream media does not cover anti-transgender violence, but also when the details of the crimes are wrongly reported. "If I were to get murdered," she said, "[reporters] might say, ‘a man’ or ‘a man in a wig and a dress.’ It’s disrespectful to the victim; it dehumanizes the victim."

Due to a general lack of understanding of transgender people, anti-transgender crimes are often classified as simply anti-gay by both the media and authorities. For instance, the FBI’s 2005 hate-crime statistics sort gender crimes by only homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual.

"If trans people are murdered, the public needs to know about it. Trans people need to know about it," Keisling said. "If that gets whitewashed as just gay people being killed, that wouldn’t [help] people to amply protect themselves."

Some transgender advocates have pushed for laws explicitly classifying anti-transgender violence as a hate crime, arguing that such violence targets not just an individual, but entire communities.

Though some states have enacted hate-crime legislation raising the penalties for crimes targeting people because of their gender expression, similar legislation at the federal level has stalled in Congress.

According to the GPAC report, 72 percent of the 51 attacks documented were not officially classified as hate crimes.

While the FBI reported that 62 percent of all murder cases in 2004 were "closed" or "solved" because of arrests made, only 46 percent of the murders in the GPAC report have been solved. The group said a failure to categorize the murders as hate crimes, a general lack of media attention and the marginalized social status of the victims may have contributed to the unsolved rate of anti-transgender crimes.

"When there’s not an appropriate response from authorities or from the media, it often means that there’s not a space for public outcry," Skolnik said. "It can get swept under the rug and it compounds the damage because it reconfirms the message that the offender was initially sending, which was, ‘Your community is not really important.’"

Positive trends

Despite the continued violence against transgender people, advocates say they are seeing some positive trends in combating the systemic discrimination and violence against gender nonconformists.

Ten states and Washington, DC have passed hate crime laws that extend to gender identity and expression. Those states are California, Colorado, Connecticut, Hawaii, Maryland, Missouri, Minnesota, New Mexico, Pennsylvania and Vermont.

Additionally, more than 70 colleges and universities and over 40 K-12 school districts include gender-identity and expression in their non-discrimination or anti-harassment policies.

But in spite of such policies, violence and discrimination against transgender people persists. The National Center for Lesbian Rights reported last January that although California passed a school harassment policy that includes sexual orientation and gender identity six years ago, many schools were not in compliance.

Skolnik said that laws targeting gender-based hate crimes would go further in stopping the violence if they included provisions for public-education campaigns to raise awareness about the issue.

"Hate violence is a manifestation of society’s attitudes toward historically oppressed people, including communities of color, women, LGBT folks, people with disabilities, and the list goes on," Skolnik said. "When an incident happens, a significant public outcry and media response and rallying around a group or individual that was targeted not only provides support for the victim, but also sends that larger societal message."

The GPAC report called for mandatory diversity training for law-enforcement personnel on gender identity and expression issues, and for educators to include gender-identity curriculum in schools. The group is also asking for other human- and civil-rights groups to take up the cause of fighting anti-transgender violence.

"We need to see [anti-transgender] rage as a sickness – a cultural sickness – like racism or anti-Semitism or misogyny," Kimmel said. "It’s a cultural illness, so it demands a cultural response."

© 2007 The NewStandard. All rights reserved. The NewStandard is a non-profit publisher that encourages noncommercial reproduction of its content. Reprints must prominently attribute the author and The NewStandard, hyperlink to http://newstandardnews.net (online) or display newstandardnews.net (print), and carry this notice. For more information or commercial reprint rights, please see the TNS reprint policy.

(The NewStandard ceased publishing on April 27, 2007.)

Yuki's thoughts: Pretty much says it all, is it not? All these happens on various levels throughout the world actually. I do not wish to live in a world without love, but the situation is, this is exactly the kind of world we are living in now. The future of the transgender community, in on every one's hands. Ditto.

Straight But Not Happy?

2007-09-21T17:17:00.000+08:00

Reading closely between the lines of this blog post, you will find evidence that the slanderous Church Of Our Saviour is doing a pretty good job. I do not understand why this fellow wants to parrot such shallow rubbish. My comments in bold.

Source: http://deadlyday.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html

If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads. (Lev 20:13)

Again, the overfocus of homosexuality in the old laws of Leviticus, laws that conservatives themselves claim that it does not apply in our times and only applies to the Jews. Hope this boy wisens up and reads the rest of Leviticus 20.

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Cor 6:9-11)

Here is another verse that is heavily promoted by anti-gay churches. This of course refers to pagan immorallity, which had been mistranslated and misrepresented as same sex attraction. And it is written by Paul in the Bible, the woman basher who dislikes woman who do not wear veils, dressed sexily and strictly do not wish woman to have authority over man.

Had a talk by a speaker by Choices ministry where they seek to counsel, help and heal people with homosexuality problems and struggles. In short, this session talks about what defines a homosexual, their sexual orientation, the root of the problem and finally how to relate to people around us who are facing such problems.

The overuse of the word 'struggler' to define only the label of homosexuality is appalling. It paints a negative connotation that homosexuals are 'addicts' or are having some sort of 'sickness' that they are suffering. The boring reasons to why they believe the a blind church is explained below by this writer.

I guess the first thing which comes to most people’s mind when this topic is being discussed is that this is a taboo topic which no one would talk about it seriously or even treat it as a joke for due to our conservative nature, sex is a topic not widely talked about, much less a topic such as homosexuality. However this stigma that we have towards this topic can become a serious problem as in the mist of the hush and jokes, we may have unintentionally drown those among us who really faces such problems and it makes peer support and even the church sometimes an unsafe place to seek help and support for the problem. As such many people would either bite the bullet and endure this perversion and practice abstinence and try to suppress this feeling which is good at the surface but the problem still persists or worse still fall in the trap of thinking that I am born this way and there is nothing I can do to prevent so I would just carry out what I think is right and there are many out there who are available readily due to the enemy’s power and influence to further push the person deeper into sin. As Jesus say, love the sinner but hate the sin, therefore we must be open and willing to help and relate to people who have such problems and not be paranoid and have unnecessary fear for them as at the end of the day, they are humans just like us who have a problem.

Perhaps this boy already have a problem with gays and lesbians. Hence the use of the word 'perversion'. People always feel 'perversed' on something they do not understand. And they assume that gays are under 'the enemy's power' as if Satan has nothing better to do then recruiting gays. He obviously forgot Satan works loud, and promote everything negative, like a huge church called COOS on a mission to deny people who are born different a life.

From this session, I realized that there are many different types of homosexual according to how they deal with their problems. First there are the kind who know that this is wrong and they abstain from such behavior and act normal. However this kind of reaction is dangerous as it may lead to seeking of pornography and masturbation as a form of fulfilling their hunger. The root of the problem is still there. Then there is the kind who leads double lifestyles where they are married with kids but have homosexual relations outside their marriage and it is kept secret from their wives. This most often leads to the danger of STD from their promiscuous double life and when the cat is let out of the bag, it may lead to divorces which lead to broken families and having emotional strain on the kids. The third kinds are the activist who promote their form of lifestyle as good and seek to decriminalize homosexuality in countries and also to criminalize speaking against them and saying that this is wrong and is a problem ought to be solved. This is what is happening to Singapore right now where the government is considering amending section 377 of the penal code which as it is now criminalize homosexuality. However Singapore long has a close one eye policy where though it is illegal but no one has been charged under it yet for as long as it happens in private and not forced upon another. However in my opinion this should not be amended as it would lead to a slippery slope of legalizing gay marriages, allowing adoption of children by gay couples and giving gay couples the same rights as heterosexual parents. Imagine how detrimental it would be to the social fabric of our society. Singapore is a small country who relies on its people as it only resources to compete and survive. Faced with birthrates, are we encouraging behavior which would further decline our birthrate, but allowing same sex marriages and exposing our children to such a concept which in the long run would destroy our society. Not at all, we need to have a society with strong family structure to encourage people to start normal families breeding normal and healthy children who would grow up to be our resource and ensure our survival as a nation for the times to come.

Yet again mentions of STDs on line with homosexuality. These are lies that is only presented by the Christian anti-gay circle. Ask any doctor, and they would tell you all STDs do not discriminate. In fact, most carriers of STDs are heterosexual... (twilight zone theme). And again, the illusion of the gay agenda, and the 'human survival' theme. They forgot to inform people that overpopulation is a problem in today's world. Again the heterosexual dictatorship over homosexuals, heterosexuals now in Singapore can have oral and anal and run free, homosexuals must stay in the closet. I wonder if this boy sees the utter prejudice.

The rest of this paragraph depicts the ex-gay, the closeted gay and the pro-gay, and taught in line with ex-gay ministries. I hope one day this shallow boy opens his mind and see the world, sans the labels and closeting himself only four walls in the church and not seeing the world outside. Now the word 'concept' to describle homosexuality. That is new, and ridiculous. It is a sexual orientation. No wonder so many Singaporeans choose to turn to atheism, on the face of such militancy.

Pro gay activist would argue that being homosexual is something natural and not a choice however many research and evidence of cases from choices ministry have shown otherwise. Homosexual behavior is not genetic but rather due problems which developed during upbringing of a child or incidents which leave scars in certain points of a person’s life. An example is when during the development of a male child for example; he needs a father to teach him during around 12 years of age to detach from his mother and how to be a man. If this is absent in a case of single parents or the father is simply to busy to spend time with the child, the problem remains till puberty and the next stage of development which is sex is confused with the early stage of need a male figure. Thus this would lead to the confusion of needing a male for sex which develops the homosexual behavior and many people just seem to have the feeling but the root of the problem here which they fail to realize is the lack of a father figure during childhood development.

Again, the parents absence theory. For most people who knows the real hard truth, they would know this science is yelped only by ex-gay ministry affiliated doctors. No doctors with a sane mind approves such theories, because this would lead to the assumption that all often absent parent produces all homosexual children. The problem with the untrained mind is they think, but never research. Heterosexual children are also faced with parent absence, but why are they not homosexual then?

This would lead to parents who has always been there with their children to be blamed for a natural orientation given by God when it happens. And the equation is so easily rejected: If absent father + abandoned boy = homosexual and absent mother + abandoned girl = lesbian, then absent father and mother + abandoned child = orphan = asexual? Or absent father + abandoned girl = ? This last line is equated by ex-gay ministries that in the face of an absent father, the girl would take a male lead and become a tomboy and a lesbian. This after the absent mother theory that they say would make the girl closer to her father and therefore will become a tomboy and a lesbian. So you understand now the junk science by theses ex-gays? So does that mean the prescence of both parents + loved child = bisexual?

Another case is where in the case of a single parent family, and the mother or father is so domineering and fearful that the child develops a fear for the particular sex and generalize all sex to be like that. Therefore a male with a domineering mother would have a phobia towards females and would not seek to find intimacy in females and would turn to males instead. The last example is when a person such as a girl finds herself being cheated by a man in a relationship and makes her loses her faith in males. This would lead to a phobia for males and causes the development of homosexual behavior for females to seek solace and protection from men.

Anyone reading this would realise it totally contradicts itself again. So does that mean when a female with a domineering mother would have a phobia towards females and go sleep with males instead? That would be a sin too, rite? And the cheated by man thingy. Wow. This would mean ALL female divorcees because of men commiting adultery outside, are lesbians. Can someone please prove this, or shut up?

From the above, we can see that homosexuality is not genetic or anything natural but what I would call forced choices by circumstances and environment. Therefore it is a problem and people need to want to seek help for it and turn from their homosexual ways.

It is amazing what such militant organization can do to a boy like this. It is boring to paste, but: http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbc/publications/justthefacts.html

I have no doubts that it is possible for someone to be homosexual inlearnt. But please spare a thought for those homosexuls who are inborn. Nothing is more annoying than to use minority junk science as a representation of a majority, especially when the majority of homosexuals found out they are homosexuals by 6 years of age, have no problems whatsoever with their parents, have no problems communicating with men and women... and please take care of your own heterosexual sins before you judge homosexuals....

In conclusion I would like to say that homosexuality is a problem and a serious one and I would urge people who have friends with such problems to seriously pray for them and hope that they would be willing to accept help and want to change. Finally I pray that god would bless Singapore as a nation that we and our leaders would stand strong against the negative influence of the world and not amend the penal code to legalize gays as it would risk the destruction of our society and make it illegal for churches or anyone to speak against them as we are the protecting our children from the evils of our world and helping to keep them pure, god loving and faith children of god. I finally pray for people who have such problems to not be shy about it but rather faced it and truthfully seek help for the problems you have. May god bless all of us. Amen
Yes, trully, may God bless us all when these untrained minds are further controlled by an anti-gay exlcusive brethren bent on destroying homosexual people's lives just because they feel their heterosexuality is superior.

P.S. - I find it absolutely repulsive that they say they are to protect their children from people like homosexuals, when countless children unfortunately born with homosexuality are being bullied and violently abused everywhere. They are actually mindless enough to think that homosexuality is a virus that can infect children. Sorry to say this. Homosexuality is not a contagious disease. Prejudice and discrimination is.

Be aware parents with children in COOS, when your children comes home all muddied and with scars all over their bodies. You must then choose whether to go against the people who promotes discrimination enough to spurt such violence against your children just because they may be born different, or condone their behaviour because you believe what junk other people defines for you more than your kids.

Or worse, they say it is you and your spouses' fault.

Gay Sex Laws To Stay: Singapore Government.

2007-09-18T23:45:00.000+08:00

Source: http://www.fridae.com/newsfeatures/article.php?articleid=2038&viewarticle=1&searchtype=all

Despite efforts to lobby against the retention of gay sex laws in the city-state's first major penal code amendments in 22 years, the gay community will have to bear double the insult as the laws will sit between proposed laws against necrophilia and bestiality.

Under a Bill introduced in Singapore's parliament on Monday, current laws criminalising sex between men will be retained although laws criminalising oral and anal sex between heterosexuals will be repealed.

The proposed amendments, which was made available to the public since Nov 9 last year, will see no change to Section 377A which provides for a jail sentence for up to two years should a man is found to have committed “an act of gross indecency" with another man, either in public or private.

The Penal Code (Amendment) Bill, which was read the first time in Parliament on Monday, codifies the existing Section 377A “Outrages on decency” between the new Section 377 “Sexual penetration of a corpse" and Section 377B “Sexual penetration with living animal."

In April, the Law Society of Singapore said in its official feedback to the proposed amendment of the Penal Code that “the retention of s.377A in its present form cannot be justified” and recommended the section to be repealed.

The Ministry of Home Affairs (MHA) was quoted as saying in the Straits Times today that public feedback on the issue had been “emotional, divided and strongly expressed,” with the majority calling for the section to be retained.

"MHA recognises that we are generally a conservative society and that we should let the situation evolve," MHA said.

Ms Indranee Rajah, former chairman of the Government Parliamentary Committee for Law and Home Affairs, reiterated the MHA’s “assurance” that it would not actively prosecute people under that section.

“But in recognition of the fact that there is still quite a strong majority uncomfortable with homosexuality, the section must stay,” she said.

In April, Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew surprised many when he questioned the city-state’s ban on gay sex.

"If in fact it is true, and I have asked doctors this, that you are genetically born a homosexual — because that's the nature of the genetic random transmission of genes — you can't help it. So why should we criminalise it?" He told a youth rally.

In a recent International Herald Tribune interview, Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew said: “China has already allowed and recognised gays, so have Hong Kong and Taiwan. It's a matter of time. But we have a part Muslim population, another part conservative older Chinese and Indians.”

Other advocates of repeal include Member of Parliament Baey Kam Keng and Nominated Members of Parliament Siew Kum Hong who both spoke against keeping Section 377A on the books at a public forum on the issue in July.

Another amendment that has attracted intense debate is Section 375 which defines spousal rape. Under the proposed amendment, a man is deemed to have not broken any laws if he rapes his wife unless she is living separately from him, has ﬁled for a separation/divorce or applied for a protection order from the court.

Other amendments include the proposal to criminalise "sexual grooming" of minors under 16 by adults above 21 years of age who have “met or communicated with the minor on 2 or more previous occasions” as well as Singaporeans who have sex with minors under 18 locally and overseas (Section 376). Local media have reported that around 600 men travel from Singapore to the nearby Indonesian island of Batam each weekend for sex with teenaged girls.

The second reading is scheduled for Oct 17 when Parliament will debate on the Bill.

Yuki's thoughts: I am going to let a commentator of the topic of the above site to share his thoughts. He could not have said it any better :-

rockhudson says :

Just two days ago in Singapore's Parliament, the Minister for Home Affairs was tabling the admendments to the Penal Code (Chapter 224). Widely expected revisions were provisions for racial or religious hate crimes, removal of mandatory punishments and changes to the archaic unnatural sex statute. However, one significant part of the unnatural sex law have again failed the review. This time however, the Penal Code is being refined in definition, which is much needed. For instance, rape was previously defined as forced sexual intercourse on a woman by a man, now sexual intercourse will be defined as the penetration of the penis into the vagina only, and previously it was impossible to rape a man, now there is a new section for sexual assault by penetration (Section 376). This new provision however further punches holes into the Government's argument for the retention of Section 377A, for in future sexual intercourse with a male minor with or without his consent, will be persecutable under Section 376 and Section 377A, resulting in possible double jeopardy, and more so if the male minor is under 16 (Section 376A). Not only is having consensual sex with a male minor illegal henceforth but also the communication prior to the act is punishable, even if the act never did happened.

Many groups have called for the repeal of the archaic unnatural sex laws, including from sectors within the government itself, so why did the Ministry only introduce admendments to Section 377 and not Section 377A? This is without a shadow of doubt, the high-handed government-endorsed oppression and discrimination of the gay community. The government is never one to be held down by public opinion, not even by opposition to their unpopular policies no matter how sensitive it may be, willingly sacrificing any sacred cows in the name of progress, so why have they been so attentive to the anti-homosexual camp on this one particular sensitive issue? Interestingly, anal and oral sex is perfectly fine for heterosexuals but not for homosexuals, for reasons that cannot hold any water. Previously, the criminalisation of unnatural sex acts was justified by that Singapore is a conservative society and that all religions and cultures in Singapore don't endorse such unnatural and unproductive practices. If so, why have such anti-conservative and unproductive sexual acts be permissible between heterosexuals now? Need I say more.

This is not part of the "homosexual agenda", nor is it about the gay minority, but it is an issue of civil liberties. If the government can choose to refuse a law-abiding group such fundamental rights, what else can they not do? The government is clearly using the Law to discriminate and oppress the gay minority, otherwise how do you explain this situation? The Law is supposed to protect the discriminated and the disadvantaged, not to perpetuate their suffering and indignation. Like how the US Supreme Court held up civil liberties during the 60's in the face of majority opposition for equal rights for the blacks and other minorities, similarly the government should make full use of their high moral ground and strong mandate, and work towards a more inclusive society and for the good of every citizen, gay or straight.

Announcement: The Separation.

2007-09-13T19:16:00.000+08:00

Just to inform everyone that the Reflections Asia blog is finally done! There would be more changes to the presentation of it in the near future, and also further changes as this testing period goes underway.

As such, The Journey Of Yuki hereby will be my personal blog with little discussions in regards to the community separated from Reflections Asia; while Reflections Asia, with the actual advocacy work being done,would be the portal for all of the LGTs to get together, be affirmed and be edified in and as who we are.

I hope you will all find Reflections Asia a worthwhile read, with the sharing of information and education, news and articles, testimonies and stories, and also a watchdog for ex-gay ministries in Asia.

New Authors and Contributors are also welcomed to help out in this new site for all of us.

The Reflections Asia link is: http://reflectionsasia.wordpress.com/. Thank you and will share more soon. : )

Hell.

2007-09-13T02:07:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the controversial look at the eternal fires of hell.

So where the hell is hell?

"The Valley of Hinnom"

As Bible translations become purer, we find that references to Hell vanish from the pages of the Bible. Most translations only contain the word "Hell" a dozen times or so and many do not contain the word at all. The primary word some Bibles translate "Hell" is the Greek word "Gehenna."

This "Gehenna" is the valley in the Old Testament called "ga ben Hinnom" or "the valley of the son of Hinnom," also called "Tophet," a valley in which Israel burned their own children. (Note that it was God's own people who did the burning, NOT God Himself, who thought such a deed was utterly detestable! Jer. 32:35)

The Scriptures also foretell that this abominable valley would one day become a garden. Below are some pictures of this very valley in Israel which many Christians believe is Hell. It's rather ironic that the other valleys around it are barren and filled with graves, while the valley orthodox Christianity calls "Hell" has become a garden. Let God and His word be true and every man a liar.

Check out the presumably real photos of hell here:
source: http://www.what-the-hell-is-hell.com/HellPhotos/index.htm

Maybe it is a just mysterious location on the earth:
http://www.philipcoppens.com/cumae.html

It may be the legendary crust of the earth as we all would usually believe, or it could be in space!
http://news.softpedia.com/news/Astronomers-Discovered-Hell-in-Space-54349.shtml

Yuki's choice reading: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell

Singapore transsexual battles culture of shame.

2007-09-12T19:44:00.000+08:00

Source: http://www.france24.com/france24Public/en/administration/afp-news.html?id=070910060752.6ge8rx3i&cat=null

She loves children and her lifelong dream is to be a wife and a mother, but the raspy voice and masculine frame betray the fact that Leona Lo was born a man.

Unlike many other transsexuals in Asia who prefer to live privately because of the social stigma of sex change, the British-educated, Singaporean transsexual woman has chosen to live a normal life, but in public.

Smart, confident and articulate, the communications specialist who heads her own public relations company has embarked on a mission to help turn around the "culture of shame" surrounding transsexuals in Singapore and the region.

"Somewhere out there, not just in Singapore but throughout Asia, there are lots of young people who are suffering the way I suffered years ago," Leona, 32, tells AFP in an interview.

In her former life as a man, she was called Leonard.

These days, she draws on her experiences of gender identity crisis, rejection and discrimination to challenge social mores on behalf of the so-called silent community.

"It's this entire culture of shame that gets under your skin. It's not something that you can isolate and demolish because it is so much a part of our culture," she says.

While a few transsexuals are gaining prominence in Asia -- notably China's Jin Xing -- most continue to live in silence.

In May, a 32-year-old South Korean transsexual entertainer, whose sex alteration led the country to change its family registry laws, married her rapper boyfriend.

Parinya "Nong Toom" Charoenphol's rags-to-riches story was made into a movie, "Beautiful Boxer." Former Chinese People's Liberation Army colonel and now woman Jin Xing is a prize-winning dancer and choreographer.

Slim and taller than the average local woman, Leona packs charm and gets animated when talking about children.

But her lipsticked mouth creases into a pensive smile when she says: "I can't bear children. I have to be on hormones for life and I have this body structure of a guy."

The hormone treatment has "feminised" the former man. While traces of masculinity are evident, Leona says she has already come to terms with being a woman -- although a transsexual one.

"I can't deny that biologically I'm different," says Leona, wearing a blue dress, the muscles on her shoulders and arms clearly visible.

Discrimination is the biggest challenge faced by transsexuals, she says, recalling repeated rejection by prospective employers in Singapore despite her academic credentials.

"Singapore may be a cosmopolitan city, but many things are still swept under the carpet," Leona says.

No reliable figures on the number of transsexual men and women in Singapore, or the region, are available, mainly because those who feel they have been born in the wrong body prefer to endure their situation in silence rather than embarrass their families, Leona says.

"It's because a lot of transsexual women face discrimination at work and experience failure of relationships that a lot end up in suicide, depression. They end up on the streets as prostitutes," she says.

This is why she has taken time away from her thriving public relations consultancy promoting beauty products to wage her campaign.

After much persuasion, one local university allowed her to speak to an audience of students but she is finding it hard to pry open a window to share her thoughts in the corporate world.

On September 14 she is to launch her autobiography, "From Leonard to Leona -- A Singapore Transsexual's Journey to Womanhood."

From Singapore, Leona plans to travel across Asia to bring her message for greater tolerance of gender diversity.

Medical experts on gender believe transsexualism is a medical condition, and that transsexuals are different from transvestites and homosexuals.

In contrast, transvestites are always males and do not dislike their genitalia although they may derive sexual arousal through dressing as women, Goh said.

For transsexuals, dressing as a man or a woman for one year before a sex change operation is part of the transition process and is not related to any sexual pleasure, the experts say. The surgery is "the finishing touch," Goh wrote.

Leona says the association of transsexuals with prostitution in Singapore harks back to the 1960s when there was a flourishing culture of drag queens, including some transsexuals, on Singapore's Bugis Street.

As Singapore transformed rapidly into a modern Asian business centre, the government cracked down on Bugis Street. Transsexuals were lumped together with homosexuals, transvestites and prostitutes.

It was in this environment that the young Leonard -- Leona's original identity -- grew up.

As early as age 10, Leonard had already started developing feelings for boys.

But he was forced to remain silent because of a dearth of information about transsexualism and for fear his traditional Chinese family would be scandalised.

"I did not think I was gay. I just felt that I was a woman trapped in a man's body," says Leona, who has a younger sister.

At age 15, Leonard discovered a book about transsexualism, which sowed the seeds of his eventual decision to undergo a sex-change operation in 1997.

"I discovered that book in the library and I said 'Oh my God! There are actually people like me!'" she reminisces.

"That changed my life and I discovered that I could go for the sex change operation."

As an able-bodied man, Leonard entered Singapore's compulsory two-year military service at around 19.

Pressures of being forced to be "macho" during the training led to a nervous breakdown and drove him to attempt suicide by drug overdose, she says.

After military service, Leonard in 1996 went to study in Britain, where a more tolerant university environment allowed him to cross-dress for a year as part of his preparation for sex-change surgery.

In 1997, Leonard flew with his tuition money from Britain to Bangkok, where he walked into a clinic for the life-altering operation.

"I was afraid. I could go in and I could die. But I knew at that point that I was going to change my life forever," she recalls.

"I had carried that burden within me for so long and I couldn't live anymore without doing it."

Leona endured a lot of pain during the procedure, which took 14 days, but the feeling of having a new identity was "wonderful, euphoric!"

She warns other transsexuals who might be considering sex change surgery that getting a new identity "is not a magic wand" and they will have to live under a culture of shame and discrimination.

Family support is crucial. Her mother was the first person she told after the operation, and her father had already learned to accept her for who she is.

"By that time, they had already decided that they would rather have me as a woman than lose me as a child," she says.

What is her dream now?

"To be a wife and a mother," she says. "I look forward to a fulfilling relationship with a loving man, getting married and adopting three children.

"I've also reached a critical juncture where I'm more self-assured and finally able to lay to rest the painful aspects of my past and move confidently as a woman."

Yuki's thoughts: An inspiration to me, the work I do, and what we hope to accomplish for the future.

Unhealthy Heterosexual Lifestyle: 'Come Back To Me' singer Vanessa Hudgens outed.

2007-09-11T21:02:00.000+08:00

The heterosexual community now braces for another meltdown after Vanessa Hudgens, prominent actress for 'High School Musical', and singer of the top hit 'Come Back To Me', was outed stark naked in the internet recently.

Source: http://www.showbuzz.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/07/people_hot_water/main3242333.shtml?source=mostpop_photo

(AP) Recently, a scene showing a kiss on the lips was a big deal for the wildly popular "High School Musical," but fans will be even more surprised this time around with a recent nude image posted on the Internet of one of the movie's top stars.

Vanessa Hudgens' representative has confirmed that a nude photo circulating on the Internet is indeed the 18-year-old star of Disney Channel's wildly popular "High School Musical" movies.

"This was a photo which was taken privately," said Jill Fritzo, Hudgens' publicist, on Friday. "It is a personal matter and it is unfortunate that this has become public."

The photo shows the 18-year-old actress standing naked in what appears to be a bathroom, with a red shower curtain behind her.

The Disney Channel, part of the Walt Disney Co., denied a published report that Hudgens will be dropped from the upcoming feature film "High School Musical 3." That movie is in development, and negotiations with the stars are incomplete.

Disney had no further comment about the pictures.

Hudgens portrayed Gabriella, the brainy love interest of Zac Efron's basketball star in the first two "High School Musical" made-for-cable movies. The two are said to be dating in real life.

"High School Musical 2" attracted more than 17 million viewers for its Disney Channel premiere in August, the most-watched television program of the summer.

Yuki's choice reading:

The confirmation of events here:
http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272615923.shtml
The PR disaster for Disney's High School Musical here:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article2418980.ece
The apology here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20631297/
The photo of her, in the nude, here:
http://bp3.blogger.com/_2njq2Guqp4c/RuBCNueLKVI/AAAAAAAAKlI/y_XVJGu_jlY/s1600-h/vh.jpg
The higher resolution photo of her, in the nude here:
http://hostwhore.com/show.php/15094_118910559897.jpg.html
Other photos...
Sorry guys, let us not rub salt into people's wounds, kay?....

Yuki's thoughts: I still respect her. At least she admits and apologizes for her unhealthy heterosexual lifestyle. But what would the Christian community think about this? What would they do? Nothing I guess. Apparently the heterosexual sin is 'natural' for them. Better naked girls than naked guys, rite?

Graeme Le Saux: How gay slurs almost wrecked my career.

2007-09-11T19:25:00.001+08:00

Is he gay? Is he not? Is it important? It nearly deprived the English Premier League off one of its most talented players of his generation.

Source: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2419068.ece

Because I had different interests, because I didn’t feel comfortable in the laddish drinking culture that was prevalent in English football in the late 1980s, it was generally assumed by my teammates that there was something wrong with me. It followed, naturally, that I must be gay.

For 14 years I had to listen to that suggestion repeated in vivid and forthright terms from thousands of voices in the stands. It was a lie. I am not gay and never have been, yet I became a victim of English football’s last taboo.

The homophobic taunting and bullying left me close to walking away from football. I went through times that were like depression. I did not know where I was going. I would get up in the morning and would not feel good and by the time I got into training I would be so nervous that I felt sick. I dreaded going in. I was like a bullied kid on his way to school to face his tormentors.

It started in the summer of 1991, in my first spell at Chelsea. We had what is known as “a strong dressing-room” –a euphemism for a group of players who are very good at dishing out stick. It was not a place for shrinking violets and in the first few days of preseason training, when the banter flies around more than ever, there was a lot of talk about where people had been for their holidays.

I had had a good summer. I was 22 and had just broken into the first team. Over the previous 18 months I had become friends with two of the forerunners of Chelsea’s foreign legion: Ken Monkou and Erland Johnsen. Erland invited us to visit him in Norway. When the season finished, I took Ken to Jersey, where I’d grown up, and then we drove up through France, Belgium and the Netherlands and flew to see Erland.

We had a good time. When the trip was over, Ken headed back to London, Erland went on honeymoon to the Caribbean and I went on holiday with my girlfriend. When I got back to Chelsea and the boys asked me where I had been, I told them. Somebody – I cannot remember who – said: “Oh, so you went camping with Ken.”

There was a bit of chortling and sniggering. It got to me straight away. I told them we had not gone camping, we had been staying in hotels. But it stuck. It became a running gag. And soon, to my horror, it was on the grapevine that Ken and I were an item.

I was sensitive and pretty naive and took things more seriously than I should have done. I reacted to gibes when I should have laughed them off. By the time I changed my approach it was too late. Training became an ordeal. Everybody regarded me as an outsider. I was an easy target because I did not fit in. The only people I knew in London were students, so I turned up at training with my student look: jeans rolled up, Pringle socks and my rucksack with The Guardian in it. For much of my career, reading The Guardian was used as one of the most powerful symbols of how I was supposed to be weirdly different. Pathetic, really. It gave substance to the gossip that I was homosexual: Guardian reader equals gay boy. Some people really thought that added up.

Andy Townsend got on the bus to a game and saw me reading the paper, picked it up and said he wanted to look at the sport. He threw it back down a couple of seconds later. “There’s no f***ing sport in here,” he said. The rest of the lads laughed.

They had already pigeonholed me as a loner. But I was not a loner. Away from football I was pretty sociable. It was just that because of my background, I was not what footballers regarded as typical. I got the impression they had not come across anyone like me before and the rumours that I was gay stemmed from not fitting in. I became the target of day-to-day ribbing, which got worse and worse. I had never had any problem with bullying before. Being a pariah was new to me.

The more successful I got, the more it became an issue. In those days, if anyone thought you were even slightly effeminate, you were in trouble. I already felt as if the odds were stacked against me, without being pitched into a world of double entendres, nudging and winking.

The more my supposed homo-sexuality became a topic of humour, the more upset I became. I was confronting people all the time. It felt as if everybody in the dressing-room was in on it, even Gwyn Williams, one of the coaches. He would wander up to me before training and say: “Come on, poof, get your boots on.” Nobody in authority said: “Lads, this is getting a bit silly.” The rumours were out of control.

The p***-taking started around the beginning of July and eight weeks later my worst fears were realised. On September 7 we played West Ham United at Upton Park. I got the ball on the left flank and played it upfield. Then the chant started.

It came from the hardcore fans in the North Bank, set to the tune of the Village People’s Go West. “Le Saux takes it up the a***,” they yelled, again and again. I stood in shock. “Oh my God, that’s it,” I thought. I knew fans everywhere were going to make my life a misery.

Justin Fashanu had “come out” a year earlier and even though his career was practically over, he was ridiculed and scorned for his admission. A few years later, he committed suicide.

My preoccupation with being isolated and ostracised was turning into reality. It frightened me and I did not know how to deal with it. I did not know who to be angry with because it was my teammates who had started it. Yet nobody mentioned the chanting when we got back to the dressing-room. Maybe it did not register with some of them and I did not say: “Thanks a lot for that, boys.” I was very insecure, very nervous. I did not feel I could trust anybody.

After that game, the chanting became a regular event. The pressure I was under was immense. I would go on to the pitch knowing that I was going to get a torrent of abuse before I even kicked a ball. If there was a lull in the game, I was the fallback option and the taunting would start. If the home team’s fans got bored, they would start singing about me. I tried hard to prevent it. I stood up for myself and got angry with those who pushed it too far, but it went crazy. It became an urban myth and was talked about as if it was fact.

Everything I did was used as evidence that I was gay. The way I dressed, the music I listened to, the fact that I went to art galleries, the newspaper I read, turned into more clues about my sexuality. The variety of insults aimed at gay people became my specialist subject.

The worst thing was when I would go to get the ball for a corner or throw-in and there would be somebody a couple of feet away from me in the front row. Their faces would be contorted with aggression and they would be screaming homophobic abuse, vicious stuff. When it was that close and one-on-one, it was shocking.

Pretty soon, opposition players were winding me up about it. I was in my second spell at Chelsea when the real problems began. From the time the rumours first surfaced, I got plenty of comments from other players about being a “faggot” or a “queer”. Robbie Savage seemed to get a particular thrill out of it, but I guess that will not surprise anybody. I told him he should say it to me at the end of the game when I had tackled him a few times; see if he still wanted to call me a poof then.

It was irrational, schoolboy behaviour. Most of the time I let it go. But when Chelsea played Liverpool at Anfield in October 1997, Paul Ince repeatedly wound me up and I gave him a taste of his own medicine.

Paul and I had always got on well. We were England teammates and I respected him. Paul was really wired during the game. He would get so frantic in matches that his eyes would glaze over. I had been clattered a few times when he took my legs and left me on the deck. Then he started jabbering away at me. “Come on, you f***ing poof,” he said. “Get up, there’s nothing wrong with you.”

He said it a few times. I let it go. People get called a poof all the time in football. But it was loaded when people aimed it at me.

A few minutes later he did me again and started yelling the same stuff. I snapped. I said something that I knew would hurt him. I insulted his wife.

Paul went ballistic. He was livid. He spent the rest of the match trying to kick lumps out of me. When the final whistle went I was going down the tunnel when I caught sight of him out of the corner of my eye, about to land a punch. I ducked out of the way and scarpered. The guy had lost it completely; he wanted to kill me. He was a prime example of someone who could dish it out but could not take it. He had been calling me all the names, personal stuff that he must have known would hurt, and yet as soon as I retaliated in kind, he could not cope.

I did not feel proud of what I had said. I knew his wife, Claire, and I liked her. It was not about her, though, it was about letting him know what it was like to put up with abuse. Paul quickly turned it round in his mind so that I was the villain. Since then our relationship has been very cold.

The gay slurs were putting me in a difficult situation. It was hard to keep denying that I was homosexual without being disrespectful to the gay community. I have gay friends and I do not judge them. I am not homophobic; a gay player in a team I was playing for would not be an issue for me.

But when supporters and other players accused me of being gay, it bothered me. I never believed there was anything wrong with being gay, but I felt that if it came to be accepted that I was, I would be unable to continue as a professional footballer. That is how deep-seated the prejudice in the game is.

That is why I fought back as strongly as I did. I wondered whether it was defamatory, being called gay if you were not, and in the context of football I think it is because it could end your career. No manager would want to sign you. It is a terrible indictment of the sport, but it is true.

We have got past pretty much everything else. The problems with racism are not over, but they are on the wane. You do not get people making monkey noises at English grounds or throwing bananas on the pitch. But there is still terrible prejudice within football. People pick on weaknesses. You have to deal with being constantly derided for the most trivial matters: your trainers, your haircut, your picture in the newspaper. It is endless and can be draining. If you can make someone else look stupid, that is the ideal.

Given the peer pressure, I do not think a modern footballer could come out as gay without immediately becoming isolated from his team. The group would be too hostile for him to survive. Football has not had to face up to a group of gay footballers saying: “How are you going to deal with us?”

The sport has not confronted homophobia because the gay footballers who are playing in our leagues are too frightened to declare their sexuality and cope with the backlash. Unless there is a powerful voice for a minority group, football will never make provision for it.

The abuse I had to suffer would be multiplied a hundredfold for a player who was openly gay. The burden would be too much. I think of the stick I had from the fans and it made me feel nervous before I got on the pitch. I knew I would be targeted in the warm-up. Every time I ran to the side there was a group of people giving me abuse.

Suddenly, all the anger and prejudice hidden away under the surface of everyday life starts spewing out of them. You get a sense of the mentality of the mob. If the game starts badly they will turn their anger and their frustration on you. And then a whole stadium will start singing about how you take it up the a***.

Sometimes you cannot blot it out. At Anfield once I went over to the touchline to get the ball because a kid in the crowd was holding it. He was no more than 10 and his dad was next to him. “You f***ing poof, you take it up the a***,” he screamed at me. His dad joined in. I stopped and looked at him. “Who do you think you are talking to like that?” I asked. Of course, everyone else piled in. But sometimes you have to draw the line and say: “That is wrong, you don’t treat people that way.”

Famously, there was another time when I stood up for myself, when I refused to look the other way. I had a family by then and my wife, Mariana, brought our newborn child, Georgina, to her first game. It was Liverpool again, but this time it was not a ten-year-old who was the problem. It was Robbie Fowler.

I had admired Robbie when he was a young player. He was a magnificent finisher, one of the best natural strikers I have seen. But as people, he and I are as far apart as possible. His trademark is sarcastic, put-down humour and an irreverent, caustic attitude. If that is how he plays, fine. But Robbie did not know when to stop. When things became unacceptable, he appeared ignorant of his social responsibilities and the consequences of his actions.

The Chelsea–Liverpool match at Stamford Bridge in 1999 was a high-tempo game and early in the second half I moved to clear the ball from left back. Robbie tried to block it but fouled me. I went down and Paul Durkin, the referee, booked him. Robbie looked at me. “Get up, you poof,” he said.

I stayed on the turf to get treatment and by then Robbie was standing ten yards away. The ball was in front of me, ready for the free kick. I looked at Robbie. He started bending over and pointing his backside in my direction. He looked over his shoulder and started yelling at me. He was smirking. “Come and give me one up the a***,” he said, repeating it three or four times.

The Chelsea fans were going berserk. The linesman was standing right next to me. He could see what Robbie was doing but did not take any action, not even to call Durkin over. Everyone knew what the gesture meant. There was not much room for interpretation. I asked the linesman what he was going to do. He stood there with a look of panic.

So I waited. Robbie could see he was winding me up and I suppose that gratified him, so he carried on doing it. I told the linesman I would not take the free kick until he stopped. It was a big moment, a stand-off.

What Robbie did provided a chance for people to confront a serious issue and I wish Durkin had sent him off for ungentlemanly conduct. Football had a chance to make a stand that day and Durkin would have been fêted for it. There could have been a strong statement that blatant homophobia would not be tolerated and maybe it would have been a turning point, taking some of the stigma away for gay footballers.

But football did not make a stand. Durkin ran over and booked me for time-wasting. I was dumbfounded. I asked if he was just going to let Robbie get away with it. He did not say anything. He said later that he had not seen what Robbie was doing, but I wonder if he simply did not want to deal with it. No one did. My head filled with anger. I still did not want to take the free kick. Perhaps I should have just refused to and been sent off. That would at least have forced the issue, but it would also have made me a martyr for the cause and I did not want that. Robbie stopped bending over. I took the kick.

Some people compared what happened to sledging in cricket, but those exchanges stay between the players on the pitch. That is where I believe Robbie crossed the line and betrayed the sport. When a fellow professional does something like that to you, when he mocks you for public consumption, I cannot accept it as part of the game.

I never saw anyone do that to another player. I felt that Fowler’s action – because it was so blatant – betrayed me, too. He broke the code. Black players have had plenty of abuse aimed at them, but no fellow player has ever made a public gesture like that. Robbie would not dream of miming insults to a black player, so why did he feel it was acceptable to incite me by sticking out his backside?

I was consumed with thoughts of vengeance. I could not calm down. I ran to the halfway line and tried to confront Robbie. I told him my family was in the stand. “Bollocks to your family,” he said. In his autobiography, Robbie wrote that I ran up to him and shouted “but I’m married” and he replied “so was Elton John, mate”. It is a nice line and makes him look funny, which is the most important thing to him, but he used dramatic licence. He did not say that.

I should have come off, really. My head was gone. I was not even concentrating on the game. I felt humiliated, as if the anger of so many years was welling up inside me. Eventually, the ball was played down the left side and Robbie made a run towards our penalty area. I came across and ran straight into him with a swing of the elbow. Thankfully I am not very good at it. We had a few more tussles, then Robbie caught me on the calf and I had to come off. The most traumatic match of my career was over.

I was still incredibly angry after the game. I went to see Durkin. I had heard that the cameras had captured my elbow on Robbie and I wanted to explain why I had done it. Dermot Gallagher, the fourth official, said that he had seen the whole thing with Robbie jutting out his backside. He started talking about the amount of stick he had had over the years for being Irish. I asked Durkin about the booking. I asked why I had been time-wasting when we were playing at home and the score was 1–1. He did not have an answer. I asked the linesman again why he had not done anything and he did not want to engage.

The aftermath was awful. I got buried because I had tried to take out Robbie off the ball. That was fair enough. But it seemed bizarre that people focused on this rather than the extreme provocation. Because I had reacted, a lot of people wanted to excuse Robbie for what he had done. Three days after the game, the FA charged us both with misconduct.

I sent him a letter of apology and got a letter from him, too. Not an apology, just an attempt to save face, couched in legal niceties and drafted by a lawyer or agent, designed to appease the FA tribunal before it sat in judgment. It was a sad excuse, really, an insult to the intelligence.

Later, in his autobiography, Robbie wrote: “Football’s a tough sport and to get to the top you have to be incredibly thick-skinned. A bit of name-calling never hurt anyone and the truth is I wasn’t being homophobic, merely trying to exploit a known weakness in an opponent who had done me a number of times.”

It is an interesting line of defence. According to Robbie’s rationale, it is OK to call a black man a “n*****” and pretend it is in the line of duty. I do not think so. I do not think even Robbie would argue that. He did not really have a defence and that was the best he could come up with. It was not a very good effort.

A month after Robbie offered me his backside, we were picked in the England squad. There was an awkward reunion at Burnham Beeches. Robbie did not have quite as much bravado in that situation. He looked like a naughty little boy.

Kevin Keegan was the manager and he wanted us to stage a public reconciliation for the press. I said immediately that unless Robbie said sorry, that was not going to happen. I did not want a public apology, just a private word would do. But he refused. He said that he had done nothing wrong, that it was just a bit of a laugh.

Keegan started to back off at that point. He was not qualified to deal with it, but I felt more confident. I was determined to stand up for myself. I confronted Robbie while we were in Keegan’s room. I pointed out that if he had taken the p*** out of someone like that in the middle of London’s Soho, where the gay clubs are, he would have been chased down the street and beaten up.

Even then, Robbie could not resist it. When I mentioned the gay clubs, he muttered: “You’d know where they are.” I told him I would be professional on the training pitch, but that there was no way I was going to shake his hand. I felt bolstered by the debate the incident had caused and relieved that the issue was in the open.

From that moment, there was less animosity in the chants. The debate about what happened had exposed it for the puerile cruelty, the out and out bullying, that it was. I do not feel any animosity towards Robbie now, but the stuff he sought to justify nearly drove me out of the game.

On April 9, six weeks after the original incident and six days after Robbie had got himself in more trouble by pretending to snort the white lines on the pitch at Anfield during a goal celebration in a Merseyside derby, we attended separate FA disciplinary hearings. I got a one-match ban and a £5,000 fine, but they hammered Robbie. He was dealing with the fallout from his mock cocaine-snorting antics as well as what he did to me and it provided a fascinating glimpse of the governing body’s moral code.

It gave Robbie a much harsher punishment for making what was clearly a joke than it did for his attempt to humiliate me and encourage homophobia. I wonder if Robbie appreciated the irony of that. He did something as a retort to malicious rumours, yet was happy to exploit a malicious rumour spread about me. Robbie got a two-match ban for taunting me and a four-match ban for his goal celebrations at Anfield. As I said, interesting.

The debate about what Robbie had done and the FA hearing gave me a form of closure. It was a watershed for me. After that I still got the taunts from the crowd, but the venom seemed to have gone. What Robbie had done had always been my worst fear. Now it was over, I knew that nothing could be worse than that ordeal, so nobody could offend me any more.

After the hearing, the distress I had always felt about the taunts began to ebb away. So in the end, I got there. But it did not wipe out what I had been through. It did not wash it clean. It is an indictment of our game and the prejudice it allows, but I felt a great surge of relief when I retired.

Yuki's choice reading:

(Justin Fashanu, the young football starlet, another victim of homophobia):

http://www.petertatchell.net/sport/justin%20fashanu.htm

http://briandeer.com/justin-fashanu.htm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/87288.stm

Bermuda Triangle, a mystery.

2007-09-11T19:25:00.000+08:00

What lies inside the Bermuda triangle? No one actually knows, but many of aircrafts and ships bumbled into it and disappeared without a trace in mysterious circumstances.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bermuda_Triangle
http://science.howstuffworks.com/bermuda-triangle.htm
http://www.firstscience.com/home/articles/mysteries/the-mystery-of-the-bermuda-triangle_15176.html

In our quest for peace, we usually seek shelter in religion, faith and even science to turn the shift of reality and truth into logic and fact. But so many things in this world are still undefined, unexplained. From spirits to UFOs, all the way back into evolution. But the answer is out there.

I read these articles in fascination and awe of it all. Because however we seek to redress certain issues by saying it do not exist like homosexuality, it still does not appease truth that they exist.

He's My Daughter.

2007-09-10T04:07:00.000+08:00

I was going to write about this:

http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2007/9/9/lifefocus/18791364&sec=lifefocus

But then a thought came to me.

This is probably one of the only few articles that talk to us. Other than that, most articles talk about us, without us.

Most articles by the uninitiated and unleant talk like they are experts in who we are without even being trained in the issue of transgenders. They mostly do not even know any of us, It is in fact, tiring and frustrating to have these people not even having dialogues with us, or at least even diligently study about these issues. They just make up their own conclusions with their own minds and call it 'science' based on their own shallow logic.

In Malaysia, there are talk about rehabilitation centres for transgenders, even male hormone therapy for us, which is utterly ridiculous. Perhaps what the article says is true, Malaysia is the worst country for transgenders to live. At least elsewhere in Asia, our talents, education and experience, will be accounted for.

It is my hope, that acceptance for people like us, would happen before I pass on.

Gospel Of Mary.

2007-09-08T04:40:00.000+08:00

The Gospel According to Mary Magdalene
Chapter 4
(Pages 1 to 6 of the manuscript, containing chapters 1 - 3, are lost. The extant text starts on page 7...)

. . . Will matter then be destroyed or not?

22) The Savior said, All nature, all formations, all creatures exist in and with one another, and they will be resolved again into their own roots.

23) For the nature of matter is resolved into the roots of its own nature alone.

24) He who has ears to hear, let him hear.

25) Peter said to him, Since you have explained everything to us, tell us this also: What is the sin of the world?

26) The Savior said There is no sin, but it is you who make sin when you do the things that are like the nature of adultery, which is called sin.

27) That is why the Good came into your midst, to the essence of every nature in order to restore it to its root.

28) Then He continued and said, That is why you become sick and die, for you are deprived of the one who can heal you.

29) He who has a mind to understand, let him understand.

30) Matter gave birth to a passion that has no equal, which proceeded from something contrary to nature. Then there arises a disturbance in its whole body.

31) That is why I said to you, Be of good courage, and if you are discouraged be encouraged in the presence of the different forms of nature.

32) He who has ears to hear, let him hear.

33) When the Blessed One had said this, He greeted them all,saying, Peace be with you. Receive my peace unto yourselves.

34) Beware that no one lead you astray saying Lo here or lo there! For the Son of Man is within you.

35) Follow after Him!

36) Those who seek Him will find Him.

37) Go then and preach the gospel of the Kingdom.

38) Do not lay down any rules beyond what I appointed you, and do not give a law like the lawgiver lest you be constrained by it.

39) When He said this He departed.

Chapter 5
1) But they were grieved. They wept greatly, saying, How shall we go to the Gentiles and preach the gospel of the Kingdom of the Son of Man? If they did not spare Him, how will they spare us?

2) Then Mary stood up, greeted them all, and said to her brethren, Do not weep and do not grieve nor be irresolute, for His grace will be entirely with you and will protect you.

3) But rather, let us praise His greatness, for He has prepared us and made us into Men.

4) When Mary said this, she turned their hearts to the Good, and they began to discuss the words of the Savior.

5) Peter said to Mary, Sister we know that the Savior loved you more than the rest of woman.

6) Tell us the words of the Savior which you remember which you know, but we do not, nor have we heard them.

7) Mary answered and said, What is hidden from you I will proclaim to you.

8) And she began to speak to them these words: I, she said, I saw the Lord in a vision and I said to Him, Lord I saw you today in a vision. He answered and said to me,

9) Blessed are you that you did not waver at the sight of Me. For where the mind is there is the treasure.

10) I said to Him, Lord, how does he who sees the vision see it, through the soul or through the spirit?

11) The Savior answered and said, He does not see through the soul nor through the spirit, but the mind that is between the two that is what sees the vision and it is [...]

(pages 11 - 14 are missing from the manuscript)

Chapter 8:
. . . it.

10) And desire said, I did not see you descending, but now I see you ascending. Why do you lie since you belong to me?

11) The soul answered and said, I saw you. You did not see me nor recognize me. I served you as a garment and you did not know me.

12) When it said this, it (the soul) went away rejoicing greatly.

13) Again it came to the third power, which is called ignorance.

14) The power questioned the soul, saying, Where are you going? In wickedness are you bound. But you are bound; do not judge!

15) And the soul said, Why do you judge me, although I have not judged?

16) I was bound, though I have not bound.

17) I was not recognized. But I have recognized that the All is being dissolved, both the earthly things and the heavenly.

18) When the soul had overcome the third power, it went upwards and saw the fourth power, which took seven forms.

19) The first form is darkness, the second desire, the third ignorance, the fourth is the excitement of death, the fifth is the kingdom of the flesh, the sixth is the foolish wisdom of flesh, the seventh is the wrathful wisdom. These are the seven powers of wrath.

20) They asked the soul, Whence do you come slayer of men, or where are you going, conqueror of space?

21) The soul answered and said, What binds me has been slain, and what turns me about has been overcome,

22) and my desire has been ended, and ignorance has died.

23) In a aeon I was released from a world, and in a Type from a type, and from the fetter of oblivion which is transient.

24) From this time on will I attain to the rest of the time, of the season, of the aeon, in silence.

Chapter 9
1) When Mary had said this, she fell silent, since it was to this point that the Savior had spoken with her.

2) But Andrew answered and said to the brethren, Say what you wish to say about what she has said. I at least do not believe that the Savior said this. For certainly these teachings are strange ideas.

3) Peter answered and spoke concerning these same things.

4) He questioned them about the Savior: Did He really speak privately with a woman and not openly to us? Are we to turn about and all listen to her? Did He prefer her to us?

5) Then Mary wept and said to Peter, My brother Peter, what do you think? Do you think that I have thought this up myself in my heart, or that I am lying about the Savior?

6) Levi answered and said to Peter, Peter you have always been hot tempered.

7) Now I see you contending against the woman like the adversaries.

8) But if the Savior made her worthy, who are you indeed to reject her? Surely the Savior knows her very well.

9) That is why He loved her more than us. Rather let us be ashamed and put on the perfect Man, and separate as He commanded us and preach the gospel, not laying down any other rule or other law beyond what the Savior said.

10) And when they heard this they began to go forth to proclaim and to preach.

Yuki's thoughts: Astounding...

Yuki's choice reading:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_Mary
http://www.gnostic.info/gospelofmary.html

The Gay Agenda?

2007-09-08T03:19:00.001+08:00

I peruse this with interest, this is a recent sermon presented by Mr Derek Hong. I have to summon enough respect for this man to call him Mr, because he sure do not bear fruits coming out of a Senior Pastor he hyped himself to be, I find him, at his age, even lesser than Mr:

The previews are here:
http://www.coos.org.sg/sermons/files/sermonPDF/200708121030_sermon.pdf
http://www.coos.org.sg/sermons/files/sermonPDF/200708190830_sermon.pdf

The audio for the entire sermon is available on this page:
http://www.coos.org.sg/sermon/

Some commentaries are available here:
http://www.fridae.com/newsfeatures/article.php?articleid=2030&viewarticle=1

This man is from Church Of Our Saviour, Singapore, that runs Choices Ministry in affiliation with Exodus International.

Looking at the PDF file, I still could not understand the inability of Pastors to tell the truth, but in the end, preach lies and intolerance. I will comment on the PDF scripts only, because I know if I listen to his sermon I will feel nauseous.

For example, the blatant use of Genesis 19, clearly to neutrals is the story of attempted rape on angels. But it is amazing how intolerant eyes cannot see the events unfolding before the very passages.

Then there is the use of Leviticus. Is it not amazing that people present the Old Leviticus Laws, some that demands of people to be put to death in the most trivial of matters, example, Leviticus 20:9 (death to disobeying children), Leviticus 20:10 (death to unfaithful men), Leviticus 20: 18 (death to men having sex with women during period), as just by laws of that generation or culture, or even went as far as the laws were written for a specific community; but still homosexuals are cherry picked out of it as the only 'sin'?

Or the use of Paul's 'condemnation' of homosexuals as the prime weapon of intolerance; but totally forsaking the same letters that address the reduced role of women, african-americans, and slaves? Or translating the word 'arsenokoites', which means arsen (man) koites (bed), which can mean anything, to be translated as pervert by this 'pastor' who somehow forgot his theology? Or how about 1 Corinthians 6 about pagan idolatry, interpreted by them as homosexual lust? I wonder how would he preach 1 Corinthians 11 and 14 about women.

Then on part two he preaches the same junk science Edmund Smith always preaches about homosexuality being 'developed'. This is really getting frustrating, with again connotations of poor relationships with the parents of the same sex, child abuse... wow. This is really stupid. He then goes about the mantra of how 'change' is possible. SO what is change when the orientation is not? Is living a celibate life equivalent to a total change of orientation? As for testimonies, just how many of them are genuine men born normal but gay? He even cited Spitzer. Dr Spitzer himself had expressed disappointment that his research was taken out of context

This is where it gets repulsive when he begins to actually not preach about God as a so called pastor, but is advertising Choices Ministry's methods in the end. There is one line that got me shaking my head, 'Acceptance is not the same as approval', excuse me for my English, but acceptance IS about approval. If you accept food in your mouth means you approve of it! Mr Derek and his partner in crime Shawn Tay plays with words but ended up a two yelping dingos.

Lastly, they conceived in their ultra shallow minds, the gay agenda.

1) Strive for special rights for homosexuals, presenting themselves as equal to minority ethnic groups.

2) Governments to approve homosexual marriages and legal adoption of children.

(If you look at one and two, you would notice they are connected. Homosexuals are NOT given these rights, so what is so 'special' about having these rights that are equivalent to heterosexuals?)

3) Silence all parties (e.g., pro-family groups and religious institutions) who oppose their agenda.

4) Eradication of all help-groups (such as Choices) which seek to bring recovery to homosexuals.

(You would see, they are frightened out of their own skins of the truth. They are afraid that if people know the real deal about homosexuality, they have to close shop on their illegal recovery spa.)

5) Right to promote homosexuality as a viable alternative lifestyle through the education system.

(Lifestyle, lifestyle, lifestyle... again I ask on behalf of people who are unfortunately born homosexual... WHAT lifestyle? Please take care of your own heterosexual 'lifestyles' before you question others....)

It is no wonder this church is considered the most anti-gay church in Singapore. The Gay Agenda? I would throw back a question at this bozo and ask him, in reference to these sermons, what is The Christian Agenda? Is it here? That a community oppressed be controlled? This is sick, really getting sick. Sometimes I wonder what happened to the Christ we all believed in. I can feel the cross shaking by the degree of worship of intolerance and religion shown by them.

Malaysia's Muslim transexuals battle sex change woes.

2007-09-05T15:02:00.002+08:00

Some of us sisters are more fortunate than others:

http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/articlenews.aspx?type=featuresNews&storyid=2007-09-03T024445Z_01_KLR290147_RTRIDST_0_LIFESTYLE-MALAYSIA-TRANSEXUALS-DC.XML

By Liau Y-Sing

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - When Khartini Slamah first came out as a transexual, he was a dutiful Muslim son by day and a prostitute by night, working on the streets of the Malaysian capital.

The option of sex change surgery was out of the question in this moderate Muslim country where Muslim transexuals are banned from changing their gender and same sex relationships are a criminal offence.

"I tried to find a job but because of my sexuality I was turned down," said the 44-year-old former prostitute who now works as an activist and counsellor to other transexuals.

Twenty years later, sex change surgery may be routine in some countries but it's still banned by law in Malaysia -- at least for Muslims. The ruling doesn't apply to non-Muslims who make up about half of the estimated 30,000 transexuals in Malaysia.

The ban stems from an Islamic belief that it is wrong to alter that which God has given. This belief also forbids Muslims from dressing up as the opposite sex and undergoing major cosmetic surgery other than for medical reasons.

Non-Muslims don't have the same problems, although they do sometimes have trouble registering their new gender with the state and like their Muslim counterparts, many have to work as prostitutes as there are few job opportunities for transexuals.

Malaysia's transexuals are in a legal limbo.

In February 2005, a Malaysian court allowed a non-Muslim male transexual to change the gender on his identity card after he showed medical evidence of sex-change by surgery, media reports said at the time.

But later that year, the government declared as invalid the marriage of a couple in which the wife was a non-Muslim man who had undergone sex change surgery, saying it was a same-sex union.

"We are tolerant of them (transexuals). But whether we will have laws that will protect them -- I don't think with the conservative nature of our culture -- that we will," said criminologist P. Sundramoorthy.

For Khartini, dressed in a flowing lilac tunic with his feet squeezed into stiletto heels, the conflict between sexual identity and religion is sometimes too hard to bear.

"We are all in a dilemma. We are Muslims. They say this is not allowed, but they never tell us what are the options. I felt like it's being used to oppress. But I know that religion, Islam is so flexible...," said Khartini, a practicing Muslim.

INNATE OR IMBUED?

Despite its modern exterior, Malaysia remains conservative. Capital Kuala Lumpur -- a bustling metropolis dotted by towering skyscrapers, flashy art galleries and riotous gay bars -- has a deeply religious underbelly.

U.S. singer Gwen Stefani was forced to cover up her usually revealing stage costumes when she performed recently in Kuala Lumpur after Islamic groups expressed fears she could corrupt the country's youth.

Government plans to introduce sex education in schools and to give free needles and condoms to drug addicts provoked a fierce debate, with some religious leaders saying this would promote promiscuity.

The past few decades have seen a rise in religious fervour among Muslims in Malaysia, with an increase in the popularity of Islamic banking and more women eschewing Western attire in favour of traditional Malay dress and headscarves.

Transexuals are still social outcasts, the victims of physical abuse and verbal harassment by the public, police and religious authorities, who advocate counselling and the use of hormone injections to suppress transexuals' inclinations.

"We very much encourage them to return to their original form," said Abdullah Md Zin, a minister for religious affairs. "We cannot accept them."

Transexuals say their preferences are innate.

"There's something biological," said Teh Yik Koon, a criminologist and sociologist. "In my research, there are those as young as three, four years old, who don't feel as if they fit into their assigned gender role."

Few doctors perform gender realignment operations in Malaysia so those seeking the surgery must pay exorbitant prices abroad. Muslims, who make up 60 percent of Malaysia's 26 million population, risk being brought before Islamic courts, which under Malaysian law hear civil cases involving Muslims.

Islamic cleric, Mohamad Asri Zainul Abidin, one of Malaysia's most moderate Muslim leaders believes transexuals should be fined or jailed if counselling proves ineffective at deterring them.

"We must try to reform them and give them advice. We must not allow them to stray," said the cleric. "Imagine if this world were filled with transexuals -- what would happen to the human race?"

Yuki's thoughts: I am proud of Malaysia for its first class facilities. But I am ashamed of Malaysia for its third class mentality.